Is my wife depressed?

[Benthos]

Hi guys - first post here. My wife is breastfeeding our 6 month old dd and has had a tough time of it since birth, which was originally a home birth which when wrong after 6+ hrs of 2nd stage labour when the midwives called for an Ambulance and dd was born after forceps and a lot of panic (from me at least). My wife collapsed with exhaustion by day 3 and told a hospital psychologist that she had (a long time ago) taken ADs. We were then inundated with doubtless well-meaning HVs and MWs who were pretty relentless and condescending, obviously worried about puerperal (sp?) psychosis but they actually made things worse because my wife, although feeling better, began to get paranoid that therer might be something wrong with her, and that they might take our baby away. Recently she's beginning to say that she can't cope any more, she's having constant panic attacks (curiously only when other mums are about!), can't sleep even when I can give her a break and is generally beyond the end of her tether. We're both concerned about speaking to the GP or the HV (last one was rubbish and we haven't seen one for 4 months now) as we're in a small town and worried that we'll get the same over-reaction as last time and everyone we know will also find out thus increasing the feeling of paranoia and uselessness. Her dreadful birth experience was actually relayed by one of our midwives to all my wife's NCT contacts (which we have a complaint lodged about). Sorry to go on but I'm very worried for my wife (although she has NEVER talked/thought about harming either herself or DD) and I want to do what's best. Should I go to a different (private GP) with no links to our community? Are there other options? Thanks for any advice, guys

[Columbia]

Poor thing, I am so sorry she is (you are both) going through this. It sounds shockinglymismanaged and PND is usually treated as very normal...I am sure we can help you out even just by listening. She may be depressed but it is so common, lots of us have had PND and survived so please don't panic.
Big hugs to you both, chin up, it will be Ok and I'm sure she isn't putting the baby at risk.

More of us will be along in a minute!

[Columbia]

Tis quiet this time of the morning...do not fear. Will bump this for you. People will be about soon

[Benthos]

Thanks, Columbia. If we went to the GP would they 'just' put her on ADs or is their any counselling offered?

[talktothebees]

could you find a private counsellor. Mind would probably be able to point you in the right direction. I haven't had PND but have had depression previously in my life and wouldn't trust the GP or HVs should I start to struggle. You are under no obligation to go through the HVs especially if they handled it badly before.

[stickyj]

Keep hanging around, logging on. People on here are really helpful and I think it's great that you feel able to come here and chat. Would your wife come on and talk too? So many people here have been through the same thing and I know you'll get help!

[Benthos]

TTTB: good tip re. MIND, thanks. Glad it's not just me who thinks GPs & HVs aren't necessarily to be trusted!

Sticky: thanks - have to say that it's helped me even bringing it up because I've not really gotr anyone else I can raise this with (her family's rubbish, she doesn't want mine to know, we're new to the area etc). I'll try to get her to come on here.

[Columbia]

I think counselling is generally offered...it is here...AD's are not compulsory, though will be offered possibly quite strongly. I always resisted.
Some people find they help, I am sceptical.

It must be awful not to trust anyone where you are. Your GP ought to be someone you can turn to, and should have more awareness of PND than they seem to have.

Yes, try and get her on here, we are a nice bunch!

[talktothebees]

Your wife has been through a really traumatic birth experience and then her trust was betrayed by the professionals who were supposed to be supporting her. Her anxiety and sadness are normal reactions to trauma and betrayal not a sign of madness.

The birth trauma association might also be a good site to look at and get advice from.

You could go to your GP and ask that they not inform the HVs but I don't know whether you trust your GP to do that or even whether the GP has any choice in the matter. FME the GP is likely to prescribe ADs rather than refer your wife for counselling just because NHS counselling is in such short supply. Could be different in your area though.

And as stickyj says, if your wife feels able to then posting on here would, I'm sure, get her lots of support and the anonymity should help her feel safe.

