Hi,
This isn't exactly a fostering issue, but I thought at foster parents work with ss alot they would probably know a lot more than anyone on other topics so I hope it's ok to post this here.
Dp has a son from a previous relationship (well he's 99% sure he is his) who is 3. His ex has refused contact for over a year (because he won't get back with her) and was sporadic with it (and it was parcel to specific, difficult to stick to conditions) before that. I haven't mentioned this on any other threads, and always say dp has 3 dsds as we thought it was likely that he would not get him back in his life (there were safety concerns around a legal battle for contact or custody as her family is very violent and threatening). I'm going to try and not put too much info on here so as not to out myself.
He heard from a friend last night, who knows her mum quite well that ss are looking at removing the child from her quite soon. We have just had dsds case closed- after she was removed from her mother and placed with us (doesn't dp have lovely taste in women -.-) so we have a positive reputation with them I guess and dp is going to ring the social worker we had on Monday to see if there is anything we can do, but I wondered if anyone knew any information that might help us.
Our problem is that she refused to put him on the birth certificate, so he has no legal connection or right to the child. We do have CSA letters though- would these be enough? I'm worried that ss will not even be allowed to discuss the case with him without him legally being related to the child. I don't know if she would confirm he is the father if asked (which presumably would solve the problem) but she did tell CSA he is... we would also prefer that if he did come to live with us, she didn't know he was with us, due to the violent nature of her family, would this be possible? If they decided contact with her was appropriate then we would be fine with that as long as it was facilitated, which would prevent her knowing who it was caring for him. If she did have to know it was us then we'd cross that bridge when we came to it but it would be essential that she was not told where we live. But could this work with a residency order? With DSD her mum came to the court etc.
We would also like the possibility of me adopting him eventually if this became appropriate (I'm assuming that if he was put into care then he would eventually be adopted as he is only 3).
We also currently live in a 2 bedroom flat, though as I am pregnant we are thinking of moving to our friends house (who are moving out soon) who have 2 bedrooms but have an extra box room attached to the master bedroom. I am pregnant so our initial plan was for that to be for the baby when they are about 1- but it would be ideal for him to sleep in while we put ourselves on the housing list and waited for a 3 bed. Would they be happy with this- if things were urgent it might be that we had to move after he came to us, would they be happy with us putting him up with dsd (she's over 10) or in with us while we waited for the place to become available?
Also does anyone know anything about potential grants or other financial help we could get if he came to us? We didn't get any help (except help with a deposit) with dsd, but we are now in a different financial situation and are struggling a bit and having to claim some benefits, so may be eligible for things we weren't before. I don't know how we'd afford to buy for our baby, and to get all new things for him too- as even if she knew he was coming to us, not a foster family I doubt she'd send him with things- she'd probably be less likely to!
Sorry it's such a long post, thanks in advance for any advice!
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3 replies
Partyring · 26/04/2014 22:00
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