Help with moving on..

[Candycoco]

Hi everyone,
I'm coming to the end of my first placement where I've had a baby since a day old and she's now 5 months old. She could be moving on to adopters within the next couple of months so I'd like some advice on the moving on process and saying goodbye!
I've been collecting all her little things for her memory box, but aside from the obvious is there anything else I may not have thought of that I could put in there for her?
I've thought about how me and my daughter could say goodbye, do you think it would be ok to put a little letter in her memory box or a little gift? Not sure if that's allowed/appropriate.
And any advice for going through the introductions with the adopters, my ssw said it'll be really full on and they'll basically be living at my house for 10 days - I'm feeling thoroughly intimidated by this!
Obviously I'm scared about how I'll manage my emotions and contain those of my daughters who has become very attached to the baby, so just any general advice or words of wisdom would be lovely!
Thanks in advance x

[fasparent]

Difficult time for you all no consolations afraid, next baby will be the same, We love and miss them all.
We say goodbye's with friends and family before intro's if at all possible
little party, think its better as Intro's can be difficult for baby, feel lesser emotion's around better for them, other FC's may feel different .
When baby moves it will be quick short goodbye is usual.
We try too give space to new parents as much as possible, bathing and putting too bed , talk through the routine then observe be on hand if they need help., You will find there will be lot's of talking and questions
must remember every family will be different, have different view's expectations , must be total none judgemental , as this is how it is in the real world all parents have different ways and values as what they think is best for their children. If you feel you would like too write a letter do so and tell them its in the box. 1st meeting should be about an hour or so , which will prepare you well for the future days, of which you will have a plan prepared at a meeting between yourselves, parents and SW before intro's begin., So you will be pretty well prepared and know the parents before intro's begin. Never is easy goodluck

[scarlet5tyger]

Hi Candycoco, I always put a letter in my LOs memory boxes for when they're older. Quite short, just outlining some of the things we've done while they were here, milestones met, names of friends or favourite trips out, and how lovely its been to care for them.

There's no getting round the fact that intros are hard work! Be prepared to be tired, get some meals in the freezer, plan what you're going to feed your guests (most of my intros have included me making dinner and tea, if not breakfast, for new family). Stick to the plan - even if you think an extra hour or two wont matter it can have a huge impact on a baby.

Be prepared for some backlash from baby - she might be only 5 months but she'll know something is changing. ALL the children I've moved on have shown some form of pushing me away as they begin to understand they're leaving.

The hardest bit is controlling your emotions. As difficult as it is I never cry in front of the child or new parents. Wait until bedtime. You need to ensure the child knows you're happy and giving permission for them to move on for intros to be successful.

Hope all goes well, feel free to ask any questions. And make sure you have some treats in for you and your daughter!

[scarlet5tyger]

Forgot to say - new family won't be constantly at your house for 10 days - some of that time they will be out with baby, and around half of it should be spent at their house.

[Candycoco]

Hi, thanks for the replies :)
The new family live 200 miles away so the la are going to put them up in a hotel so there won't be any time at theirs during the 10 days, but I've been asked to go to their house for a couple of days once they've spent the 10 days with me, I really don't want to do this because of the impact on my family and I'm a single Carer - is this normal? I never knew that I'd be expected to do that given that it's so far away.
I'm feeling overwhelmed by the prospect of intros and like you say feeding them and everything but got to be done I suppose!
Thanks for the advice though xx

[mum2tots]

We have only just been approved and havne't had a placement yet but my social worker said if we move children onto adoption that they will try to make the "switch-over" to the other house to fall in a school holiday and will put my family up in a hotel while we visit the new adoption family.

[scarlet5tyger]

Yes, it's absolutely normal for you to go to their house. In fact I think it's vital. Even a small baby needs to know you've given your "permission" for them to move on. Quite a large proportion of children are moved far away so this probably won't be the last child you move on to a distance.

10 days is a very long introduction for a baby though - my own LA would be looking at 5 days. Is there a reason it's so long? Maybe you could ask for this to be shortened. Don't panic too much though - even though they're tough I LOVE doing introductions!