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Mental health

What is wrong with me? sorry it could be long! :(

32 replies

downdowndown · 03/12/2007 22:43

Not sure if this in the correct post, so if its wrong then I am sorry.

  1. I am very paranoid (thinking most of the time I am in the wrong, I am going to get the sack from work, have a few medical probs at the moment and I am so worried that they do not believe me! etc


  1. Dislike being a mum, normally love that job, but at the moment hate it, find all work towards DC a chore - big time, and if DH doesn't do something as simple as hear DC read over weekend, then its not him I have a go at but DC! Oh and I seem to be ranting and raving at them for just being DC, and they are walking(creeping around on tiptoes)


  1. Seem to be in tears very often, especially over simple things.


  1. Really cross/frustrated with DH after tea last night - we (me and him) had pizza for tea, I asked if we had any garlic bread, he said no, so I accepted that. Tonight as I was looking through our 2nd fridge(its a bit of an over spill fridge) found garlic bread! DH then admitted we did have GB but it was for the DC on Thursday! So what is the difference between me and DC - I am so jealous of DC


  1. Feel very tearful on way to work, think someone only has to say BOO in the wrong place and I will be in floods of tears. Once there seem to be ok, its just getting there.


  1. Crying myself to sleep.


  1. Not sure who to talk too.


I have had depression before, approx 8 yrs ago, and I have to say this does not follow the same pattern. Before I didn't have the energy to wash, dress, think, look after DC, cook, choose clothes to wear etc. In fact in the end I was hospitalized for a good few months. This time it seems different, I am still functioning, I am able to function on a day to day basis, I am still able to get up in the morning and put on clean clothes, wash my hair, etc

So I don't think this is depression, but I am not sure what it is!

Does anyone else ever feel like this? If so what do you do to get over it? Who do you talk to?
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notjustmom · 03/12/2007 22:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ScruffyTeddy · 03/12/2007 23:02

Could it be anxiety maybe? I have suffered from this and at my lowest points have been very paranoid, think everyone is out to get me, everyone hates me, my children hate me.

Ive been depressed in the past and it didn't feel the same. I ignored it for so long that it ended up where I couldn't function and couldn't think straight. I felt quite detatched from everything and didn't care what anyone thought anymore. I think you need to see your gp soon before it gets any worse?

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gigglewitchyouamerryxmas · 03/12/2007 23:02

you sound really down. Are you in "stop the world i wanna get off" mode?
I am still trying to get through PND, even though DD had her 2nd birthday yesterday...
a lot of what you are describing sounds like some sort of depression, and yes it can take different forms at different points in your life, mine has.
It also sounds to me that a trip to the doctors is what you need, get yourself some time of work (do both) and try to get a real rest. yes i know it is not the ideal time of year for that but hey.
keep posting, really want to try and help you out {{hugs}} cos you feel so crap. A lot of others around here know plenty about depression too, i'm sure they will wander in soon

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downdowndown · 03/12/2007 23:07

Crikey, I am in tears just reading this!

Don't feel I can go to the Drs as there is actually nothing wrong with me, I am still functioning, not hurting anyone, feeding everyone etc. Just in tears a lot.

Cant get time off work as I work in sch, also had a couple of mths off earlier this yr with a medical problem that has really got to me.On the outside everyone thinks I am coping, inside I am slowly wilting.

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downdowndown · 03/12/2007 23:10

DH came home from work tonight and wondered what I had done th DC, as they were all in their rooms - he thought they were too scared to be down stairs! yes I had moaned at eldest, maybe others had picked up on it, poor DC!

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ScruffyTeddy · 03/12/2007 23:15

downdowndown, thats exactly how I felt...Couldn't get help because I "wasnt ill enough". I felt like a fraud. I left it too long until I was ill enough. I had to take time off from work anyway..please dont let it get to that stage

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gigglewitchyouamerryxmas · 03/12/2007 23:22

ohh, this does sound like depression. To be very very blunt you are definitely in need of some TLC, please start by talking to someone. yes i know it is hard, and i did not practice what i preach and denied being depressed for exactly a year. Then went bang. in bits. please, for me, learn from what i've done and catch things before you hit the bottom of that slippery slope. Is there someone at work you can explain the situation to? if you need to then be vague about a 'cause' of the problem. And it is really really hard to make your brain work when you are not 100% physically, the two sort of get tied up together and drag you down in some crazy spiral. Am i anywhere near the truth here?
If i am nosey tell me to bog off please. i don't want to suggest things that make you feel bad rather than better.

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downdowndown · 03/12/2007 23:24

Tears have stopped again! off to bed, although I find it hard to go to sleep, I find it even harder to wake up! Typical!

Will have a long hard think about seeing GP, trouble is I am so paranoid that he will be thinking what an arse I am and tell me to get on with it. Stupid thing is he has never said this to me before, so why now! Get a grip woman! (GRR)

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ScruffyTeddy · 03/12/2007 23:26

I too really worried about losing my job but in the end decided (in a moment of fuzzy headed wierdness) that my health was more important and what would be would be. Your posts seem much like the ones I posted just before I finally got help.

