Anyone else not like cooking? Family taking advantage.

(15 Posts)
WantAnOrange Tue 22-Jan-13 15:46:01

Do you actually enjoy spending time with these people? Would it be any great loss to you if you did offend them and as a result, they buggered off? wink

Your DH is a grown man and should appreciate what you cook him. My DH never cooks (and he is unemployed!) but he always says a genuine thankyou, and now DS copies and does so too, even if its beans on toast. Could you ask your DH to think about the example he is setting to your children?

Its really up to you whether you think you should offer your children something else to eat if they dont like your meal. I choose not to, but then I involve everyone in meal planning and dont cook something I know they genuinely dont like. However, I oi cook things they are just being picky about -there's a difference between not fancying something and disliking it. I would be wary of setting them up with such a sense of entitlement. I have explained to DS that I am responsible for providing healthy food for him, but I am not his personal chef.

SolidGoldFrankensteinandmurgh Sun 20-Jan-13 18:12:41

I think it's remarkably rude to ask for food in someone else's house, when you have not been invited for a meal. And to persist and whine when you've been told that there isn't enough and that you weren't invited or expected for a meal is so rude that I would not have the person back in my house.

dreamingofsun Sun 20-Jan-13 18:06:42

how about ...'love to give you a sausgage sandwich but thats the kids dinner tomorrow'. and a smile.

it is hard, as i remember being broke before our hols and my MIL eating the only thing we had left for dinner

Dh cooks in this house most of the time but this is because he panders far more than i do. I really enjoy cooking but the day i cook 4 different meals for 5 people hell will freeze over. He is in the why should they eat somethin they dont like camp. Whereas im the, if your hungry you will eat it type. I would also make a sandwich at best for a visitor or they would get if there was enough of a main meal.

EggRules Sun 20-Jan-13 15:16:57

They arrange to come over at 10 and turn up 1 1/2 hours late? They sound charmless. I tell you from experience that hints are out with this lot. It is ok to say no to unreasonable requests.

I love having guests and am a generous host [when I expect people]. I HATE HATE HATE pop ins and am known for being ungracious in this circumstance. They think I am grumpy and I think they are right. I will give bad manners back in spades.

miche8 Sun 20-Jan-13 13:36:37

I should add there are no other children in the family, I wouldn't mind a child having a snack, its all adults. They don't phone and invite themselves over for a meal, they just happen to be there at meal times, so I have to kind of offer, stupidly I've got into a habit and now it's expected, sometimes they arrive and say what's for dinner/lunch, meaning the roast chicken I had planned to do us 2 meals now feeds them or if they see any left overs they ask for it, it's my own fault been too soft.

Sometimes they say they will be over at 10 but then turn up 11.30 so they are here lunch time, actually a couple of weeks ago I did turn down a visit from someone that was nearby because 5.30 on a Sunday is right in the middle of dinner time and then it's bath time, and I've not heard from them since perhaps we need to be Unavailable more often.

EggRules Sun 20-Jan-13 13:06:32

I think it is rude of them to always expect you to host. Phase 1; stopped inviting people = done. Phase 2 is for them to stop taking the piss.

If they ring a few days in advance then suggest they host rather than you. Remember 'that doesn't work for me/us'. If they come up with a crap excuse for why you need to host then say they could ring when your visit suits them better - 'the kids will love going to someone else's house for a change'. wink

ArtexMonkey Sun 20-Jan-13 12:56:54

They phone up and invite themselves to tea/lunch?

If they say 'we'll come round Tuesday for lunch' say 'actually, come after lunch because then I can talk to you instead of running around cooking, it would be great to catch up'

If they open the fridge and say 'can I make a sausage sandwich?' Say 'I need those sausages for tea tonight sorry, how about a cup of tea?' If they keep on about it, just shrug, say nothing, let them fill the silence because it's them who are being rude. If they flounce off, just say 'yeah, bye' and let them go. Fucking gannets.

miche8 Sun 20-Jan-13 12:43:39

Thanks for the replies, I do need to toughen up with my own children,I've been know to cook them beans on toast after they refuse the meal I've cooked us all. If they don't eat would you offer bread and butter before bed? I am a sahm and dh works long hours so realistically I can't expect him to help, and then moan when he gets it wrong.

I stopped inviting people over about 6 months ago, they all know we have a lot less money coming in, thing is they sometimes phone a couple of days in advanced so how can I say we don't have enough food, they would expect me to go shopping. They have asked me for something to eat when visiting and open the fridge and say can I have a sausage sandwich, etc. I'm always lost as to what to say, my fridge is always well stocked but them taking a couple of sausages means I don't have enough for a family meal. They seem to have an attitude of we can afford to feed them. It's all very one sided, they never offer to babysit and the few times I have asked its always too much hassle for them, I'm being used aren't i and its taken me 12 yrs to realise, it hard to change things after so long, but our food bill is huge, even the ladies in the supermarket recognise me. I have been thinking about a slow cooker.

