Note: Mumsnetters don't necessarily have the qualifications or experience to help if you're feeling seriously distressed or suicidal, and Mumsnet can't be held responsible for any advice given on the site. If you need help urgently, please see our mental health web guide which can point you to expert advice and support.
I have just posted on another thread and have had comments about my mother possibly having OCD / other mental health problems. I thought OCD was constant checking/ hand washing etc? From the info here I wonder if anyone thinks the problem is OCD or something else?
Basically, mother's mother passed away almost 10 years ago. Since the day she died, gran's house has stood empty, exactly as she left it. All her clothes are still in the wardrobe, all her linens in the drawers, all her letters in the bureau (all under a think coat of dust and cobwebs).
My mother is complaining for lack of money and I feel it is a waste (and unhealthy) to let gran's house just decay. I have been told by an agent that it would let for £700 pcm.
I have mentioned this many times to my mother but she won't hear of it, saying she is worried the house will get ruined and does not want to throw away the furniture. Admittedly the furniture is nice, or was. I have said she could pay for storage with the rental proceeds but she won't have that either. She won't sell the house either. It is as though she wants to preserve it forever as some sort of shrine. My mother lives in a real mess herself and is a notorious hoarder - never throwns anything away, even rubbish (ancient newspapers etc) but the state of her own house is another story...
I am not sure how to proceed with this problem (it is my problem as well as she moans to me everyday, and obviously I want to help). I suspect she just can't be bothered/ can't face the thought of anyone clearing out. She gets really angry if I
push the subject (sorting house out). (She has always been agressive, and when faced with reason rather than accept she's wrong she starts crying and always has to have 'someone to put blame on', rather than accepting she may be wrong. She doesn't go out and has no friends (through choice, she prefers spying on people and living vicariously through what they are doing.)
Occasionally she will have a 'clear up' at home, which involves gathering the old papers up and storing them in a corner in carrier bags, she then proudly tells me she has tidied up. (I throw them away when she is not looking, a few at a time, othrwise she gets cross. She never notices.) It's as if she has a compulsion to keep things.
What is causing her to act this way?
Thanks for link.
Has anyone has experience of knowing anyone like this, any tips/ support appreciated.
I dont really see a mental health problem here from what you have described just a antiquated woman (sp??)
its OCD , ive got it(more compulsion to buy stuff and clean things) ,my mums got the hoarding type. shes still got clothes from 1970!!!! you vist her and youve got to climb over stuff to get in(i dont visit anymore), get her some fluxotene-she will be fine . thing to remember is it is traumatic for someone to throw stuff out for you, wait untill shes medicated (it will be easier/less likely to end in tears)
am currently on 40mg a day, think 60mg is max they can give you.meds dont stop the ocd, they just chill you out a bit so you dont have the "panic" about it as much...if shes depressed the fluxotene will help that too...its a AD. good luck with your mum! x
