I was just feeding DD upstairs and it just came into my head. I couldn't understand what it was saying but it was angry. It's made me all shaky and panicky Help!

It's Ok. Sit down, take some deep breaths. In and out.

Are you alright?

Try to relax
we're here with you

I'm here. I don't know what it is. It's like my mind is racing but it's not thinking anything. I'm trying to take deep breaths but my stupid cold is making me choke.

It's alright. Turn the TV off, just sit for a while.

Have you been feeling unwell other than the cold?

No I've been fine. I've been on ads for a fortnight though.

Ahh. Which ones have you been taking? Some of them can do this. It isn't you but you do need to see your GP in the morning. Is there someone with you, it must be frightening, especially if you are alone.

maybe try something lavender if you can find it - the aroma is really calming

why don't you call nhs direct?

I'm on Seroxat. They're the only ones the doctor would give me though as I'm bfing. I'm on my own, DP is on nights tonight. Just DD asleep upstairs. Haven't got any lavender, shame as it would probably help.

What would they do Dragonbutter?

Some ADs can have side effects. You need to see your GP tomorrow morning. Are you ok?

I took Sertraline whilst bfing. On it from baby being 10 days old [oops still on it she's nearly 3]
Seroxat doesn't work for everyone, I'm off to google it - though please don't you do that...please believe me googling is bad for your health. Will get you summarised thing if i find anything in the next couple of mins.
Hang in there all

It's more than likely the seroxat. They have been linked to alot of problems, both here and in the US. It should give you details on the patient advice sheet.
Can you give dp a call? It must be so stressful for you so you really do need someone there to hold your hand.

I'm ok. It seems to be settling down a bit. I just feel really jittery, like my hands are shaking and things.

I have a BNF gigglewitch.

At least you realise it's in your head. That's good.

I know the side effects of Seroxat, unfortunately I read too much already I thought nothing would happen to me because it's quite rare. Doc didn't want to give me sertraline as bnf says only short term use. Don't want to worry DP, he couldn't leave work anyway.

It's shock Char. It will be OK. Just sit for a while. It is the mediation, not you.

I did wonder if it was or not, Pea. But it's so quiet here that it couldn't be anything else. It felt like someone was in my head. Now it's just like gears are spinning really really fast. It's scary

spelling!

You do need to go back to your GP. He can refer you for some counselling maybe? This will help.

CharChar - hang in there and in the morning see your GP - it is more than likely the Seroxat. I was prescribed it and after reading the info on-line refused to take it. My friend who is a GP said she would never prescribe it these days. I am on Sertraline and also breastfeeding, it's so much safer and easier to handle. I think some gp's just open their big book and don't think about what they are prescribing.

I had something similar when on seroxat, it is very likely to be the medication. Have you heard voices before?

Hold on in there chick. Breathe deep <weak smile>

Mad idea but if you need someone to speak to verbally can the samaritans help in this case? Or NHS direct? You need someone who can help you calm down then do talk to GP tomorrow morning.

I've got to go to bed shortly. Hope you manage to get some sleep too. What time is DP home?

OK. This isn't listed on the 'common side effects'. That's not to say that seroxat can't be the cause.

How you doing now, calming at all?
<sorry off to catch up on thread>

I've had one counselling appointment, was supposed to have another yesterday but I forgot. I'm really crap at remembering appointments. I did question the doctor about the Seroxat as I said I didn't like it, she said blah blah blah media panic, only in children etc. etc.

I've never heard voices in my head before. Only once in my last depressive thing which was pretty massive, I had screaming in my head one night. It wasn't quite like this though.

really really thinking of you tonight, I know how crap this feels. You will get through the night and I'm sure your gP will confirm that's it the seroxat. Hang in there.

glad you've got bnf and you're well informed on it all

so we just chill out here, eh?

I'm settling down a bit, still v jittery though. I was about to go to bed, this illness has exhausted me. Now I feel all wired. I haven't eaten much today which probably hasn't helped.

Got to be the Seroxat. Especially after a fortnight.

Thanks everybody, this is really helping. Dp is home tomorrow at 5pm. Typical that this would happen when he's on a long shift.

sounds really frightening experience.
hopefully it won't crop up again, cross fingers and such

Lots of love to you. Hope you can rest tonight and get to gp in the morning.

I don't want this. I want to be ok. I've had a really happy day with DD today.

MY goodness - are you ok? Are you under anyones care? Personally, if it was me I would call the crisis team, would freak me out. Was it like yourself talking to yourself but angry, or an actual voice?

