Feel like crying and feel I can't cope............

[warmsummersday]

Hi everyone.

I have felt awful the past few days. DD went back to school on monday and has been awful, moody, talking back to me, rude etc and I have ended up shouted back at her. DD2 (19 months) just hits all the time and even though she will sit on the naughty step she doesn't understand and just goes back to hit again.

OH works abroard all week and have no support, he is going to phone tonight as im desperate for a chat. I feel lonely, fed up, a bad mum and i feel I have no patience with my children anymore.

Sorry to rant but can't handle this.

[paperchain]

I am here for a bit - chat to me.

So sorry you feel horrible. {{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}} is there anyone you could ring or a friend you could ask to come over for a coffee?

PCx

[warmsummersday]

Hi.

I put the kids to bed early and have just sat on the internet so feel abit better. I think I am also tired. I had PND last year and managed to come off the tablets but feel down every now and then. Meant to be going to my mum's tomorrow but was out all day today and really don't feel like it. Don't really have the energy to talk to anyone.

[paperchain]

oh warmsummersday, you poor thing. It is horrible when we feel so low. That feeling where you just want to find a corner to crawl into, and cover yourself with a duvet and hope no one finds you..

Have you been feeling like this for a while? Do you have a good health visitor you could talk to? If you had PND last year, you possibly could be a bit depressed again now? What do you think?

Do you think you could get an early night yourself, perhaps with a bath first? Then you might have a bit more energy in the morning and feel like going to see your mum? Sometimes when we dont have the energy to talk to people is the time when we really need to force ourselves to do so. Just a thought.

DS1 is reading over my shoulder now, so I am going to throw him in the bath, but I will be back later so do post again.

{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}

[LaidbackinEngland]

DO you get any support from anyone ? Do you have a local sure start that you could access with your DD ?

[lulumama]

homestart in your area? if there is a local sure start childrens; centre they are a mine of useful info re support with young children

dn;t worry about naughty step for 19 month old. just distract and say no firmly. it is a stage they all go through! DD once bit a client's child and i was mortified, when she was around this age.

any way you can build up a support system>

acn you afford for your youngest to go to a cm for a few hours a week so you get a break

[warmsummersday]

What's sure start and home start?

The thing is though I do get a break as I have in laws in the same town so they often look after DD2 so I can go to the gym in the mornings.

I don't know if I could be abit depressed again. I came off the tablets and felt really good and still d most of the time. Haven't felt as good as I did for years. tiredness also has alot to do with it and when im out all day that doesn't help.

[keevamum]

Hi warmsummers day you sound just like me...I also have a 'naughty' almost 2 year old who is a bit of a handful but a complete character aswell. My eldest DD has also gone back to school and gives me lots of back chat and DH is not abroad for work but we rarely see him in the week. Also gave up my ADs about a year ago and have felt much better but every now and then come over very low still. Sure start and home start are I think govt funded and will offer practical help to anyone with children under 5. When I had PND I had an amazing volunteer from home start come to my house each week to help look after the little ones....even now I miss her. It just enabled me to get on with other things and have someone nice to have a coffee with...
My ILs are also in the same town and they do help out with a bit of childcare when I have work on but not if just for me time but I am thinking of asking extrememly nicely to see if once in a while I could have a little time for me/exercise etcetera..
I think it is always harder when the term restarts as you don't have as much flexibility and am sure you will start to feel better again in a few days but keep me posted would be nice to chat to someone in the same position.

[3kidsisquiteenuff]

hi there i can say that home start was a massive part in my recovery from pnd .i was introduced to a lovely "grandma" who volunteered to come to my house every week to give me help and support.it was just two hours but it really made a huge difference because my parents wouldnt help out and my dh's mum lives thousands of miles away.because she was'nt a member of my family i could tell her all my woes and she never judges me, even though im over the pnd we still see her every week as we have built a strong friendship and the 3 dc's love her

[warmsummersday]

Thanks everyone.

keevamum, we do sound like we are in the same situation!Maybe I can give you my email if you wanted to chat more?

I was also worried as I had alot of wine over the half term, what with friends staying the night and coming for dinner etc. Think I probably had a glass or tow every night and I know it was bad so this week am not having any (maybe a bottle over the weekend.) I was getting to the stage where I thought I need a drink in the evening.

I don't know if I fancy homestart really,think my DD's are too old now and I have such a busy life I don't know if I would have time.

[keevamum]

Again you sound like me. I think home start was fantasic when DD2 was very little and my PND was at its worst but at this stage with the kids and life as it is, I think it would prob tie me down too much. Yes would love to chat more if you fancy it?

[paperchain]

Hello again warmsunnyday. I wonder if the tiredness thing is perhaps a very big part in how you are feeling? That, combined with the after effects of a week of drinking alcohol and then stopping (which makes us feel depressed) plus seeing friends etc during half term, and now being alone.

