How to help friend with PND?

[futurity]

My bf gave birth to her first child three weeks ago. I have only spoken to her once after about a week after the birth (we don't live close) and she was ok and we texted lots. However, I picked up from the texts that she was not in a good place. Lots of tears, crap health visitors making her feel crap about feeding (she is mixed feeding as he had trouble latching on at first so she is expressing and bottle feeding I think).

Anyway, tried to phone a few times but no answer which I wasn't surprised at so I emailed her Mum as I was concerned and she has confirmed that she has got PND. She has been prescribed Seroxat which she was on before she was pregnant but isn't happy to take it apparently.

Her Mum is being fab as is the DH but he has to work lots and is away this week and she is obviously worried how she will cope. I obviously want to drop everything and rush over but of course life/work/my kids prevent that so what else can I do? I never had PND..just general depression 10 months after DS2 was born but that's another story! I feel unable to advise properly when I haven't been there and wanted to hear from Mums who went through it..what would (if anything) of helped you? I have emailed her Mumsnet link saying how it helped me talking to people here but don't know if she is on it yet.

Thanks in advance

[secretstars]

Hi there

I am too going through PND i was diagnosed with it about 2 months ago and have been on citalopram for almost 5 weeks which is really helping me!

I would advice your friend to just take each day at a time she must understand that is is not a superwoman!! I too have a parnter who works long hours and my family work too, so it can be very lonely at times.

She needs time to herself too, just her and her husband, so if she can get a baby sitter to help her out so that her and her husband have their time still, honestly it does help, althought i was having panic attacks and anxiety all day long, i couldnt be around people, but i never thought i would be saying this, but it does get better, just keep reassuring her that this is just a rough patch which does past but not instant gradually, perhaps you could get her to join this site, it does help speaking to people about it.

xxx

[futurity]

thanks for your response secretstars. i spoke to my mum who went through it and she says that the pills will help her as they will help her to cope with the day to day and that, like you said, it will get better slowly. Feel so helpless though

[cutshka]

I'm back on Citalopram three weeks after DD arrived and what's really helped me was the midwives being so insistent that PND is TOTALLY about hormones, and nothing to do with you as a person. I went two years without being diagnosed last time and every day I felt 'What's wrong with me? I've got this wonderful baby and yet I'm crying all the time - I'M the problem'. Also had huge problems feeding and felt like total failure as mother. This time round, PND was picked up within two weeks and that's already made a HUGE difference to how I feel. PND really is all about hormones, it's nothing to do with you as a person and you can't hear that enough.

What helps? A break away from things - even if it's just a coffee with friends whilst her DH has the baby, or a nice long sleep when the baby's not near enough to wake her up. I can't bear being around people either, but I know that once the pills kick in I'll feel better. Her DH really needs to understand how she feels too - I never told my DP how I felt first time round, but this time he was there at the midwife appt when I was diagnosed so he could ask questions and be told how it REALLY feels (especially as midwife had had PND with both of hers).

Best wishes to your friend - she CAN come through this, and it's great she's had help so early on. Don't make feeding too much of a focus, just concentrate on helping her.

[wobbegong]

I wonder if this thread would help either of you:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/8/476723

It has many tips from empathetic MNetters. IMO the best kind of help you could give would be practical help (eg. cleaning, meals, baby minding etc), especially if her DH is away. I am sorry if that is not what you want to hear as it is difficult for you to go over- hopefully her mum will be helping in this way though.