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Mental health

Scared of hurting my 7 month old :(

11 replies

dotingnewmum · 11/03/2008 14:41

My dd is 7 months old and until recently Ive enjoyed being a mum. The problem is now, even though she is more fun to play with etc I get so bored. I just cant be bothered anymore and feel there is always something better to do. Lately I've been feeling so angry and resenting dh when he goes to work and cant wait til he comes home. She has been a good baby and sleeping thru the night from early on but now all she seems to do is moan. She cries when i dont play with her or when i leave the room, i just cant get anything done. The past few nights she has been up half the night wanting me just to sit and cuddle her to sleep only to wake up 1/2 hr later to do the same again. I cant help myself flying off the handle at both dh and dd and just wanting some peace and quiet. I know i could never hurt her physically but feel so guilty about shouting at her when its not her fault. Today I threw her trousers at her change mat with her lying beside it all in a rage because she wouldnt stop crying, I've never been a violent person before but am really scared of flying into another rage and doing something really bad.

Help! This cant be normal. Do i have PND?

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nickytwotimes · 11/03/2008 14:47

You sound like yo uare really struggling. Have yo ugo tfriends or family around for support and company? Makes a world of difference. Also, speak to your hv / gp. They will not take your baby away, so don't be put off! Is there anyone who could take lo for a while to give you some rest? If not, would you consider nursery a morning a week or something? I hope yo ucan get some help. Also speak to dh about it if you haven't. Being a Mum is tough and lonely at times. We all need help.

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allegrageller · 11/03/2008 14:51

hi newmum
You are normal and not going mad. I have been there, along with many others.

It sounds as if there have been changes recently in both you and dd but you don't say what they are exactly. I remember with ds1 I had this idea that at some point things would 'get easier', I would 'get my life back', but it never seemed to come. Eventually I accepted my life would never 'come back', I had a different one and things got better (with some extra help from antidepressants!!)

What are your desires and options? Do you want to go (back) to work, have a life outside the house, or do you just need dh to give you more time to youself?

If this isn't normal behaviour for dd, it could be many things... teething, colds... my ds2 (11mo) has just spent about a month (felt like more) moaning and whinging like this after being a very quiet baby previously. He has cut 4 teeth at once and had 2 colds one after another. He also seems frustrated at not being able to move around and have things he wants, etc.

Unfortunately both mothers and babies are vulnerable and both need help. You need support from dh and any other family you can call upon. Also, I would suggest seeing a doctor as you may well be clinically depressed. ADs did help me.

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Haylstones · 11/03/2008 14:53

Sympathies- you must talk to someone. can you talk to your dh? Does he know how you feel? Or can you talk to friends or family?
Your health visitor and/or GP are trained to hekp with issues like this and won't judge or criticise you so that's another option.
Please don't hink that anything you feel or do isn't 'normal.'Everybody needs more support at certain times of their lives.

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WigWamBam · 11/03/2008 14:53

You need to speak to your HV or your GP, and you need to do it today. There is help out there, but you have to ask for it.

A seven month old is neither "good" nor "bad" - she is just a baby, and babies are hard work. You need support, which your HV can offer you, and you may need medication if you have depression.

Cry-sis can offer you help at the end of a telephone line at any time, and you may find that Sure Start have a group in your area who could provide you with practical support.

But firstly you need to get help from the HV or the GP. Please call them now.

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Washersaurus · 11/03/2008 14:54

Hi DNM. Sorry to hear you are feeling like this. I too have a 7mo who is very demanding of my attention, and has never slept through the night unfortunately. The sleep deprivation is causing a lot of problems for myself, DH and also for DS1(2.7).

Maybe your DD is cutting teeth at the moment, it might be worth trying Medised at bedtime to help her sleep.

I think as they become a bit more mobile and start on solids, it is easy to forget that they are still only very small babies and are very reliant on their mummy.

You are only human, it is natural to feel frustrated sometimes. I don't have any experience of PND, but I wanted to reassure that you are not the only one having a tough time with a LO of this age.

Nicky is right though, you should make an effort to talk to someone about how you are feeling (friend/gp/relative) - it is OK to ask for help.

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dotingnewmum · 11/03/2008 15:14

hi everyone, thanks for the advice. Ive never been one who relies on others for support and always been quite a strong person, I guess thats why im finding it so difficult. My own family live about 50miles away so i only have dh's small family who all seem to work or have better things to do. I dont feel i could talk to them and its hard to just phone my mum up and blurt my problems out, we're not that close and she prob thinks i cope great.

Dh knows im feeling stressed out but whenever i try to talk to him about it he dismisses it and tells me im just pessimistic and that "she is just a baby", as if its easy just to say "dont let it get to you". He just doesnt understand.

I go to mums and tots twice a week and i enjoy it, it just doesnt seem enough. Im due back at work next month and was looking forward to it, but reality has hit and money is gonna be so much tighter, even working part time, i guess this is getting to me too. Dh just says "we'll manage".

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allegrageller · 11/03/2008 15:19

my dh had a similar approach. Maddening. I nearly left him in fact! I couldn't take much more after 7 months, ds1 just didn't get easier! If anything he was harder as a 7 mo than a newborn!!

I fled back to work full time. This may not be an option for you but could be worth considering. Have to say though, the only thing that helped my depression was chemicals and time.

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3missys · 11/03/2008 15:21

I can understand how you must feel. I felt similar after DD2 was born - there is a 16 month age gap between my 2 so I felt like I didn't get any time what so ever - I even had to take DD2 to the toilet with me when I went for a poo! I STILL don't get much time to myself (only when they nap in the afternoon) and at times I feel like I just want 10minutes recharge time but it DOES get easier. Hang in there but if you are worried speak to your HV - they shouldn't look down on you or judge you but admire you for seeking help. Good luck.

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dotingnewmum · 11/03/2008 15:24

yeh i've thought about leaving too, but i know thats not the answer. DD is so much harder now than when she was a newborn especially one with colic! Full time wouldnt be an option as I would hate to put her into nursary full time, i just think its too much for a baby.

Have just called the hv and left a message, maybe a chat with her will help.

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allegrageller · 11/03/2008 15:32

I wouldn't worry too much about ft if you really want to do it. Ds1 is a really delightful little chap now and shows no signs of having suffered at all either from my depression or from ft childcare (although he was with a childminder not a nursery, so perhaps got the benefit of a better 1:1).

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dotingnewmum · 11/03/2008 15:38

It would need to be nursary ft unfortunately. I resent dh family for not helping out with babysitting more, guess im just hating everyone at the moment!

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