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Mental health

Did I ever get over it?

1 reply

ParanoidPam · 10/12/2007 09:57

I had PND when my son was born 3 yrs ago. It really kicked in when he was around 4 months old (although looking back I think I was depressed before he was even born). Me and my husband nearly split up because of the strain on our relationship, but eventually we went to counselling and got back on track. I returned to work when my son was 10 months old, thinking I would feel more like 'my old self' (previously had a great job, great prospects, loads of fun; I was full of confidence...) but hated it, had no confidence, had a terrible time with my new boss and ended up handing in my notice after only 4 months back. Since then I have been so up and down, and it is starting to wear me down. I've had some great periods and felt fine, but every now and then I feel plunged back into those dark moods and not sure how to deal with it? About this time last year I was prescribed anti-D's, but I absolutely hated the effect they had on me and instinctively felt that drugs weren't right for me. I was referred for counselling, but I didn't find it helpful at all and decided to stop going after only 6 sessions - I just couldn't bear the counsellor's tone with me (that patronising, slightly pitying voice...arghhhh!) and really didn't think it was helping. Maybe I didn't give it long enough? I don't know. Anyway...

To cut a long long story short....I have loads of issues. I have issues with food (binge eating), self destructive/self sabotaging behaviour, sex (have barely had sex with my poor husband in the 3 years since our son was born) and self esteem. Career-wise, I do not know what the hell I am doing. Do I want to stay at home with my son or not? Have never been able to make up my mind. Physically, I feel a wreck. I had a rough preganncy and a c-section, followed by severe mastitis and then various gybnaecological operations afterwards which have left me 3 years on still feeling atrocious about my body. I just feel so anxious, lethargic and shit about myself all the time and have worn everyone in my family and close circle of friends patience thin, I think. I can't go on being depressed. I just can't.

Don't really know what I am asking, here, just needed to get it off my chest.

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mindalina · 10/12/2007 10:01

Just wanted to offer some sympathy really, as I can't give you much useful advice I'm afraid

Although it sounds your counsellor was a bit rubbish, they should be neutral and helpful not patronising or pitying. Is it worth seeing your doctor again and trying to tell him/her basically what you've typed out here? Maybe you could see a different counsellor or at least they could tell you if there's an emergency counselling service in your area - in my town there is a place you can go in the afternoons if you just feel dreadful and need someone to talk to.

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