[ScottishMummy]

Morning Benthos!so nice that you are thinking about your wife and wee one, they both will need youu. so rorry that things have been difficult for you recently.

some points for you to consider

please do see GP and talk, talk, talk and talk a wee bit more - get this all out. i just want to add a balanced note, understandably there is a reluctance to see GP but please do not avoid unnecessarily. This is a treatable illness.Most PNDis treated in community with AD and support eg CPN, outreach, Out patient apts, support groups

PND is a treatable disease, with correcct management and medication. the treatment may include AD's. if you had any other physical condition such as diabetes you would take insulin or beat blockers for cardiac management, so why deny yourself AD for PND. The AD do work in conjunction with other treatment eg talking, support group etc.
as PND is a biopsychosocial disease this in only part of the treatment, other parts are a support groups, increased activity esp physical exercise is good eg go for walk with baby

some links for you
RCP info

MIND
monkey music
tumbletots

[peatbogfaerie]

Benthos, just wanted to add my support -- I had v. similar symptoms, getting particularly upset when there were other mums around - I think because I thought they would be judging me, how good a mother I was, etc. Sounds ridiculous, but as I understand it the chemical imbalance that goes with PND causes all sorts of irrational thoughts.

I was very lucky and my NHS GP was completely fantastic right from the start. I think this is the most important thing: to go to see as many people as it takes until you find someone your wife and you trust.

My GP immediately suggested counselling and also asked whether I might consider going on ADs, which I did. It did feel extremely odd taking prozac - my previous thoughts about ADs was that they were just for self-indulgent neurotics - but it worked very well for me, and not much bother coming off them.

Good luck with talking to someone, and keep posting.

[foxinsocks]

ooh how awful for you all. She has been so betrayed by health professionals, I actually think, in your shoes, I'd be thinking about moving towns if it really is so small where you are! I know that sounds drastic!

I would definitely take her to another GP with no links to your community. If you can, have a word with the new GP yourself first and tell him/her what has happened so far so that he/she understands where your wife is coming from, especially her totally understandable level of mistrust of professionals.

[whispywhisp]

For a start I would DEFINITELY recommend you suggest to your wife she come on this site.

There are absolutely loads of lovely people on here who would, I'm certain, be able to help - especially those who have been through a similar experience themselves. You are never lonely with the MN site and it is amazing how this site makes you feel part of a lovely, kind, and very caring community and its not just Mums on here too - there's Dads and Grandparents who post on here - so definitely a great help.

By the sounds of it your wife is afraid to go to the GP due to the break in confidentiality beforehand (midwife/HV) - if you can go and see someone outside of your community whether NHS or Private then go for it - this time is precious with your baby and the sooner your wife gets some help the better. She needs the reassurance there is nothing wrong with her that a GP can't help her with.

Good luck and well done for coming on here. Keep in touch. There is always someone on here who can help. xxxx

[gokfan]

See your GP as soon has.You might be surprised has to the outcome. I let my pnd get so bad before doing anything about it that prozac was my best option.
My GP was fab,she asked if she could let my HV know,which I didnt want to,and she respected my wishes.Telling family was something which I had to do in my own time,once i'd done it I felt better.

Goog luck and best wishes xxx

[whispywhisp]

Benthos - how are things? How is your wife? x

[expatinscotland]

i've had severe PND twice.

if i had an experience with healthcare 'professionals' like yours i wouldn't hesitate to move.

sorry, but that's just beyond the pale.

in the meantime, if i had the means, i'd go private.

[monkeybutler]

I dont trust HV either. I had very similar PND experiences with both my children, The GP offered me prozac and counselling and CBT. I have no time for myself so any counselling would have to be done with 2 DC in attendence. I have been taking prozac for nearly a year and it has changed my life. Your wife should at least think about it, it really helps your mind work more clearly and you can see your situation better. I have heard it is fairly easy to come off it too and I will only be on it another few months until I feel stable. Good luck - I wish my DH was as proactive as you are. It would be nice to hear from your DW f she fanices it. Check out the health and feeling depressed topics and you wonder if there is anyone who actuallys enojoys this motherhood lark!