SolidGoldFrankensteinandmurgh Sun 20-Jan-13 10:21:17

I think if you put your food down with scrounging friends and relatives your stress will lessen. ANd they are scroungers - they come round to you and ask to be fed, yet never reciprocate. So when you next invite them round say, Come after lunch - and if they turn up early ie when you are having yours, say, we are just having our lunch and show them into the sitting room. Just stay calm and smiling but do not offer them any food. If they have the front to ask for food say, sorry, we've only got enough for ourselves.

ANd then don't invite them round again, because they are unreasonable and selfish.

dreamingofsun Sun 20-Jan-13 10:13:49

agree two issues

your kids - serve up one meal and thats it. ignore any moaning. if they don't want to eat it put it in the fridge and bring out later that day if they are hungry. after a while they will get the deal. you are doing them a favour in the LT

unwelcome guests - can you arrange for them to visit after/before meal times? I'd just be fairly up front about it and explain that you are eating x for dinner and there's only enough for y people? If my kids have friends round at mealtimes and there's not enough I suggest they sit in the lounge and watch TV and give them the remote. This is a more tricky one.

Do you have a slow cooker? Once you get the hang of cooking in a different way its very easy - sling in and stir a couple of times.

shrimponastick Sun 20-Jan-13 10:10:33

Am not surprised you are fed up of it.

I like cooking, but like it more when my efforts are appreciated and I am not treated as a chef/waitress/mug.

First off DH needs to step up a bit. I find that giving specific tasks works, rather than just asking for general help.

Fussy kids. We have some. Basically I cook one meal, they can pick out what they don't like. It isn't a restaurant with a long menu. Obv if food allergies then I would accommodate but not just
pickiness.

As for folk just turning up expecting to be fed? Tell them to come at a time convenient to you. I.e after dinner or whatever. They are being rude to expect you to cater for them on their whim. I'd you invite then to come to eat then that is ok as you are prepared for it.

YDdraigGoch Sun 20-Jan-13 10:09:08

Sorry OP, we don't do picky in this house. Everyone gets the same and they have to eat it. You can eat things you don't like, it doesn't hurt you. I could never cook different meals for everyone!
DDs are allowed to not eat things that are a bit of an acquired taste -eg olives- but otherwise have to eat everything.
When they were younger (now teenagers) I used to let them pick a favourite meal each a week, but everyone else had to eat it too.

If you don't like cooking, there are plenty of simple meals you could cook, or you could cook large portions and freeze meals, so that some days it's only heating up and not cooking.

What about investing in a slow cooker, so you can just bung everything in and leave it.

There are lots of one pot meals that are really simple and quick to make that are delicious and nutritious and don't take much actual cooking.

Teapot13 Sun 20-Jan-13 09:58:50

I would find all this annoying, too, and I enjoy cooking.

I think there are two separate problems. Your partner should be helping with meals if you need him too. I don't know your situation -- if you are SAHM and he works long hours maybe not, but if you both work you should be sharing the load. Just agree the nights he is in charge. It's his job to plan, shop, etc. If the family is picky, I personally might avoid the couple of things someone really cannot eat but otherwise tough. Make sure there is plenty of bread and butter. Catering (except for food allergies, etc.) just makes the problem worse. Our DD is not a perfect eater, but we just put whatever we're eating in front of her and hope for the best.

I would just let him get on with it -- if he won't let you help and it's ruined, it's his problem. Do it yourself when the outcome is really important to you.

With regard to guests, if they drop in uninvited (whether they call or not) they should be happy to get a sandwich!

When you do choose to entertain, there are quick, easy meals you can prepare. I use "Cook Simple" by Diana Henry -- she has tonnes of recipes that you just put things in a pan and stick it in the oven for 45 minutes. A lot of them are really good, although she is fairly meat-heavy. They turn out to be nice meals, too.

miche8 Sun 20-Jan-13 09:37:58

Not quite sure where to post this, we are a family of 5 and all quite fussy, I flick between cooking us all the same and it'll be refused by someone or cooking us separate meals, I do all the meal planning and shopping and I'm sick of it. Dh sometimes tries but gets it wrong, he took over xmas dinner and ruined it we had guests too, my expensive turkey was undercooked, but he wouldn't let me help.

what im also getting sick of is extended family visiting and expecting me to cook for them too some of them are very fussy, I can't and will not continue to do this for one we can't afford it and I'm exhausted just looking after my own children. I used to go to lots of effort and the last couple of times I've done jackets or crusty bread sandwiches which raised a few eyebrows,because people expected a meal. I've tried to make comments that I don't like cooking but people don't get the hint, for various reasons we are never invited or can't visit them. what would you do if visiting people hang around at meals times expecting to be fed? We have got into a habit that people will phone and ask if they can come over and I have always fed them, so I feel I need to say before hand that I won't be doing food. There are 4 sets of people that do this and 2 are particularly bad and demanding, I try to suggest times that avoid meal times but they still hang about, I'm not even a great cook. I probably sound like a great host but at least once/twice a week there's extra people wanting to be fed.

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