bit down tonight, come and give me a virtual slap someone!!!

[davidtennantsmistress]

anyone!

as you might remember, XH & I split up last september, 6 weeks after i'd had a m/c (3rd but second with him in 2 years) a lot of stuff has come out since we split up re him and other women, etc etc.

but the jist of it is in the last 9 months, have lost a baby (which we were actually trying for) a husband a house (had to move) and pretty much a stable all round life.

SIL was also expecting (but due a month after me) has just had the baby, who is absolutely lovely I might add - both SIL and baby. Saw baby for the first time today, and am feeling a littel down as a consequence. it's not his/their fault, and he's adorable, just can't help thinking what's gone on over the last year.

I know i've got DS and tbh without him I wouldn't be here now - simple as really after this last year, so just give me a slap, and i'll pull myself together again! lol. ta.

[davidtennantsmistress]

funny thing is, on my actual due date, I was unsteady, but spent the day out with family shopping so didn't really think about it all too much.

[Jackstini]

Hi DTM (Munz iirc?)
I remember this happening hun - I was on the mc thread with you (and the March 08 thread when you had Joey!)
Perfectly understandable to be feeling a bit crappy - you will still be grieving sometimes for the 'what might have been' moments.
Hang in there with your beautiful boy - you will be fine and things will get better x

[barbamama]

Won't give you a slap, will give you a virtual hug instead.

[davidtennantsmistress]

yep tis me jacks - XH was reading my posts under that log in so changed to something more appropriate for now! lol. how are you getting on?

I don't know how much of it is what ifs etc, it's not what if i'd had the baby or XH and I didn't split up, it's I should have a baby now irrespective of what happened with XH - (would have coped with a new baby & all the other crap that's gone on this year).

I jsut feel so crap, cos this is/should be a happy time for DB/SIL? grandparents - and whilst I've not said a word to DB/SIL - and have no intention of ever, mum knows, and gave me a big hug - just feel crappy for feeling like this.

has to be said thou baby's tiny, so lovely, (sorry v gushy proud aunty) but all the while when he was crying today (which was a lot for one reason and another! lol I was thinking at least I don't have the NB cry anymore! lol)

[Cadmum]

I'm with Barbamama... Sending you warm thoughts and a virtual hug.

At the risk of sounding like a broken record, you need to be kind to yourself. You have really been through an awful lot in a short period of time and are bound to have bad days.

My life is coming up roses by comparison but I still have days where I wonder what if...

I didn't know that you had moved. (or are you still in with your parents?)

Is there anything practical that I can do to help? Do you want to shout down the phone to someone that you only know from MN? I am here if you want someone to listen.

I will watch this space. Keep posting!

[davidtennantsmistress]

thanks caddy, no not with mum anymore - althou might as well be, we live 10 mins walk and are going over there for dinner 3 times a week roughly - might as well be their food bill instead of mine right! lol.

i'll be OK, just having a down day. oh must tell XH about the gas bill coming thru as well he has to pay. 101 things to do as always! nothing practical anyone can really do, need to work thru it all is all.

do have a dp now who's been lovely - doesn't know the full ins and outs, but he's been ringing me to cheer me up! lol - bless!

[Cadmum]

You are an amazingly kind person for putting your SIL's feelings before your own. You might find that a few months down the road that you are able to share your feelings with her and that it will bring you closer. I am certain that some small part of her must know that your happiness for her is tinged with your own sadness.

Your mum sounds fab as well. I am glad that she was sensitive about your feelings. At least there is someone in RL who is switched on.

[Cadmum]

Do you mean that you have a new DP?

[davidtennantsmistress]

yes I do caddy - and without getting gushy over him as well! ah sod it! lol. he's lovely, can over last night, we ate, we chilled out, he's an amazing person. but obv something's i've kept back for the minute.

I wouldn't mention it to her - I know she's very in tune, but this is hers/DB's special time - was very odd seeing DB in the 'dad' role, but very sweet seeing them both fussing over the baby! lol.

[youknownothingofthecrunch]

Sorry to hear you're feeling crappy -not surprised though. It is crap, it isn't fair and it's bloody hard.

The fact that you have ds doesn't mean that you can't be sad that you should have another dc. I felt the same after my mc, people even said "At least you've got ds", but that's a load of rubbish. Only with a mc would we even consider trying to crush off grief with "Be grateful for what I have". If (God forbid) my sister died, I wouldn't for a second think "At least I've still got a brother", I would grieve for the loss.

My BF was due at my due date, and although 100% happy for her, I was very sad for me. And felt horrible for feeling sad.

You have a right to grieve and be sad - you're being careful not to detract from SIL's happiness, so don't beat yourself up about it.

Sorry for the ramble...

[Cadmum]

Wow! You are moving on and making progress. Remember to be true to yourself though! It takes time to heal and move on.

I agree that this is your DB and SIL's time to be in the spotlight.
I did not tell my SIL how devastated I was when she railed on about her unwanted pregnancy while I was desperate for another but last summer (our DDs were 1 1/2 and 1) she brought it up and it was an immense relief that she at least knew how awful I felt at the time.

[davidtennantsmistress]

I know caddy, thanks for the concern, tbh it's nice for some lighter refreshment & nothing too serious right now.

ynnotc - not a ramble, thanks for sharing with me.

have spent 2 hours on the phone to DP, talking about various stuff, having a laugh which has really helped - actually stopped crying for the first time since half five! things will look brighter tomorrow i'm sure.

[collision]

....and just to brighten your day DTM, I read that David Tennant's GF has just dumped him so he might still marry you!!!!

[collision]

bump

[davidtennantsmistress]

lol. ah yes I had heard about that!

[Jackstini]

Sorry dtm, over at head office at the moment and got called into a meeting.
The what ifs can be awful - hard to get away from. It's not to say you won't have another baby one day though.
How are you feeling today?
I am ok, getting past my edd in March was really hard but then I just got a bfp last week! Not counting chicks yet as I lost the last 2 but fingers crossed.
I think you are being so lovely to your db and sil, just shows what a kind selfless person you are.
Glad to hear about your new dp - you deserve someone to make you feel good again x

[davidtennantsmistress]

i'm doing ok today thanks, been out to the beach with M&D, so more on an evan kneel - or that just might be from the chocs I ate! lol.

will keep everything crossed for you.

might ahve another one day - still young enough to (only 26 so you never know)