I am not being patronising, but maybe a couple of really early nights, preceded by hot baths might make the world of difference?

PCx

[Martha200]

Hi warmsummersday - it's tough when our OH are away and abroad, I've been there.. do you find you want to tell him how you feel, but then worry about how he might react, that is worry? That's how I was/am.

That's interesting about homestart, I have a 5 yr old and 12 wk old and though ds1 goes to school, I find him very wearing, though I know deep down he is actually overall a good, kind hearted boy.. I struggle too.. I think I have PND and the tiredness really doesn't help, so I recommend early nights too

Don't be hard on yourself, you say you have a busy life so that combined with feeling tired is going to push the patience levels isn't it?!

[LaidbackinEngland]

Here is the link for homestart www.home-start.org.uk/needsupport/

and sure start childrens centres www.surestart.gov.uk/surestartservices/settings/surestartchildrenscentres/provison/

Most areas should be covered and if you don't have one in your area yet, you should do in the next 2 years.

These services can be accessed by anyone with a child under the age of 5...they are not specifically for disadvantaged groups.

[warmsummersday]

Hi, bringing this back to top again as still feeling crap.

Went to see my mum today and just burst into tears! I have been to bed early all week but still not feeling good.

Not sure if I need to go to doc and be put back on tablets but really don't want that.

[warmsummersday]

I know this sounds really stupid but does/ has anyone ever thought about ending their lives? God I can't believe I am saying this and haven't really thought about it until this week, not that I would ever do it. Just driving in the car I think I wonder what would happen if I crashed the car into that tree or if I took too many tablets. I have had a glass of wine so maybe im not thinking straight.

[foofi]

I sometimes think about crashing the car when I'm driving. You're definitely not the only one.

[foofi]

Incidentally, I've had a glass of wine ATM. I have panic attacks around tea time thinking I can't deal with being a mother and that's normally my way of coping. I know it's not good but it's what gets me through the day.

[milkmoustache]

OK - sounds like you really do need to go and get a bit more professional support again. If you have a supportive GP they may have other ideas than putting you back on the tablets, but sounds as if you do need to reach out for a bit of proper help. If you are feeling bad right now, remember that wine is bound to bring you further down - it is a depressive and is not going to help you think more clearly about stuff. Can you get your mum to come over this evening, just for a shoulder to cry on, or a proper chat? (hopefully you have a good relationship with her, otherwise speak to a friend who will be understanding). take care of yourself.

[warmsummersday]

Thanks. I think i have panic attacks at this time also and just being on here is helping get me through it. My mum is a childminder and her charge doesn't do home until 7.30pm and she live half hour away so now she can't come over. Will probably speak to a friend tonight though.

Do you really think I should see soemone again though?

[milkmoustache]

I've been very lucky and never suffered from PND, so I am definitely no expert, but if you are finding your moods suddenly plunging down again, the odd thought about 'what if I crashed the car', feeling that maybe a drink would help, then I think that yes, this might be the time to seek help before things get worse for you. Please don't give yourself a hard time over feeling bad - forms of depression are very tough to get over, and you deserve the support from wherever you can get it. I have to go and bath DD soon, but I'm sure there are plenty of other MNers around to chat too before you can contact your RL friends. Put yourself first and good luck.

[keevamum]

Hi WSD you do sound as if you are heading back into depression. PND can reoccur very easily in the first couple of years after having dc. Fortunately I have only had one occasion when I felt like doing something stupid but didn't but it did give me and DH a real shock and I think it makes you realise how serious PND can be.

I would never ever contemplate anything like that normally. I did manage (just) to claw my way back to some semblance of normality without ADs and it certainly didn't last as long as the previous fully blown PND after DD2's birth, so hopefully this might be a temporary hiccup for you too....but I think you need to rely on any other forms of help you can get if you have them.

Talk to friends openly and have a good cry, talk to family, let anyone willing to babysit and if you don't have this advertise for a babysitter to give you an evening off every now and then. Try to exercise as this is meant to help and music can be quite beneficial too as long as its not too maudlin.

Go back to your GPs and maybe enquire about some counselling, do you have any unresolved issues in your past? If so this may be helpful. I don't know what else to suggest but I hope you start to feel a bit better. It is truly horrible to feel so low that you are even contemplating ways of ending it.

From your own experience what has helped previously?

I do know that recently when DH has not been working such long hours I have felt so much better but unfortunately his job requires long hours and it drags me down again...Have even started to consider advertisng for an au-pair just to help with day to day things and obviously childacre when I work.

Keep chatting to us MNers too as I think it can be a really good outlet to let off steam and vent your concerns.

Just had one more idea which I read somewhere. It can help depression to do good turns for others, not sure why but I did try to do this for a while and it did seem to help. Maybe it's the feeling you get from knowing you have helped someone else...Must start doing this again.

Please post soon to let us know how you are feeling.