Help - I think I'm going to explode!

[morgansauntie]

Please can someone give me some objective thoughts/advice on the following situation before I completely loose the plot, at the moment I'm a mixture of being so upset but raging at the same time.

This may take a while to explain so please stay with me if you can! I have lived with clinical depression, self-harm, low self-confidence etc and anxiety for the past 10 years, until 2 years ago I wasn't really making any progress even with fantastic help and support then I attended 2 courses which were 12 weeks in length and were run by a small national charity local to where I live. The skills I learn't were so amazing and for the first time in ages I'm making or was making real progress. In May this year I started working for them on a regular basis as a volunteer twice a week which was a huge leap for me as I have a social phobia, these past 7 months have been life changing.

Sadly the charity is having to close due to lack of government funding, they finish next week. Firstly this was heart breaking for all of us but the real issue I have is that the other 8 members of staff are going out for a meal today but I haven't been asked even though they arranged/discussed it in front of me which I thought was rather insensitive, obviously I was only a member of the team when it suited them.

I have given my all to help them but today I feel very upset, angry, hurt and rather stupid, there are so many emotions racing around inside of me at the moment.

Please can somebody offer me an objective point of view, am I over reacting and being silly, had to come on here because I've been ranting on the 'tv boards'.

I would really appreciate any help and advice, thank you.

I don't think I can say anything to them because whats the point as they are all leaving and the meals today.

[ABudafulSightWereHappyTonight]

Are there other volunteers involved?

If you are the only volunteer and they are paid staff maybe that is the reason?

[morgansauntie]

Some people are paid but also give some of their time on a voluntary basis as well.

Perhaps I'm just to sensitve and I've been out of a work environment for a long time (10 years) so I guess I've forgotten how people can behave.

[santaslittlepeatbogelf]

It does sound odd to me that they just haven't invited you, especially considering the kind of work that you/they do! I would be hurt and angry too.

[Tovik]

sounds odd to me too
have they all known each other a lot longer than you?

[Tovik]

however whatever
the meal's happened and never mind just sod it look ahead

It's brilliant that you've been doing so much better and I really hope you find another voluntary or paid workplace. I know it does wonders for my self-esteem to do a good day's work and it must be the same for everyone. I'm sure you will be needed somewhere and voluntary groups are crying out for help. Please don't allow this to damage your confidence so much that it affects your hunt for new work or voluntary activity.

[yummers]

i think the important thing you have to remember is that no matter what their reasons/motivations for not inviting you, it doesn't undo all the hard work and progress you've made. Give yourself a huge pat on the back for coming so far, and try and take all the self esteem you've built up recently and hug it close to you, so as not to let it slip away. You can go on to do many more amazing things with all the experience you've gained there. I'm saying this because i know from experience how easy it is when you've suffered from depression to let one incident, or one comment start to drag you back down. Move your focus away from the job that's now ended and concentrate on exploring the many things you're capable of acheiving from this point on.

[Tovik]

agree with yummers 100 pc
keep your eyes on the prize.. don't be distracted by it
good luck and best wishes

[morgansauntie]

Hi All

I know the whole thing is rather strange but its happened and tomorrow its time to move on,it just upset me because they knew I had a really terrible time in my last job, was repeatedly bullied for 3 years and how much of an achievement working for them has been for me - I do run a small support group (only 4 of us) which is independent from the charity and were carrying on for the moment.

Thank you very much for all your kind words and best wishes,actually yummers your post has made me feel emotional and tearful but in a nice way. One of my biggest achievements is that I can now recognise how far I have come and how much I have achieved, previously people could tell me but I never believed them. Also I no longer use self-harm as an outlet for my emotions and haven't done so for the past 3 years.

I can not work due to mental and physical illness and I'm classed as disabled - this voluntary work was ideal as they were more than happy to accommodate me but I know there's something else I can do. I'm studying with the O.U at the moment only started out last year but hopefully I'll have a degree in psychology in a few years time. I'm told - no I know I have a very good and natural rapport with children so think I will look for something in that area after christmas, could try my niece's school.

Had to have an operation last week to remove my big left toenail which has had an impact on my mood, today everything felt like it was getting on top of me. I love mumsnet and all the mumsnetters because there is always someone who cares enough to offer help, support, advice and kind words - thank you all it has made my day. So glad I can now reach for the keyboard and not the razor blades.

(now I'm going to have my first bath in a week!)