Very low

[holdon]

Feeling very depressed.

Not coping with the children been shouting at them all day. Do not want to be with them.

House is a tip.

On verge of splitting with dh.

Not coping with working, work compressed hours and from home but it is killing me, dd now not sleeping in the day and never have time to catch up.

Physically a mess, overweight and cannot lose weight and comfort eating.

Dp works weekends and so alone.

Used to have good mum support but had very difficult time at work last year, was harassed at work, managed to deal with but it cost me 30k in legal fees and almost destroyed me. Managed to get another job, ideal job really, but wonder if it is the fall out of what we all went through last year. Anyway because of all the grief isolcated myself and now in touch with very few other parents.

Just need to get it all out.

[onepieceoflollipop]

holdon so sorry you are feeling like this. Have you spoken to anyone (like GP) about feeling depressed?

No wonder you feel low, you have so much going on. Is there anyway you could get more support, e.g. get back in touch with some of the mums you used to see?

I am sure that there are others on here with better advice and that understand a little of what you are going through.

[gigglewitch]

also wondered about mentioning it to gp, it needs bravery but it is a good idea. meantime, keep posting here, lots of listening ears who have been down that black hole too

[Flamesparrow]

Oh sweetheart

Splitting with DH - I'm assuming that it is a symptom of all the crap and how low you are feeling rather than something that has happened (if that makes sense?).

I am soooooooooo much happier now I am on ADs. I fought going on them for a long time, and now, my situation hasn't changed, but my perspective has. The house is a tip, but I feel I can deal with it in little stages, and not let the rest get to me in the meantime. The kids still play up, but I am less likely to snap and start yelling, and then wind up feeling a crap mother. DS still wakes in the night, but my sleep when he IS asleep is better, so I can cope with the broken nights better.

[holdon]

Thank you, your post has made helped me cry which I think is a start!

I just feel I have made a mess of it all. Before my second child was born I had never shouted at my son. Now it is a daily occurrence.

I was harassed throughout my second pregnancy, mat leave and upon going back to work, in total it went on for 18 months. It was a nightmare but I could not walk out as had to stay to finish a project without which the last ten years work would have counted for nothing. It was hell though, towards the end I felt like an animal in a cage being prodded by sticks.

During that time I became a rat bag mum and began to withdraw from other parents.

[onepieceoflollipop]

How old are your children holdon? When my dd2 was born last Summer I found that things changed immensely with the jump from one to two. Some days I rant and cry and feel so frustrated. I really sypathise with you. Some days I rant at my dh for very minor pathetic things but they seem so vital at the time.

[holdon]

2 and 4
Yes its a huge leap

[gigglewitch]

i have two those ages as welll. lovely but soooooo demanding at times, they have so much more energy than me. Am also recovering from pnd. you sound like you're a tough cookie to deal with the harassment thing,it is a while after the stressful stuff that everything sort of catches up with you isnt it

[holdon]

I know I have to pull myself together, I feel so low. Not sure where to go from here, no energy and dp just got back and we are 'not talking'.

The two year old is driving me to distraction, will not be still, emptying everything out of fridge, drawers, disobedient, wriggly - a normal child with an abnormal mother.

[gigglewitch]

it sounds like you are definitely in need of a bit of support, please go to see your gp!
pulling oneself together is for curtains so forget that for an idea. I also stopped talking to dh, was utter hell to live with and continually felt annoyed and grumpy with the children. give yourself a break, perhaps start by telling dh that you are feeling really low - no more than that if you don't want to at this stage, but explain at some point that you need medical help and you really need him to love you even though you are not being "you" just now. hang in there