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Mental health

Half term's made me feel so awful

35 replies

Emily3030 · 20/02/2008 22:20

Has anyone else had this feeling? My DD, 6, is having a pretty rubbish half term and I feel so guilty. She has lots of friends at school but none where we live. They have all been busy so we couldn't meet up with any. My DD is so disappointed it's painful. I am single and she has no siblings which is another thing I feel so guilty about. I play with her a lot but there comes a time when I have to stop and do some chores and she just looks so bored and lonely. Reading this back it sounds so trivial but I haven't been able to stop crying all evening about it. It's only the third day of half term I'm dreading the summer holidays. Everyone else seems so happy and busy, I have no money so can't do that much with her. Anyone got any ideas?

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chocolatespiders · 20/02/2008 22:26

no advice really as i struggke with half term, but summer will be easier as weather should be nicer.... i just put there lunch in a box and walk to park to eat it to get out for a bit

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motherinferior · 20/02/2008 22:28

I really do think that half terms are hard work because the children are knackered, and as a result are also filthy-tempered. I bet a lot of your daughter's crossness and disappointment is actually linked to that.

Go to the library! They're free, there are loads of books, and you can just veg around.

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saadia · 20/02/2008 22:31

I'm sorry you're feeling so bad. Does she like getting books from the library, or perhaps a trip to the cinema - tickets are cheaper for afternoon performances I think. I know it often seems as though everyone else is having a fun-packed holiday but it's not always the case. I have two dss and they get pretty bored sometimes. As she is an only child I think you will have to help her find ways of entertaining herself and develop those resources - or get her to help you with whatever you are doing - cooking, cleaning etc.

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luciemule · 20/02/2008 22:32

Hi Emily - even though you feel guilty, I'm sure your DD won't be as disappointed as you think.

There's loads to do together without spending a fortune and loads of stuff in the house you can set her up with while you spend some you time.

Could you do her a treasure hunt and write clues on bits of paper around the house so she can go hunting while you do something?

Or she could choose one toy to spend two days with whereever she goes - she could write a little diary about what she does with the toy. Girls that age love anything like diaries and making up stories etc.
How about getting her to design a menu and then have a cooking session for each meal- pancakes are cheap and fun for her to heklp make. My kids love making pancakes even though they don't really like eating them!

Make sure you give yourself some time though and please don't feel guilty.
My two have each other and the kids next door and even then, all they wanted to do was sit inside for the whole of half term was watch Cbeebies!!!

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beansontoast · 20/02/2008 22:33

oh sweetheart...you sound so sad...it doesnt sound trivial to me because i know i can sometimes feel a bit like that.

maybe you feel lonely and think she must be aswell?...she might not be...you play with her loads and thats great.

and when it comes to other people.... what i have learned is never to compare my insides with other's outsides!

hugs

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imaginaryfriend · 20/02/2008 22:34

Where do you live? Are there any free events on for kids nearby? Can you stretch your budget to make a cinema visit or take walks in the park / visit the library. I'd avoid staying at home if you can, getting out makes all the difference.

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choosyfloosy · 20/02/2008 22:34

it's really hard in holidays. and if you are down nothing seems trivial, especially not stuff about your child. Does she have any cousins at all?

this may or may not be relevant for you but can i suggest that you consider joining a local church (or other place of worship)? you'd be surprised how many people go more for social reasons than religious ones (apologies if you are really religious!) test a few out, or ask around, to try and find one that can suit you. it can really help with finding local friends, and any church worth its salt will have a sunday school or similar, plus other activities.

also your local childcare information service (try yellow pages) should have info on half term activities - there might be something you can afford. HTH - don't feel it helps much but you never know. hope you feel better soon

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imaginaryfriend · 20/02/2008 22:37

I also wanted to add, as the mum of an only child, that I also feel guilty that I can't 'play' with my dd all the time and I feel her disappointment very keenly. BUT I'm sure if you asked your dd she'd be really pleased to have some time at home with you. A lot of kids in large families crave mum-time and you sound like you're giving her plenty. She'll remember the cosy 'ordinary' times with you when she's older.

Also agree with others about getting her involved in what you're doing.

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avenanap · 20/02/2008 22:37

Is there a large park near where you live? I take my ds to one and he's always meeting children and playing. I'm a single mum too, I only have one child, all of his school friends go away over the hoildays so we never see anyone. His dads family don't see him and mine live too far away so it's just us. I take him to museum (free) and to the library. Some cinemas do cheap tickets, I save up during the term and take him bowling in the holidays, it's cheaper during the day. It's normal to feel like this. There's only two of you. I feel guilty too, I'm often too tired to play with him but sometimes he just wants to be with me. Your DD is still young, I bet you if you curl up on the sofa with some chocolate and put a movie on and sit and watch it with her this will make her happy.

have you thought about the brownies? she could make some friends out of school. If you are near Derby she can hang out with my DS, he's really daft though.

It'll get better. You are doing your best, it's all you can do.

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Emily3030 · 20/02/2008 23:04

Oh my goodness, I wasn't expecting so many kind replies, you're all so lovely! Thank you so much, so many great ideas there that I'll definitely give a go. I'm planning the treasure hunt right now. You've really made me look at the situation differently, perhaps it's not as bad as I thought it was. There are things we could be doing and places to go, and I have 4 days left to make a difference! I don't know why (it's not something I've felt before) I've just felt so bloody awful this week, like I've really let her down. She was so excited about half term too the poor little mite. I'm determined to pull my finger out now. Thank you so much for the kick up the backside.

