I'm scared and losing weight again

[ImflightbutIcantlogintoday]

Sorry...so sorry to post this here. I don't know who I can talk with about it, I know there must be other people here who have been through eating problems, I thought I was over it, but I'm feeling really scared because I'm losing weight and not meaning to, just feel very lost and have no one I can trust.

Fallen out with my mother, which is maybe connected - she has always been quite controlling but I've lived near her and spoken nearly every day for a long time.

I was anorexic several years ago, have been stable for about 7 years now. But just in the last few weeks I've started to lose weight again and now my size 10 trousers are too big. I hate that dread of not being in control again. It's been such a long time since I lost it, I mean I eat badly but I do eat iyswim.
Recently I seem to have stopped.

I don't know what to do, I have two small children and can't afford to go down that road again.

Has anyone been here, can you tell me what you did to climb back out of the net?
Thanks x

[ImflightbutIcantlogintoday]

Shit I tried to namechange for that. Damn. It's not working properly.


Shit.

[whateverhappened]

hi - and poor you, esp with namechanging not working - not seen you before though. I've got an ibs related stress type thing, but end up trying to push it and liking it, so that I lose loads of weight. Like you, size 10 now too big - actually, size 8 are now too big, so bmi is too low - now under strict instructions from gp not to lose any more and preferably gain some, so am doing my best. Have managed to gain about 2 lbs in the last 10 days. Helps that my husband is the cook, and is just trying to cook things that I like and will eat. I'm trying to be very rational about it, and if my stomach is acting up then I try to eat something every two hours or so - bananas, fruit and nut mix, and toast as snacks, and then as much of a normal meal as I can handle - not always very much. I'm just trying to remind myself that size 10 is slim and is actually about right, and not to get hung up on weight - the main thing is having energy and being able to look after my kids. worth trying counselling or cbt? I did counselling some years ago and it was very helpful in making me change to having positive thought processes. Have problems with family as well, but learnt to accept that they make their choices and I have to make mine and not get hung up on theirs ifswim. Hope this helps.

[ImflightbutIcantlogintoday]

Just glad someone heard, iyswim. Thankyou so much. I went to bed thinking nobody was there.
I'm sorry you're having similar problems. It sounds very familiar. I've got an OT I see every month while I'm waiting for some more therapy - I had psychotherapy for a couple of years, during which I didn't get better - I got worse in fact - but afterwards I found a way to get better on my own. I'm trying to flip back into that mindset but somehow at the moment it all feels like too much.

You sound like you are dealing with your family quite well, I think that's what tipped the scales this time (bad pun, sorry!) as there isn't anyone else, just mum, and I feel I can't tell her things as she turns it round into how bad a parent I am.
Well done for putting on some weight
I get panic attacks - I'd been seriously thinking about moving away from her, and had a bad one the other day because of it and thought I was going to be sick, so she had to take Ds1 to her house for the night. It was the first time I've spent a night without him and it felt like she had me exactly where she wanted me. She has this things about him preferring her

It just feels like a nightmare.
Trying to have a cup of tea now, but can't face anything to eat.
Thanks for replying. Sorry to go on.

[whateverhappened]

No probs re going on - nice to chat. your mum sounds familiar - I love mine, but she is v critical for no particular reason. Actually, it's all fairly dysfunctional, but that's another very very long story! It used to get me down, but now I really just don't care any more. I just put up with som much of it for so long that it stopped having any effect on me. It helps I live in a different country to them, so only talk on the phone every month or so, and then see them about twice a year. I think living close to them would just stir it up all the time and I would find it much harder. My husband's family live away as well, so we just bumble along by ourselves. Sometimes I think it would be nice having family near, especially when we're sick, but actually for us it wouldn't work very well .

Might it be worth you trying antidepressants? I'm on some now, and it has helped settle me down a bit. It could help your panic attacks as well. Maybe if you could get your head and stomach all settled down then you could decide whether or not you should move away from her - I think it's hard to make big decisions when you're feeling rotten anyway, and you may find that you manage her better if you feel a bit better and so might not need to move. Equally, you might decide you need to move but will know it's not a decision you made because you felt a bit rough.

Hope you managed your cup of tea ok and that today has been a better day!

[flight]

Thankyou so much. I've been trying to post here since yesterday but it won't let me.
test post!

[flight]

Thankyou so much. I've been trying to post here since yesterday but it won't let me.
test post!

[Mhamai]

Flight, I'm here, will not be able to stay uo too muh longer, been uo all night literally. I've had the weight loss thing but was many moons ago. I was 21 and it was mainly pnd. I don't claim to know even half enough about the ideal weight mental wellbeing ratio, shite that's probably come out arseways but I think i know where your coming from.

Do you have any idea what your ideal healthy/weight/ Bmi etc not heat mag weight should or what is the normal healthy index range for you?

Hazarding if you have been depressed, you are more inclined to have more exaggerated issues around body image, no shit sherlock says you. Oh balls I'm probably not helping at all. I should probably go to me leaba.

Will look out for you. your not alone. that's the maing thing.

[flight]

You've been so kind, feel a bit like crying but I'm going to have some cake and try not to!
Thanks for all the thoughts, yes I think AD's might actually be great to get me to a point where things don't seem so critical..

Sometimes wish my mum was in a different country. Yours sounds a lot like mine. Perhaps controlling mums always engender eating disorders and suchlike, who knows...well, my sister is coming on Saturday which means some straight talking (she emigrated because she couldn't stand being near mum I think!) so she always tells me what to do, or rather what I'm doing wrong. I haven't seen her for a year or so so I miss her.

