How do I start to tell doc I'm not ok?

[EyeballsintheSky]

DD is 12 weeks old. Since day 1 or even before, it hasn't been right. In a nutshell I feel trapped, unable to cope with even her most basic demands, I miss her when she's not here but within 5 minutes of her coming back I want to hand her over to DH and disappear. I've cried more in the last 12 weeks than in 36 years and I just want it all to go away. I love her to bits but can't cope with being with her most of the time and I'm not enjoying this special time.

I'm under the doc for high bp and go back every so often to have that checked. Each time they ask how I am coping, I hear myself say that I'm fine but inside my head I want to scream that I'm not.

I hate being out of control and the idea that people would think I can't cope with my own child but I need to get this sorted. How do I start the conversation? Docs asks 'how are you doing?'. What do I say?

[hippipotami]

I find that once you say the first word along the lines of 'not good', the rest will come tumbling out.

I managed to hide my depression for nearly 4 years, but sinking deeper and deeper into a black hole. I was not able to tell, same as you. Eventually one sympathetic gp asked 'do you think you may be depressed' and my whole body screamed 'yes,yes, finaly yes', and then I found I could not stop talking and crying

So start with 'not good', and take it from there.

Hope that helps.

xx

[FAQ]

Do you have a friend that could go with you??

my BF dragged me along to the GP last week and it's just as well she did.........I sat down and just froze - she ended up tellng the first part, and I just mumbled answers to the GP's further questions.

[divedaisy]

You simpley say 'I'm not ok and I don't know how to describe it to you.'

Eyeballsinthesky, I went through postnatal depression too and for the first 3 months struggled to cope and to be the perfect mum. I also couldn't find the words to describe how I was feeling. My description - I just cried, and cried and cried...

You need to get the help. you probably will be put onto antidepressants. These will help you, but the effects will build up over a few weeks.

Get extra help. Do you have friends/family nearby to help out? I found it hard to ask for help or to accept it when it was offered. Sometimes I didn't even know what help I needed. If possible ask someone to come in and clean your bathrooms and hoover; ask someone to take your washing, or to do a load of ironing. If you're not breastfeeding maybe ask someone to look after your DD while you get some deserved sleep; if you are Breastfeeding you may have to stop this if you go on antidepressants (this is what hapened to me) but you can still express some and let your dd have a bottle now and then to give you a rest.

By realising you are not well you are on the first step to getting well. You are the best mum because you have given your all to looking after your DD, but now you need to get some tender loving care too. I feels like you're not in control - noone is going to think of you as a bad mum, and they are not going to take your DD from you. Can you phone your GP in the morning or put an urgent call through to your Health Visitor. These people are professionals and will know what you are going through. The hardest bit is blurting out 'I'm not coping very well...', or 'I'm not OK but I dont knwo whats wrong'... or just cry. xx

[lackaDAISYcal]

you're halfway there by admitting to yoursefl that there is a problem. Poor you though, I've suffered on and off since my DS was born five years ago, and PND isn't nice

Like FAQ said, can you take someone with you? Your DH? My DH dragged me to the GPs when I was 30 weeks pg with my DD who was born last June and when ever I was at a loss for words, filled bits in for the GP. It was what I needed as I was getting further and further depressed and like youo kept telling everyone I was "fine"

Can you speak to your HV prior to seeign your GP as well? Our HV team have a mental heatlh nurse attached to them who will see you independantly of the GP and will act as liaison with the GP fi you find it difficult. She has been a great support for me.

[EyeballsintheSky]

Thanks everyone. I do have family nearby and my mum keeps offering to come and stay so she can have dd overnight but I can't get it out of my head that she's my responsibility and it shouldn't be for other people to do my job. I know that's silly but it sort of illustrates how hard I find it to hand over control to someone else.

DH is really good but I feel sorry for him because he comes in from work and gets handed a crying baby. I'm ff which is an issue all of its own and another reason why I've felt so bad from the start.

I'll make an appointment tomorrow but I know there's a good chance I'll come out of the room and be no further on. If I can just say something along the lines of I'm not coping very well then I'm fairly sure the tears will follow...

[hippipotami]

If all else fails, write it down. A simple note saying something along the lines of
'I am not coping well but am unable to put it into words' which you can pass to the gp in case you cannot get the words out.

They are there to help you, and will me more than sympathetic, honestly.

xx

[FAQ]

Eyeball, if it makes you feel any better. In the last week I wouldn't have survived with my 3 good friends. They've washed my dishes, washed the bottles, made them up, cleaned my house, even cooked dinner for me some nights. And just sat there and watched the DS's for me as I've sat on the sofa unable to do anything than just "look" at them (the DS's) and say virtually nothing.

It's been hard seeing them going out of their way to help me out, but at the same time I know I wouldn't have got through the last 7 days without them. And I'm sure I wouldn't be feeling as "ok" as I do now if I hadn't accepted their help.

I've still got a long way to go (only been on the Prozac a week), and tomorrow I may well wake up feeling awful again, but being able to say to people "help" has made a huge difference to me.

[EyeballsintheSky]

FAQ, I'm glad you're feeling better today and hope it continues. This is a horrible feeling and not what I expected, I thought it would be so easy, just a bit tiring. How wrong I was.

Thanks everyone for the suggestions. I will go in and try my best to speak up. DD is actually asleep for once so I'm heading off to bed now. Will make appt and hopefully I'll be able to report back that I spoke up and didn't back out as usual. Thanks again

[AMAZINWOMAN]

I know when I'm a grandparent, I will absolutley love minding my grandchildren. Im sure your mum is just looking forward to spending time with her beautiful grandchild.

Im sure she won't see it any other way.

[FAQ]

eyeballs - did you go to see your GP today???

[EyeballsintheSky]

Hi FAQ

Rang yesterday but couldn't get an appointment till Thursday. Taking dd to clinic for injections today so will try to have a prelim chat with them if the opportunity presents itself...

How are you doing?

[EyeballsintheSky]

Just quick update. Went to dr this morning. She asked me how I was and I said fine, as usual. As soon as I said it she raised her eyebrows at me so I had the opportunity to say I wasn't fine. Couldn't explain how I felt so I showed her my OP on this thread (thank the Lord for iPhones!).

She was brilliant and I feel much more 'normal'. Have been given AD's which I am ridiculously happy about in a funny way as now I feel like I have an illness and tablets to make it better, rather than weird things going on in my head.

Thanks everyone for your support. I'm so glad I was able to say something at last.

[FAQ]

oh so glad you've been and been able to tell you GP how you're feeling.

Remember it can take a couple of weeks for the AD's to start to kick in

[3kidsisquiteenuff]

hi eyeballs i too have pnd .the first time i had i didnt have a clue what on earth was wrong with me (7 yaers ago now)kept going back to gp with lots of symptoms and was misdiagnosed lots of times so it went on a long time until i was finally refered to the mental health team.but 2nd time round i knew what was wrong and was very vocal at the gp.glad you are on ad's they saved my life