Is he depressed and if so how can I help?

[worriedaboutmyman]

DD is 17m now but when she was small I thought DP was Depressed, I was not coping brilliantly myself and just thought we were all bringing each other down. I wasn't in a place to deal with his feelings as well as my own.

Things have got better for me and I Love being a Mummy now but DP has lost all Motivation to do anything. He has his ups and downs but in the last few weeks he has got worse as work is bad for him ATM. This morning he actually said - "don't worry I won't do anything silly". I thought he meant like resigning but now I have thought about it I am thinking maybe he was and still is depressed. He says he is just tired but I think it is more than that.

So what can I do? I know I need to talk to him about it but I don't know where to start. Has anyone got experience of this?

[Astrophe]

I don't really know what you should do - I have suspected my DH is depressed for some time. Similar to you, I had PND and I couldn't help DH at that time.

He does seem t be improving, I think partly due to excersizing more, and taking guitar lessons (something he has always wanted to do, and some 'time out' for himself), and confiding in the work chaplain.

Maybe try and encourage him to think of something he would like to change in his life that will help him feel better?

Also encourage him to talk to someone - work chaplain? Councellor? a mate?

FRom my experience of depression, making a few small changes really helped me, as I felt like I had some control, and was able to help myself, which took away the feeling of hopelessness.

I hope something I've said is helpful, and that you find some help soon.

Best wishes.

[worriedaboutmyman]

Thanks astrophe. He is doing a course which I have encouraged him to do but he missed a week because of work and now he feels cheated as it was a core module - just adding to the stress now rather than helping!

I find doing one small thing and getting it finished really helps me feel back in control but I just can't get him to do anything. He has always been a procrastinator (sp?) but this is worse as he does not even start things half the time.

[Astrophe]

Will he talk about it? To you, or someone else?

[worriedaboutmyman]

I think he will talk to me but I don't know how to broach it, I don't want to wade in telling him he is depressed but I do want to help him. We just seem to be biding time and never doing anything together as there is always some excuse.

[Astrophe]

oh I feel so sad for you, because I know just how you feel.

Maybe plan a dinner out together, organise a babysitter so that there is no excuse, then sit and have a really god chat?

Take a 'questioning' approach, rather than a 'telling' approach. Ask him how he feels he is doing, and what he wants to change, and then just listen, and listen and listen.

I've got to go and sort my rowdy kids out, but will check back later if you need a shoulder.