I hope you manage to keep on top of things too. Your GP sounds understanding.

It's been really nice talking with you, funny how you can be on MN for quite some time and not meet some of the loveliest people here
You don't know how much your listening and talking to me has meant, honestly more than you could imagine.

Thankyou x

[flight]

You've been so kind, feel a bit like crying but I'm going to have some cake and try not to!
Thanks for all the thoughts, yes I think AD's might actually be great to get me to a point where things don't seem so critical..

Sometimes wish my mum was in a different country. Yours sounds a lot like mine. Perhaps controlling mums always engender eating disorders and suchlike, who knows...well, my sister is coming on Saturday which means some straight talking (she emigrated because she couldn't stand being near mum I think!) so she always tells me what to do, or rather what I'm doing wrong. I haven't seen her for a year or so so I miss her.

I hope you manage to keep on top of things too. Your GP sounds understanding.

It's been really nice talking with you, funny how you can be on MN for quite some time and not meet some of the loveliest people here
You don't know how much your listening and talking to me has meant, honestly more than you could imagine.

Thankyou x

[flight]

Bollox it refused to post about 50 times and then I took out a paragraph and it did it twice!

Mhamai, you're a star, yes the not being alone is absolutely crucial and I kind of feel safe now I know I have people here who get what I'm on about

Bless you both and have a good day x

[flight]

Mhamai what caused you to be up all night, hope you are Ok.

[Mhamai]

Flight. trust me I'm fine, though I really ought to get shut eye but will keep an eye out for you pet. Sorry it's been a flying visit but will catch up with you properly soon. ((((Flight)))))

[flight]

Thankyou dear now get some rest xxx

[Mhamai]

Yes miss night n erm good morning, talk soon. x

[whateverhappened]

hope you had a good night - really nice talking to you too! Helps knowing other people are in the same boat too!

Hope your sis doesn't boss you around too much either!

My gp is lovely - if you've got a nice one in your practice then it can be really helpful. Do go and talk to one and see about giving antidepressants a go. Kids being very noisy and ds scribbling on cupboards - eek! gotta fly but will be back at silly hours of the morning.

HOpe your cake was nice - and catch you later!

[ImflightbutIcantlogintoday]

Hi
Thanks, hope you are Ok too. Not much sleep last night, I remember feeling hungry but too sleepy to get up and eat so just tossed and turned and fed baby about a million times.
Have been too tired for words today. Sister came round briefly (is staying at parents) and wound ds up as usual but they are both sleeping now. I am going to join them. Had enough of today

Hope you got/get some rest Mhamai and Whatever, speak soon xx

[Mhamai]

I did flight thanks. Hope you do too. Talk to you soon. x

[CarGirl]

Hi flight, be strong, you do need to break away from your Mum a bit. Just focus on eating some calorific food each day and taking everything one step at a time.

Of course ds will love being with granny who indulges him etc but you are his mum and he absolutely adores you - don't let your mum get you believing otherwise.

[ImflightbutIcantlogintoday]

Thanks Cargirl

I am sitting here in a bit of a state. I woke up and realised I had no motivation at all, not to eat, or feed the children (though it's been done, roughly) and the baby's nappy is still wet, he's been asleep on and off but I last changed it this afternoon. It's like I've almost lost the use of my hands, I can't seem to find the strength or will to do anything.
I was really scared feeling that so I came downstairs and rang the samaritans - got an old lady who sounded very nervous and told me to see a doctor asap.

I think it might have been something to do with being hungry so have tried to have something to eat/drink, no appetite though.

This is not right. I don't know what's happening to me, can't remember feeling like this before, it is like I am numb. I feel like I might be losing the plot.

I suppose I am afraid that I will just stop functioning. I can't work out if this is a massive panic attack, or actually likely to happen. Maybe I am just over tired?

[whateverhappened]

hi flight - back again - had friends over tonight, which was really nice. hadn't been sociable for ages, so was a big thing for me.

sounds like you might actually have depression/anxiety/both - especially if you're trying to eat but just can't. don't worry about losing the plot - just try to see a doctor. www.moodgym.anu.edu.au/ has depression/anxiety quizzes so that you can see if that's what's happening to you - it is what's going on with me, and what you are saying is very like me, so do try and see a doctor to get some help. Think you might be my cosmic twin!

I think being aware of worrying that you might stop functioning means that you will probably keep on functioning - it's good to be aware. You probably are over tired as well with all that is going on. Just take care of yourself and make an appoitnment with your favourite doctor on monday. have a good night!!

[ImflightbutIcantlogintoday]

Hi there
Glad you have had a good evening, it must be nice to get back into the social whirl!

I will go and look at that site now, it might keep me from losing it

Thanks
MN is a different place at night isn't it!

Sleep well x

[whateverhappened]

funny old place - nice to know other people are awake too though. Just hang on until monday and then talk to your doctor - it will get better. tbh, think you sound more depressed than anorexic as such, cos you aren't talking about body image so much as not being able to eat, which is kind of a different thing, and a very common side effect of depression, so don't be too hard on yourself and hold on to the light at the end of the tunnel. have a good night (I like peppermint tea if I can't sleep - have had many a cup at stupid hours of hte morning).

[ImflightbutIcantlogintoday]

Yes it is funny. Different crowd and everything!


I do feel better...have discovered that despite everything being in a state of collapse mentally, physically etc etc. I am still able to visit MN. It means a lot believe me

[ImflightbutIcantlogintoday]

Oh I will ring my OT on Monday. Yes.
She is probably the best person. GP will only refer me to her anyway.

Thanks Whats, night night x

[Mhamai]

Night flight. x