Go and feed yourself, a sandwich. It's not nice to be hungry. It will make you feel less shakey by raising your blood sugar aswell. Panorama did a coule of programmes a while back about seroxat. The effects can be terrible so it's best to go back.

Eat NOW, please.
As you know, whether you feel like it or not, you have to eat, drink and sleep regularly to get through depression.
I found out the hard way. Don't do it my way

this may help? Haven't read yet though

It's going to be OK. You just had a bad reaction to it. There isn't anything you could have done. Asking for help on here is really brave. You can beat this. You are made of strong stuff.

It was like a little person. God that's sounds really fucking crazy doesn't it. A little man. I could see him and he was jumping around in my head.

I had a cheese sandwich before, and I've just had some Haribo <<rolls eyes>> It's because I can't taste anything, I've got no appetite. I usually have the opposite problem.

I wish I'd posted this in chat Now people will be able to read it forever.

It's not crazy. It's not your fault, you are not crazy. He sounds like an annoying twat. The faster you go back to the GP and get off the ad's the better.

Haribo's will make you shakey, too much sugar if you have not been eating. Yogurts? Some porridge?

re-read Avena's last post. You're strong, and you've proved it posting here. May help somebody else in future so don't be

Just concentrate on getting nice and calm and relaxed [and FED] for now eh?>

It's fine. Just ask MN to deleat the thread. You really do have nothing to be ashamed or or embarassed about. Now, if you said you wanted to pierce your baby's ears, this would be different.

I have to save the milk for DD, can't afford any more til Thurs. I've got some bread though, I'll have a bit now.

toast? jam butty?
<starts feeling hungry too>

roffle at ear-piercing ...I went on that thread too

Eat something and try to sleep. Auditory hallucinations ie hearing voices happens to lots of people when they are tired - and if you have a newborn you are going to be short on sleep. It may well be linked to your meds and the lack of sleep increasing it.

Honestly, loads and loads of people occasionally hear voices - it's just a little misfire in the head. And yes it has happened to me a time or two (no meds, severe prolonged sleep deprivation due to rubbish job a few years ago).

Thanks everybody. I'm going to try and get to bed in 15 mins or so. I really appreciate you all helping me

Well DD is 15 months but might as well be a newborn [yawn] I'll try and get some sleep soon. I do hope it's just a blip.

lol! There have been some cracking threads on here over the past couple of weeks. You'd think they would do a search first but no!

Mmm, toast!!!

You OK char?

have a relaxing night
take care
x

Go back to the GP.

I hope you get things sorted. You'll be OK. You'll look back on tonight and see it as a turning point for things getting better.

Thanks. Am off upstairs now, hopefully dd will stay quiet so I can have a bit of relaxation in the dark. Night night.

Goodnight.

Well I got through the night ok, am v tired though as I didn't settle until 2 and DD was up a few times. I feel better but still a little jittery. The doctors couldn't give me an appointment til tomorrow. Thanks for all your support last night, it helped a lot.

Hi,you didn't miss a tablet did you?
I was on seroxat before and if I missed one or two I would have relly weird dreams and feelings of dread .One time I was lying in bed and was freaked out taht there was someone in the room, freaky stuff, I came off them but had to do it gradually .
Hope you fell better soon..

I didn't miss a tablet yesterday but I did miss one the other day. Could that cause it? I hate taking medication I can never remember. It was very freaky, I hope the doctor will change the tablets tomorrow. Thanks.

I'm so pleased everything's OK. Just tell them tha you don't want to be on the seroxat. They won't make you take it if you don't want to. It's your body, you choose what you put onto it.

I hope they'll change it. It was too scary last night. If not I'll just come of ADs completely and deal without them.

Counselling or some other types of therapy can really help. I see ab's as a good thing, they help people cope but they don' deal with the underlying problems. These still exist when the patient is no longer on the ab's so is not helpful as they are more than likely to need the ab's again in the future. It's more often than not better to tackle things head on and let it all out. It's a very brave thing to do IMO.

Remember to come off them slowly if this is what you want. Cold turkey can make you ill! Is it PND that you have?

It's more like situational depression I think. It comes and goes in cycles. I prefer counselling to ADs as they're just a short term solution really.

It can be really hard when you are at home with a little one. It's isolating, every day tends to roll into one. There are so many parents that feel this so you are not alone. You can change things though. Are there clubs or groups that you can join? It will help because it will give you something to aim for and look forward to. Even if it's something like a baby swimming group at the leisure centre, anything that gets you out.

