I am not right. How cn I get better.

[madamez]

I am a bad person and a very bad parent.Shall i just send ds to his dad.

[avenanap]

Why? What's bothering you?

[gigglewitch]

hugs madamez [which you may not like but i'm sending anyway]
what can we help with?

[greenelizabeth]

Blimey don't do that !! What's up chuck?

[madamez]

I dont feel right in myself. I feel all roken and wrong. DS has a bruise on his arm, and I knw he got it because I pulled him back out of the road but its still abruise and I just feel like shit anyway

[avenanap]

Rather a bruise then two broen legs from being run over by a car. Don't feel bad about it. You protected him. You seem a bit down today. Tomorrow will be better. It's just a crappy day. They will come and go. They always go though.

[greenelizabeth]

You saved his life. What's a bruise? How many million did you ahve when you were young.

You been on anti-Ds lately madamez? They are very good. I recommend them. Talking about your problems is all very well,but nobody gonna magic you into a millionnaire with a nanny and a villa in Puerto Banus.

Jogging good for the soul. Can you jog while he's at school? Or do you work while he's at school?

I jogged and pill-popped my way out of a depression.

[greenelizabeth]

Madamez, you've given me good advice and you've made me laugh. You come across as very strong, and very sorted actually. But that's not to say that you're not allowed a little wobble. {passing you a tissue]

Sod the tissue [pouring you glass of sauvignon]

[madamez]

if i get ads will i still be me? will they make me a zombie? scared of losng slef but scarecd of being really bad mum and hrting ds more i know what i need to do but i am scaredof that too

don worry this is not a suicide watch thread i am just feelling really shitty

[avenanap]

My mum's on ads. She's her normal self but does nod off easily. try them. They are a temporary thing to help you. You're not a bad mum. There's a thread about bad mums somewhere, you are definetly not in this category. You're just having a bad time and feeling low. It's OK, we all feel like this sometimes.

[gigglewitch]

i'm still on ad's for pnd and dd is tow and a half they make me feel better, get rid of the fog and mush and dare i say normal - enough to appreciate my dc instead of shouting at them, sometimes you just need a bit of a lift and then you can get going by yourself.

[gigglewitch]

oops mean TWO

[Threadwormm]

Really sorry you are having a bd day madamez.

Things won't seem so black tomorrow.

Don't be afraid of ADs. You will still be you. Their effect is quite marginal -- enough to pull you out of a slump but not a fundamental change in who you are.

[greenelizabeth]

Course you will be. My God, I was the OLD me, I was the REAL me when I was on them. They pushed out of my head the negative thoughts that had been doing laps in my head for months. Those negative depressing thoughts weren't the real me.

The real me used to see the humour in everything. Well, almost everything!!! The anti-depressants gave me back my OLD original outlook on life again. They were like a crutch. I still got myself back, because I think a button had switched in my head and I finally said to myself, I'm not going to get any more depressed, I'm going to take measures to HELP myself now. And as I said, I got very into jogging (still find jogging very helpful, difuses negative energy and sorts out my thoughts while I run)

But after all that waffle, the point is, they will not turn you into a zombie NO way. And they're not addictive either. I was on Lustral. Only side effect was I lost weight.

I hope I@ve explained that well. I know how much they helped me - Lustral. A SSRI

[madamez]

I know that what i really hve to do is doi the tracing thing and atleast fine out about my birth parents because i think that what is wrong with me is not knowing and it didtnt want that to be whats wrong but today i am a bit pissed off because someone apears to have nicked my cameara...

[greenelizabeth]

Sometimes we can just about deal with the big stuff and then a tiny knock is the straw that breaks the camel's back.

I didn't know that you were tracing your birth parents. I only knew that you were one of the most sorted, confident single mums on the board from coming across you on the lone parent board.

You sound like you probably have a LOT of thoughts competing for thoughts in your head. There's only so much space in your head!! Bit crowded in there some nights I bet!! A lot of your thoughts are probably questions. And those questions just go round and round and round until they're answered or you gain acceptance or you take anti-Ds. OK not a cure all. BUT they help you deal with the shit. Maybe you take them and you still feel you have a lot of shit to wade through, but it all feels less insurmountable on anti-Ds.

Must go to bed now.

[avenanap]

Ohh, bastards! They will wake up in the morning with lice crawling around their armpits.

Is there someone who can help you look for your birth parents? A close friend?

[madamez]

my poor ds hismummy doesnt love him enough

[avenanap]

You saved him from getting run over. Is this not a sign of love?

[OverMyDeadBody]

oh madamez

I bet that's not true

[OverMyDeadBody]

as notjustamom said, you may not feel it right now, but that doesn't mean it isn't there.

I know how it feels though, I feel like a bad mummy these days

[gigglewitch]

when you get out of the fob-bubble you will find how huge your love for him is. your head has too much going on in there to know what feelings are connected to what atm, but honestly you can find all of the real you and all your boxes of love and everything - they're just a bit lost in the post. you'll get them back. and you can not possibly be a bad mummy, i have seen toooooo many of your posts to let you say that. grr.

[gigglewitch]

meant FOG. gawd my typoooing is crepe tonight