Managing behaviour: Fighter

[DwellsUndertheSink]

Hoping some more experience FCs could advise on strategies for my LO?

He is a little over 3 and very volatile. Hits, kicks and throws things with deadly accuracy. He is constantly in "fight" mode. His background included some severe DV.

I have, up til now, tried a gentle nurturing approach, but the violence is particularly bad at the moment and he is in danger of hurting me and others. Thismorning he threw a china plate at one of the other kids, smashing it. He also slapped my face and kicked the dog in the mouth. (not just once either), threw a series of missiles at various family members, kicked the table and threw the chair on the floor. This is over something trivial, like me putting his socks on.

I have taken to using time out in his old car seat, which is less than 5 ft away from me, so he is never actually left in the seat alone. This does have the benefit of restraining him and preventing more violence, but Im uncomfortable with it. Often when I release him after a minute or so, he just carries on where he left off. There is also the hassle of strapping him in - he will not go voluntarily.

He will ask for cuddles, and then pull my hair and slap my face when I pick him up. SO back in the seat he goes.

Im so very tired of this behaviour, its emotionally exhausting, and I wondered if anyone could suggest strategies to help me help him.

I have tried distraction, cuddles, ignoring, reinforcing positive behaviours....all have limited effect, but nothing has really gone to the big issue - kicking, hitting and throwing things. He sees a therapist, who is making some progress, but its early days.

I worry that he just associates me with his past life, and so he is in daily trauma of being reminded of his past? But Im being beaten black and blue by this child. SO I need some new ideas on ways to help him.

[fasparent]

Difficult one child of this age may have multiple problems, Not even ss are aware of, BP situation & history you need too know too give you an idea of possible underlying problems, though will be area's they will not disclose so could be hit of miss. Time out seems as you describe may have short term memory loss, would not be aware (remember reason for time out) Know would have difficulty comprehend reasoning and instruction's. Good strategy guide(interventions) can be found at //www.fasaware.co.uk developed for children with FAS this is an umbrella condition so strategies will work for most problems, it just helps parents understand how children think and feel describes alternative strategies which can be used can work for any child will do no harm. Booklet is "reach too teach" can download lots of similar free intervention ideas and strategy's info are also available for free download

[DwellsUndertheSink]

thank you - I will have a good look at that!

[MerryInthechelseahotel]

I feel for you dwells we had similar behaviours with a fc. It is exhausting and unpleasant! The only advice I could give is pick a way of showing him his behaviour is unacceptable and stick with it, be consistent. Try, if you can, to be gentle and understanding and always remember he is like this because of his past and he has the ability to change with you. A three year old does not behave like that out of choice. Distraction is the key, I feel. If he wants cuddles, cuddle him facing outwards so he can't slap you. When you help him to dress, sit him on your knee facing outwards. If he is still using a buggy make sure it faces away from you so he can't kick....stuff like that. His slaps won't be premeditated obviously but when he sees you close he will just get the urge to do it and if he is facing the other way hopefully he won't! Keep on with the positive reinforcement. Tell him he is wonderful even if his behaviour is awful. Distinguish between him as a person and his behaviour and that will help his self esteem.

It's very hard to do though and don't be too hard on yourself if you don't always manage. Do you have good sw support?

Good luck so glad it is you and not me!