I would agree with phantom, although I do know that in the midst of depression you may not want to these things, it is good for you to make yourself do them, it works after a while and one day you realise that you are actually enjoying life again.

Although I'm sure you know this already if you have been through it before

We go to four baby groups a week (I know, trademark lonely mum or what?) I usually don't feel like going but force myself mainly for DD but also to break the day up a little. DP works long hours and it can get very lonely here. I'm trying to go for long walks too and get some fresh air. It all feels so hopeless atm, but I know it won't always. Thankyou for being so understanding.

How are you felling this evening , any jitters?

God I must remember to check my spelling.{blush]

Just a bit funny feeling, not jittery exactly, just a bit restless. I'm worried about it happening again as well.

I'm a single mum and have been since ds was born. I remember what it was like. I used to go for walks with him to the city centre just so I had someone to talk to, even if it was just a hello. I didn't see any of my friends much when I had ds. They stopped inviting me out because I often couldn't get a babysitter. It was a lonely existance, I spent all of my time with ds, doing the same things day after day. I wish I had gone and joined some clubs or a mother and baby group but hindesight is an evil thing.

You're not a trademark lonely mum. It can be so difficult, there are so many in the same boat so you are really not alone. Is there someone at the baby group you get on with? Maybe go for a coffee and a chat? It really is like starting school again, nervewrecking! Is there another club you can go to for you? Something you enjoy rather than to pass the time? You may be able to take dd with you aswell. It's important to take some time for you. What about having a pamper evening with a couple of friends when dd is in bed?

I do the same thing Avena, the pointless walking just for someone to speak to. Most of my old friends have fallen by the wayside, all too busy. I have a few friends from the baby groups I've been to but don't see them much as they're busy too. I'm trying to start some new hobbies but it's hard to find the motivation sometimes.

I've just read that back and I sound disgustingly negative. I appreciate your help

You're not being negative. It can be bra looking after a little one, you get to see them walk and talk but the rest of the time you are in groundhog day, constantly re-running the same day over and over again, mostly by yourself.

Have you tried mumsnet local for some other caterpillars that are in their coccoon, waiting to turn into butterflies? What are your interests?

I've only looked at MN local once a while ago. The nearest people to me are a train journey away, which doesn't sound much but we never have money for things like that. I don't really know what my interests are tbh. I've abandoned so many of them since DD was born. I like reading and writing but they're pretty 'alone' activities. I used to do some art too but there isn't the time now. I just seem to mn and occasionally read now.

Hey I was a lonely mum too once,walking the streets, remember it so well !

I think it's only natural for you to feel worried that it will happen again, that doesn't mean it's going to though!
I still remember that feeling of someone sinister in my room, it was so real and frightening at the time but it never happened again.Even as it was happening I kind of knew that it was the medication and I had been jumpy all day,so I was able to tell myself it's only the medicine and then it wasn't so frightening..

We went to the prom near us today. The waves were huge and DD laughed when they came up over the top of the wall. She chased after dogs but couldn't catch up and had a cuddle every 10 steps. It was lovely. Cold but lovely. I do like my own company a lot, I always have. I like the peace with my own thoughts. But when it's the only option it's not quite so attractive.

Do you have some family that would babysit for you?

Try mn local again. People don't often admit that they are lonely so tend not to put anything on there. start up a thread and see what happens.

My family all either work or live too far away. DP babysat the other night when my dad took me to a concert but that doesn't happen very often as he works a lot of lates. I've looked through all the threads on mn local but noone seems to be close to me, all in Liverpool.

Start a thread, just incase . Have you told your family how you are feeling?

OK, I will. Haven't told them no, they'd either be skeptical or worried and I don't want that.

You should tell them. They are your family and they care. Maybe they can do something to help you and it will give you someone you can really talk to. Your mum should understand but they won't know unless you tell them. From the outside your life probably looks a lot different than it really is and they are only seeing small bits. You do need some support but you have to tell them because they won't know otherwise.

My mum is part of the problem tbh. There aren't many others, but they just wouldn't get it. They know I'm feeling down but I couldn't be getting into specifics with them, they'd just be embarrassed and change the subject. I don't want my dad to worry either, he already does enough.

I would try a counsellor through the GP. They are very useful and are a great help. I'm not sure how long you'll have to wait for an appointment though, it varies. Is dp no help either?

what about his family?

