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Mental health

Not depressed, just low. Why is everything so hard?

8 replies

greeneyedgirl · 11/03/2008 16:43

Sorry to those who have real problems, this will probably sound very self indulgent. Split with my husband in 2006 and since then have been living with my parents, and although they are very nice, it's a nightmare. I got fired from a part time job last summer and have since not been able to find another part time job (don't want to work FT cos of dd, 3), have just heard today that I have failed to get yet another job and it has hit me hard.

I just feel a total failure, I can't even support my own child and I desperately want to move out, but have no idea how I'll ever do it. I think I am fairly intelligent, but never went to uni, so the jobs I can get are pretty rubbish. I suffer badly from anxiety and ibs and this just drags me even lower. I have a new boyfriend who is lovely, intelligent, is very successful etc etc and even though he is fantastic to me I just think that I am nowhere near good enough for him and I feel that I should end the relationship to give him a chance to find someone better for him than me.

At home, my Mum and I rub each other up the wrong way and I am constantly nagged about housework, that I haven't done this or that and that I am difficult to live with as I am moody. I guess she is right in all she says, but it just makes me feel even worse about myself (also my sibling and Dad are depressed, so feel awful for adding to my Mum's stress). I am having counselling to help with my anxiety and self esteem issues, but still feel shit. Sometimes I feel like it would be best for my family and my dd if I just disappeared....but hey, guess what, I'd feel too guilty! I wish I could just go to sleep and never wake up.

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dizzydixies · 11/03/2008 16:47

sweetie, I think maybe you are a little depressed and just don't want to realise it as its something else to add to the 'list'

you are not a failure, you have had a hard time of late and its no wonder you're feeling low

that job obviously wasn't meant for you so putit behind you and carry on looking, is there maybe something you could study part time? you say you're intelligent and never went to uni, do you feel you missed out? its never to late - do you have a local college, there are lots of funding opportunities too

you're doing your best by your dd and thats the main thing - no shame in having a down spell as long as your understand that its ok to have it

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dizzydixies · 11/03/2008 16:49

any why on earth would you end a relationship with a lovely bloke that obviously sees your worth more than you do, let him be a support to you - thats what partners are for
if he didn't want to be with you he wouldn't and please don't put extra presssure on yourself thinking you're not good enough for him, he has his opinions of you, believes that you are worth being with so take strength from that

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sulkysuzie · 11/03/2008 20:56

I'm sorry to hear that things arent going well for you at the moment. You do sound depressed to me. Dont ever feel that your dd would be better off without you as the best person for her is you.

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havalina · 11/03/2008 21:06

I think your problems sound very real, so no need to apologise. I don't think you should end your relationship, you are worthy of love and shouldn't feel that you are holding him back, if he is with you he obviously loves you.

Is there any way you and your Mum could sit down and work out a rota etc, i.e what she expects you to do, and if this is reasonable to you? Might be easier if there is a clear division of labour between all adults in the household, even though your sibling and Df are depressed, which must be hard work for everyone (speaking as one who suffers myself)

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greeneyedgirl · 12/03/2008 07:59

Thanks so much for your kind words, sorry I couldn't get back online yesterday....manic afternoon. I don't want to split with my boyfriend, but I feel like I will drag him down, I can't bring myself to tell him how down I feel, have only been together for a few months. My ibs is really playing up and one of the probs I have is that every time we are due to go out I get an upset stomach/panicky feelings. It is not him, it is my anxiety, obviously this means I can't always enjoy time with him, and I feel bad that I am not more fun to be with!

I am having to think seriously about what I can do for work, my savings are rapidly running out and this scares me too. I just want to feel good again, I want my indepdence back and I want to be a good Mum. I am in my 30s and feel like a helpless child!

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superflybaby · 12/03/2008 15:33

I recognise your tone. You put others before yourself, you don't believe you are worthy of good things. You need to recognise you are a VERY important person. In your own right, to your DD & to your family. You need to speak up and get the support of others around you, your boyfriend could be invaluable if you just speak to him. As for not going to Uni & having crap job prospects, I know where you are coming from. Same boat & I was unemployed & job hunting for some time last year, it is soul destroying! add to that feelings of anxiety & it's an unpleasant situation. I really really do feel for you. Keep your head high, ignore patrionising recruitment consultants and continue the search for the right job for you. There is one out there with your name on it I'm sure of it. Once you have that security things will look up. Take care.

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greeneyedgirl · 13/03/2008 09:17

Thanks SFB, your post really hit home. I feel a little better today, I find that if I don't think about everything I have to get sorted, things seem a little easier, not so overwhelming. I know I am better off than alot of people, wonderful dd, loving family etc, it's just that I am having to start my life over again in my 30s, no money, no job, no flat/house I can call my own. Spoke a little bit about my fears to my DP last night on the phone, and he was very supportive, however I also realised that I feel very deeply for him and it scares me stupid. I think I might be in love with him and I am terrified..my instinct is to run for my life, but also want to be with him.

I just want to be normal again and enjoy my life instead of worry it away!

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superflybaby · 13/03/2008 12:51

It does sound like a difficult time, lots of changes & uncertainty.
You are not going to get a signed & sealed guarantee that this new relationship is going to work, although there sounds no reason why it shouldn't - you are an intelligent & savvy girl. You should be open with him and use his support, but you should avoid becoming too dependant on him. Allow him to help you but let him know you just want his awareness & encouragement at this stage to enable you to do as much for yourself as possible.

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