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handlemecarefully · 20/02/2008 23:13

I see you are on a budget but children's theatre isn't always that pricey. We have been to Salisbury Playhouse to see the Town Mouse and the Country Mouse - it was only £5 per person, so a tenner for you and your daughter. Would that be in budget? Do an internet search of your local theatres - you might be surprised. At the Nuffield in Southampton they are offering similar events for £5, so I don't think this is unusual.

The other thing - at the end of the day a bit of boredom won't kill a child. The single most important thing is to feel unconditionally loved and cared for by their parent(s). I am sure you dd feels this

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Emily3030 · 20/02/2008 23:17

As for the church idea I'd never really considered it as I'm not remotely religious. I think I'd feel like a big fat hypocrite standing in Gods grand house! It's not a bad idea though...

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Emily3030 · 20/02/2008 23:21

Thanks Handlemecarefully, that's a great idea. I'm going to do a search and see what's on locally. And you're right, it wont kill her, it just makes me feel like shit to see her feeling lonely, which I know she does sometimes. She's certainly loved alright, she's smothered in it!

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handlemecarefully · 20/02/2008 23:24

She is blessed to have a caring mummy like you

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pinkteddy · 20/02/2008 23:26

What about your local leisure centre they usually do things like organised gym, trampolining or soft play sessions in the holidays for little ones. Give them a ring and check. If nothing on or all booked, you can always take her for a swim!

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snowbird · 20/02/2008 23:32

Have a look at your local cinemas. I took my two to see 'Bee Movie' and it only cost £3 for us all. Also our local swimming pool has free sessions during the school hols, so worth a try there.

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handlemecarefully · 20/02/2008 23:34

That's true - you need to look at UCI cinema's "Kids club" to see what's on. Usually adults are free at Kids club. They tend to feature not the most newly released films but perhaps films that have just been published on dvd

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Emily3030 · 20/02/2008 23:44

Wow that's cheap. I paid over £10 a while back to see that movie. Started off promising but didn't like the ending. Little one seemed to enjoy but I think the court case went over her head a bit!

I live about half an hour away from London in a very expensive area unfortunately, everything seems to cost an arm and a leg. I think we'll go swimming tomorrow. I'll check for other activities while I'm there. I love the theatre idea but can't find anything affordable round here.

Thank you so much for all your suggestions and kind words, it's amazing how much it helps.

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luciemule · 21/02/2008 14:42

Emily - glad you're feeling a bit better about half term now.

To be honest, I get quite bored most week days as I pledged to be a SAHM until both DCs are at school but it does drive me nuts sometimes when DS is at home from preschool. I know I sound ungrateful but I get around the boredom by organising a few little activities to do until DD gets home. Even half a day of doing something lifts your spirits and gets you through until bedtime on tricky days.

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Emily3030 · 21/02/2008 23:39

Thanks Luciemule. I definitely had an odd day yesterday. I don't normally feel guilty or anxious but I seemed to be burdened by it yesterday. It's silly cos when I'm at work I long to be at home with her...and now I've got a week off the pressure seems immense and I don't seem to be meeting it. Although today we went swimming and I feel far better for it. We didn't have time (a good sign!) to do the other activities you suggested but they're such good ideas (what a great mum you sound!)I'm going to make sure we do them before the weeks out.

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dinny · 21/02/2008 23:45

you should meet up with some other mums from here maybe? which side of London are you?

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Emily3030 · 22/02/2008 00:03

I don't post here often enough to feel part of the clan just yet! Although I'm sure I'd love to one day. It's a very fast moving forum isn't it.

I'm south, Oxted area. London's more like 40 mins away but very do-able!

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NumberSix · 22/02/2008 00:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Emily3030 · 22/02/2008 00:40

Thanks Numbersix, it's good to know others feel the same sometimes. Although I wouldn't wish it on anyone, obviously. You're right though and I'm the same, I had a brother while I grew up and we played a lot together, and his role in my early adult life was pravalent. To think that my daughter wont have that, ever, in her life makes me so sad.

We used to enjoy the History and Science museums a lot, we'd do it cheaply by taking a picnic, but we've done them to death now I think she's bored of them!! We'll probably go for a walk tomorrow and do some At Home things.

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dippydeedoo · 22/02/2008 01:24

if i were u id make the most of the suggestions already offered but plan ahead for the summer holidays too-pound shops offer really good craft stuff you could get a few things and put them away,buy extra stuff when shopping we had great fun making a gingerbread house at xmas- a kit was about £15 but i made my own and we iced loads of sweets on it all in all it cost about £4,you could make some dough that you can bake in the oven and she could do that...a few years ago a neighbour was chucking out a huge tv box so we asked could we have and all the children locally ended up in my garden most of the summer playing in that box(i had to drag it in my tiny kitchen at night)....my middle son always feels a bit left out and so me and him go to jumble sales where he likes to buy stuff he can 'mess'with maybe your daughter could get some dressing up stuff?....at the moment we are making a tardis and have just got a new garage so the boys are planning to camp in there in the summer all these things are cheap.
In the past ive done stuff every day and its cost me a bomb and my children ended up tired out so this holiday we decided one trip swimming and a trip to the funfair was more than enough!

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