Dp is fabulous, just don't want to worry him. He supports me as much as he can but is very busy. He knows most of what's up but not what happened last night. I'm too embarrassed tbh. His family live two hours away and MIL's health is poor so they can't do too much. I'll get by though

I've got the GP counselling, just need to rearrange the last appointment I missed

You have nothing to be embarrased about! I've found facebook good for getting in touch with people I have not seen for a while. There's groups on it aswell so you may find one that interests you. It's worth a look.

how's it going today? sorry i haven't caught up on all the posts yet, will take a quick squint through

Not bad gigglewitch, thanks Feeling a bit wiped out though. Had some bad news from my dad about his divorce too so still smouldering about that.

I'm on Facebook Avena. Don't talk to many people though. Ever so friendly, me!

I'm on facebook too! There's loads of groups. You may find one near you.

I'll have a look tomorrow. I have a lot of people from my old school on there but we're so different now it's a bit pointless.

It's worth a try. It's a good idea to join a club to find like minded folk, at least you'll all like the same things.

good idea avena.
For starters join the mn group if you just want to go on there for fun! Then maybe branch out?

Yes I'm on mn group It's one of my few groups. First I need to figure out what I'm actually interested in now

Art? Theatre? Bet there's a book club. I'm in a group of pagan witches.

I'm full of good ideas giggle!

I'll probably look for a book group or something. Just as a start. I'm off to bed ladies, this cold is nasty and has me exhausted all the time. And DD was mean and didn't let me have a nap with her today. Thanks so much for your help.

You're welcome. Night.

roffle at the chocolatecake being on a pagan witch group

Char, I hope you don't mind me suggesting something, but I have experienced something similar to what you describe.

Do you get headaches or migraines?
I get stress related migraines and if I have a really bad one I sometimes 'hallucinate', but mine are usually visual and I 'see' people.
It can be the first sign that one is comimg on, and I also get the 'whirring' feeling in my head.
I also get a panicky feeling when I am out that I have left the house undressed.

To help with remembering to take tablets, I got one of those things that is divided into days of the week, and leave it (safely) near the kettle.

It sounds like you are doing amazingly well under a lot of pressure and I really hope you feel more positive soon.

lol! I'm on mn too, one from ds's old school for some odd reason, Hugh chicken dude's group and a couple of ones I got roped into.

<small hijack>?
Avena if you fancy emailing me - addy on profile - a bit of a clue as to your name on fb (are you already in my friends list i wonder? I do loose the plot a bit with some mners)

I've just hit the top of 'if you want a mumsnet friend, add yourself here' by adding myself! It's on the mn group on facebook.

Oh, found charchar!

OK I was going to bed, but DD woke up AGAIN so I'm back. I will be going soon though.

That's interesting mou. I do get migraines, and I appear to be getting a lot moe stress related headaches recently. I've never had auditory hallucinations with them though. I've had funny smells (olfactory, is it?) though. That's something to look into, thankyou. I might get one of the divided box things, would probably help me.

It sounds to me like you need a good night's undesturbed sleep char!

Tell me about it Avena! DD appears not to agree though. She's not well either and has been teething for ages so she can't get comfortable. She just keeps coughing and coughing in the night. She'll settle down soon and maybe then I'll get some rest

It does get better, honestly it does.

She's so unsettled now, crying in her sleep. I wish I could make it better for her. I can't relax because I know I'll be up and down all evening.

Just try and sleep when she's asleep. There's no need to vaccume or clean up, it gets messy anyway. The most important things are you and her. You need to rest too, exhaustion isn't good for either of you.

I try to, trust me I'm the biggest slattern going! She's unsettled even in naps now though, I have to keep settling her. Which means no rest for me. I struggle to get to sleep early as well, it's like my body won't switch off. I was the same last time as well only I used to be up until 4 or 5 then. At least I can sleep at about 1 or 2 now. It'll all get better soon.

You may sleep but disturbed sleep is worse than no sleep. It can cause a whole number of problems, reduced immune system, poor attention span etc. You're finding it hard to switch off because you are on edge all the time waiting for her to wake up.

Have you tried some things to help her get herself back to sleep when she wakes up?

I'm off to bed. I hope you get to sleep well.

agree about disturbed sleep being worse than staying up.
Oohh flippin eck. Have you tried the co-sleeping thing at all? Bizarrely i appear to sleep (as opposed to erm well stay awake stalking round the house all night) when i have the lo next to me. No clue how that one works because i would have expected pretty much the opposite.
We don't do it all the time, no way , but when they're ill or [down to pnd] i want to keep whichever one near me, it works fine.

Sorry I went to bed. She's quite a good sleeper when there's nothing wrong with her so I'm just playing the waiting game now. She starts the night in her cot and then comes in with us in the early hours. I do sleep a lot better with her tucked up next to me and so does she.