feeling down

[princessmama]

I feel very close to tears for a lot of the day at the moment. I have a 4 month old and a 2 year old and I feel as if I have zero energy. 2 year old is watching cbeebies and I feel as if I should be playing with her, but have no motivation to do anything. I feel very lonely and some days go by without seeing anyone. DH gets home about 8pm, so I am doing all the childcare by myself. I feel as if I'm letting my 2 year old down. Yesterday I changed her nappy and forgot to put a new one on, because I was so distracted and just put her trousers back on. I only realised when she wet her bed after a nap. I have never done that before. I don't want to take anti depressants as I am breastfeeding and the dr made me give up breastfeeding to take them after dd1. I have been to toddler groups etc, but I only have superficial conversations and don't have any real friends. Don't know if I'm depressed or not.

[nickytwotimes]

There are antidepressants you can take while bf, btw. I was on an SSRI when bf lo.
You sou8nd very sad and lonely. i'm not surprised you are tired, looking after two little ones. i struggle with one! Are you getting much sleep - tiredness makes you feel down too. The forgetting the nappy - we've all done that! I was in a good mood at the time and still forgot!

[bobsyouruncle]

We've all done stuff like the nappy thing, I forgot to put one on at night once! I'm always forgetting to brush teeth and stuff like that even now dd and ds are 5 and 3!? I'll also admit to cbeebies dependency to keep me sane, especially when ds was a baby and dd a stroppy 2 year old. You do what you need to do to get through the difficult times I think, don't give yourself a hard time for it. Maybe you could try to put aside even half an hour for story time or some other activity with your dd every day to help you feel less guilty? Your health visitor may be able to put you in touch with other mums locally who you could meet up with?

[laundrylover]

To me you do sound depressed but you need to go and see a supportive GP. There are plenty of ADs that you can take whilst bfing princess. I am on Sertraline.

I had a similar experince to you and managed without ADs with DD1 but with DD2 I started ADs about 6 months ago and am still bfing even though she is nearly 2.

Look here for lots of info and print out and take to the GPs with you.

Good luck.

[princessmama]

BYU I don't want to talk to my health visitor as I find her very condescending and talking to her makes me feel worse! I'm glad I'm not alone on the nappy thing. I'm just finding dd1 so demanding at the moment. I read to her every day, but she wants me to read to her for hours and throws tantrums if I refuse or have to do something else. She is also refusing to get in the bath as she banged her head when I was trying to wash her hair on thursday.

LL thanks for the info, I will see if I can pluck up the courage to see my gp.

I just feel in limbo at the moment. I went to a fantastic university and everyone expected great things of me and I've achieved very little. I love my children, but feel very trapped by them. Feel guilty for admitting this.

[geminigirl]

Princess, don't feel guilty about admitting this, a few weeks ago I had a few days where I just felt like crap and felt like I was just a slave for my DS. All everyone wanted to talk about was DS and all the while all I wanted to say was what has happened to ME? Where is the social butterfly that I was, who could cope with anything that life dealt me?? She's sitting unshowered, hair unwashed with baby paraphenalis strewn around the room!

It's a normal part of adjusting to a massive life change, you are probably reassessing your situation, going from one to two children. That's not to make little of your feelings, there's a very real possibility that the PND you has with DD1 has returned.

I suppose it's about taking control and if you can stand your ground with GP and ask for medication which is suitable to use during B/F and let them know that you know it exists.

As for the nappy incident, yesterday I rushed out the back door, alarm on and went to lock the door....DS still in car seat in kitchen!! Haven't told anyone yet.....

[bobsyouruncle]

Princess, your dc are at an age when they are very demanding, and I remember very well feeling like my life was all about THEM when they were that age! I also went to university, and share that feeling of not really using my education or achieving my potential careerwise! But you know what, it's never too late. I'm 38 this year and embarking on an OU degree, and I'm thinking about teaching long term. It's true they're not small forever, and your life won't always revolve around them 24 hours.

[bobsyouruncle]

Any chance of dd going to playgroup some afternoons? She may enjoy it and even just having one for a while can feel like a break!

[princessmama]

I will look into some playgroups. It's a bit tricky as I don't drive and dd is very very clingy. She gets very distressed if she can't see me. She does need to get used to being without me, though, as I'm back at work in September. They're both asleep now, which is lovely.

[bobsyouruncle]

Is she going to a childminder when you go back to work? Maybe she could start a bit earlier to help her settle and give you a break? Do you have family nearby? I sometimes spend an afternoon at my dad's for company and help entertaining my dc. I try and get out every day, even it's just a trip to the shops or library, at least you are seeing and sometimes chatting to people! Going back to work may help with the loneliness too?

[princessmama]

family are a bit useless. My mum keeps saying she'll pop round, but she never does

[swjparker]

Hi
Do you have any friends locally that have children of the similar age that you can visit? Is your husband helpful? I am not sure whether i am feeling the same as you but i have a DD who is 2 and i work full time, i have no friends of my age and certainly no friends with children of DD's age. My husband is so unhelpful he thinks as he works full time that is the end of his responsibilty. Maybe you need to sit your husband down and tell him you need a break when he gets home as looking after children is a fullt ime job too. I really can't offer any advice only that is is ok to plonk children in front of the TV if it benefits the family a- you get time with other child or b- you get an hour time out. Don't beat yourself up too much i'm told it gets better. Oh and to be honest from my experience family are more of a hinderance!