I thought I was ok, but now if I read them back I realise just how awful I was feeling. Some really out of character posts for months.

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downdowndown · 03/12/2007 23:28

I wont tell you to bog off, I am too polite! Tears are here again!

There is no one I can talk to at work, honest!

Will seriously consider phoning GP tomorrow, I know things cant carry on like this! Its such a slippery slope.

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ScruffyTeddy · 03/12/2007 23:28

He wont think you're an arse. That's all part of it, thinking that people wont believe you.

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downdowndown · 03/12/2007 23:29

Also I have 3 gorgeous DC who have been to hell and back 8 yrs ago, they do not need this kind of Mother to go through this again!

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gigglewitchyouamerryxmas · 03/12/2007 23:30

DDD please come back tomorrow and let us know how you are getting on, think scruffy and me have both got similar experiences to you, and don't want you to be in this alone!
wishing you a night of boring sleep, with no early wake-up's.
take care

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downdowndown · 03/12/2007 23:32

Thank you so much, I am a regular poster here but have changed my name for this, as I do not want to identified!

Once again thanks

I really am not having a good time, just wish the tears would stop, they make me feel so useless and pathetic.

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downdowndown · 03/12/2007 23:33

Good night and thanks!

Much appreciated at your kind words. Honest

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IdrisYouaMerryChristmas · 03/12/2007 23:34

From my own experience of it, you sound like you could well have depression. I know it's easier for me to say - but your GP won't tell you to pull yourself together - they will try and help you.

I had the sort of depression where I couldn't get out of bed etc seven years ago. Have had recurrances of it two years ago and now. They have shown themselves in different ways - I seem to have irratbility more and am able to "get on with things" better although when I actually let my defences down I crumble a bit.

I am off work again at the moment and do feel like a fraud somtimes, but at work I would not be getting any better.

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IdrisYouaMerryChristmas · 03/12/2007 23:34

Hope you sleep all right - you are not pathetic at all.

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ScruffyTeddy · 03/12/2007 23:38

You're not useless or pathetic, nor are you a bad mother. You've posted here looking for help which is obviously a good thing! (Im not exactly a newbie either if the truth be told ).

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gigglewitchyouamerryxmas · 04/12/2007 16:11

how are you doing today ddd? get any sleep?

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jangly · 04/12/2007 16:27

Ddd, I don't know your age but this does sound familiar! Could it be this

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downdowndown · 04/12/2007 22:37

hi

I managed about 4 hrs! So tired that I couldn't keep my eyes open this afternoon and so needed 40 winks - trouble is that will mess up tonight!

Tried to get an appointment with my GP this morning but by the time I got through all the same day apps had gone! Typical!! Although they did offer me an appointment for early tomorrow morning !

I dont think I could be menopausal I am still in my thirties and there is no history of early menopause in my family - but then theres a first time for everything.

Think what I find had to understand is that on the outside I keep things together (well most of the time). When I had depression before I didn't really realise what was wrong with me, plus I couldn't function, look after DC let alone myself etc. So I am still not sure what this could be.

Have also had thoughts that I would like to leave DH, but I wont because I am scared of DC being ill in the night and not being able to cope, also I would have to leave my home and although its not Buckingham Palace I love it. I also know that these things are not the right reason for staying married, but I am scared that if I say anything to DH, I may regret it

Sorry to ramble on.

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gigglewitchyouamerryxmas · 04/12/2007 22:45

carry on, you are not rambling.
are there probs with DH that are causing you worry?

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downdowndown · 04/12/2007 22:52

DH is DH! He is a very strong character, I suppose he can be very intimidating, but would never physically hurt me or DC. He can very easily get into a mood and will stay in it for days. If he doesn't get his own way on certain things then he sulks. He can be a very negative person, and I find he is constantly criticising our eldest DC, so I often have to act as a negotiator between them.

We have been married for over 16 yrs so know each other well.

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gigglewitchyouamerryxmas · 04/12/2007 22:58

so you might be feeling trapped? it's a wierd one - the dh thing. mine has moody sessions that go on for days, y'know it may be a man thing? does yours do "talking" / listening or is he too macho for that?
good on ya for getting that appointment, do you think you can tell the Dr what is going on with you?
sorry - toooooo many questions

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downdowndown · 04/12/2007 22:59

Have to think really hard about what I am going to say to GP.

Because at the moment everything I think of sounds pretty feeble and pathetic - tearful, lonely, moany, paranoid, anxious,worrying over little things the list is endless.

I am sure people go through these things in everyday life without the need to bother the GP. Plus there are a lot of people who have an awful lot on their plate and they cope just fine - so why can't I!

Do you take any ADs? Is so what?
Hate the thought of taking ADs as when I was on then last time in took literally months to get off them

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