I thought I was tougher than this, but I am so tearful

(200 Posts)
YouOldSlag Wed 20-Feb-13 19:35:10

Right away I know I am pathetic. I love Mumsnet and its a big part of my life. many posters have given me a spring in my step just by agreeing with me or quoting me, or just by being wise or kind. Or making me laugh until tears flow. Or outlining an opinion I hadn't considered before.

However, and I know this is stupid, but I am being fucking macerated over the manner of how I got engaged on the "People who plan to "Get engaged" thread.

I cannot believe how nasty it has got. I have got really good at hiding threads that upset me in the past, but this one has actually made me go shaky.

I just feel stupid and thought I was better at holding my own, but I feel outnumbered over something so silly. DH and I went to Paris to "get engaged" and that very act has been labelled pathetic and meaningless. It was such a lovely memory for us and it's had me in tears that it has been called "meaningless" and "pathetic".

I'll have to leave as it's actually made me jumpy and lose confidence about posting. Not flouncing, just feel so shaken and daft to even feel that way.

0blio Wed 20-Feb-13 19:38:59

You're not daft.

I haven't read the thread but your engagement plans sound absolutely lovely. Treasure those memories and forget about rude nasty posters who forget they are speaking to people with feelings on here.

Foggles Wed 20-Feb-13 19:41:55

Not seen the thread but we also got engaged in Paris. Is there something I should know? confused

I'm really sorry that anybody has made you feel this way. Could you take a little break? It would be such a shame if you have enjoyed Mumsnet and it has been a big part of your life.

Why let some mindless idiots spoil this for you?

foxache Wed 20-Feb-13 19:42:29

I haven't read your thread, but please don't feel upset over this. Soon you'll realise it makes you a bit harder to things on here, but in a good way.

I've had a very very minor piss-taking and was surprised how much it affected me, God knows how a flaming must feel. It's amazing how people will pile in. I've seen flamings to other people and on screen they seem to handle it well, it must be different behind the scenes. You're not being stupid, it's really emotional!

JustCallMeFish Wed 20-Feb-13 19:43:21

I think most mn'rs upset the majority at some point and go on the receiving end of flack.

It doesn't mean you're wrong, inadequate or anything.

You have an opinion and you make decisions. Not everyone will agree. That's their prerogative. Don't take it to heart.

I haven't read the thread, but some battles you just can't win. I've been on a couple and been flamed by dozens and dozens of posters on them. It's just the way mn can be.

Your life. Your memories. Your engagement.

Two fingers to those who upset you

Chottie Wed 20-Feb-13 19:44:33

I haven't read it either, your engagement sounds really romantic and just perfect! x.x.x. Congratulations

germyrabbit Wed 20-Feb-13 19:45:46

hide the thread, some people are just intent on posting to be contrary, think they probably don't have much else going on in their lives. it's dead odd and mn never used to be like it is now. i blame aibu

i imagine it's pretty fab to be taken to paris and speaking as someone who has been with their dp for 20 years with no marriage or engagement myself am dead envious! but certainly don't think it's meaningless in the slightest.

FlouncingMintyy Wed 20-Feb-13 19:46:18

Please don't worry about what a load of random strangers think of your engagement.

Hide the thread, dry your eyes, forget all about it.

Gintonic Wed 20-Feb-13 19:47:12

Unfortunately some people seem to need to constantly criticise others in order to feel good about themselves - it is the same in RL but at least in RL you can avoid those people.

I haven't read your thread but sorry that people have been horrible about something important to you.

YouOldSlag Wed 20-Feb-13 19:49:24

Thank you so much everyone. I can't tell you how much a comforting word was needed. I thought I could brazen it out, but others have waded in and I feel horrible. Thank you all so much.

Foggles, according to the thread, you are engaged from the very moment you agree that marriage is on the cards and if you then arrange for a down on one knee moment and a ring after that, then it is "pathetic" and "meaningless". And such marriages only last 12 months apparently.

We went to Paris with a ring, DH proposed as we knew he was going to, and it was a wonderful weekend.

I'm getting properly barbecued for it.

usualsuspect Wed 20-Feb-13 19:50:08

Hide the thread,there are a lot of posters on here that are nasty for the sake of it ATM. Dry your eyes have a glass of wine and fuck em.

I haven't read the thread (wedding and engagement threads not really my 'thing') but you know, if it wasn't 'pathetic and meaningless' to you then who gives a flying fuck what some people on the internet think of what you chose to do?

Sometimes you look round a thread and you realise that for whatever reason, the tide is just against what your opinion is, or there's grandstanding going on that is way out of proportion to the subject. It can really hurt when it's something close to you, though.

Pan Wed 20-Feb-13 19:50:34

YOS - you aren't being pathetic. If you value being here, don't go. I didn't see your thread..But..the really big thing about RL and on-line is that in RL you get to choose who you converse with, largely, and whose opinions you hear. On-line you hear all sorts of stuff that just isn't part of your RL experience, and allow them to critique you for your choice. Really , be careful about what affects you and what doesn't.
fwiw getting engaged in Paris sounds utterly wonderful. Just don't let the bastards ( and prob. jealous bastards) grind you down.

YouOldSlag Wed 20-Feb-13 19:51:03

Thing is, it was seven years and two kids ago. You'd think it wouldn't matter so much now! But it does when under attack.

scottishmummy Wed 20-Feb-13 19:51:44

The day im bothered by mn opinion on things i do, is a cold day in hell
Mn is myriad of opinion,good and bad.but none of which you need to actually take on
No one has sullied your precious memories,but you are getting self in state about sweet fa.it's words on a screen not a searing précis of you or your choices

Now stop moping, hide the thread

EstherRancid Wed 20-Feb-13 19:53:17

tell them to fuck off, maybe not on screen because someone will report it and then you'll have your post deleted and then you'll feel worse and, well just shout 'FUCK OFF', and feel better?

fwiw, i've got a terrible engagement story, poor DH, <wanders off to find thread>

CheerfulYank Wed 20-Feb-13 19:53:43

Awww, I think that sounds nice! Why would anyone care how you got engaged anyway?

Tell 'em to fuck right off! <pats shoulder sympathetically>

Your engagement is special to you, its your memories of starting on a journey and you did it in Paris. Thats pretty amazing. I will go to Paris someday when I can afford it and I cannot wait!

Please ignore that thread. People on here talk shit all the time.

I'll see your Paris and raise you a fourposter in the Lakes in the middle of Winter. At Midnight. On my birthday.

Then 11 years before we got round to getting married.

Even I cringe when I type that grin

LifeIsBetterInFlipFlops Wed 20-Feb-13 19:59:13

I can't find any wedding / engagement threads.

As the others have said, don't give it another thought...I know that's easier said than done, but try and focus on your wonderful memories.

scottishmummy Wed 20-Feb-13 19:59:37

Right enough arse kissing.you know it's daft to sweat it over what anyone thinks mn
I've been called terrible mutha,for babies in nursery ft, asked why had kids to leave em with strangers
But if you really can't hack it then yes do take break if mn affects you to adverse extent

Pan Wed 20-Feb-13 19:59:59

Well, don't tell them to fuck off on the thread. As tempting as it may be. You'll just get some report-frenzy person reporting you. Just take great pleasure in saying it to yourself. Slowly and enunciating every syllable. grin

YouOldSlag Wed 20-Feb-13 20:00:10

I like your idea Esther! smile

Cheerful Yank- that's kind of what I said, but was told I thundered onto the thread and told everyone off.

Oh it's all gone wrong. I am greatly cheered by all your kindness.

JaquelineHyde Wed 20-Feb-13 20:00:29

I fully support the tell them to fuck right off brigade.

DH and I knew we were going to get married within a few weeks of meeting, for years I talked about when he was going to make it official and propose? Eventually he did and I knew it was coming.

If that makes me pathetic in some people's eyes then they clearly have very, very sad lives and need to get out more...Fuck 'em!

Foggles Wed 20-Feb-13 20:01:33

<links arms with YOS>

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