Feel so alone - someone tell me to get a grip

[allbymyself]

Have name changed for this...
I live abroad and have made very few friends, 2 in fact. Don´t get to see them much though.

My DH works away a lot and is doing so this week. I have a beautiful DS who is 11 months old and he´s the most important thing in my life.

Its my birthday tomorrow and I am going to spend it all alone (apart from DS that is)- yes I know I´m being pathetic but this has really got to me.

I have other issues going on and feel generally down so this has made things worse.

Feel free to "shake me" and tell me to get a grip, I don´t mind

[black31cat]

Hi,
Definitely not going to shake you - you need hugs and virtual chocolate instead. Its awful spending your birthday alone - is there anything you can do to make the evening special? I'm thinking chocolates, girlie DVD etc. Also can you talk to your DH via webcam or video phone? Speaking as a veteran of the long distance relationship we used to find webcams a godsend.

[rantinghousewife]

Good lord, you don't need a shake, you need a good bottle of wine and a bit of company for your birthday. Is there anywhere you could take ds just so you won't be closeted in the house all day long? It's a cliche but getting out of the house really will make you feel better.

[allbymyself]

Awww thanks you two for the kind words!

Good suggestions too - yes definitely have to find somewhere to go tomorrow as being closeted in the house all day long is no good for either of us...puts thinking cap on...

chocolate and wine very good! Don´t have a webcam will have to rely on good old-fashioned telephone

[francagoestohollywood]

Happy Birthday .

I moved to England 8 yrs ago and I felt incredibly lonely for a very very long time. When my first dc was little it felt even more lonely.
I really understand how you feel . You don't need to get a grip, just a bit of time. How long have you been abroad?

[rantinghousewife]

Oh yes, have a happy birthday ABM.

[allbymyself]

Thank you Franca!

Only been here 2 years so its still early days I know. I think its worse when you have LOs

Thanks for understanding

[JoanWilder]

oh happy happy happy bloody birthday!!
go shopping,,,choose something nice 'in lieu' of a dh...

now have a nice bath or a brew...

[allbymyself]

Thanks ranting

[allbymyself]

You made me LOL JoanW an extra big THANKYOU for that

[costababe]

I really understand how you feel, whilst my hubby is home evenings, I get quite down and lonely in the week, I too live abroad and have done for 6yrs now, but only have a very small circle of acquitances, not even proper friends. I hope youcan think of something to do to cheer yourself up for tomorrow.

[francagoestohollywood]

And remember that friendships can blossom when you least expect them to, and IME it takes longer when you are an adult and can't dedicate that much time to build up a relationship with another human being. But keep positive .

[costababe]

Happy birthday to you. Hope you are a bit brighter this morning.
Have a good day

[allbymyself]

Thanks Costababe. Had a good day actually, better than I thoug
ht I would yesterday.
Did some retail this morning with my darling DS and just about to have pizza and red wine for dinner - it doesn´t get any better than that does it...??!!

Thanks again everyone - don´t feel so alone now with my MN friends to support me!

[XAliceInWonderlandX]

glad you had a good day

i also get really lonely
am abroad too

enjoy your pizza
i made one earlier

good luck

[ShinyHappyPeopleHoldingHands]

Happy Birthday ABM

[Anonymama]

ABM Happy Birthday to You.

Have lived abroad in the past for a few years, and can take a long time to settle in, especially if there are language barriers. Must admit that I was childfree in those days, so could take up any invitations to social events that I was given, and was also lucky enough to make friends with a girl who introduced me to her large social circle and involved me in their various escapades.

It must be more difficult to get out and about and meet people with a baby in tow, but if you do speak the local language, all I can advise is to accost anyone you meet who looks about your age and has a baby in tow. They might be a bit lonely too, as it can be isolating being a new(ish) mum. If you don't speak the local language, perhaps you could meet a young mum who studied English at school and would like to do a language swap whilst the babies crawl around your feet.

Finally, the best bit of advice I ever got was to try and get out of the house every day - even if it is just to have a coffee on your own, pick up some shopping, take baby to the park, whatever. It breaks up the day, gives you a reason to get dressed and occasionally (!) wash your hair, and sometimes can lead to new friendships.

Also, the motherhood thing gets loads better in their second year - they start communicating with you, and even if all you talk about is diggers, the moon, shops (whatever turns your child on), it can be very rewarding.

All the best for a great year ahead.

[francagoestohollywood]

Happy Birthday !

[allbymyself]

Here´s to eating pizza Alice although I have to admit I cheated and bought mine!

Thanks for the gift SHPHH - lovely!

Anonymama - such a wonderful message it brought tears to my eyes (honestly) Wise words

Wish I could meet you all in RL - you are all wonderful ladies!

[jetson]

Living abroad can be very lonely at first. Actually, being at home with a baby even in your home country can be pretty isolating. Luckily all other Mums generally feel similary isolated so usually are pretty keen to get together. Is there any where you can stick a notice up to start your own English speaking Mum and Toddlers grp? Get very forward about introducing yourself to other folks with babies. Invite folks for coffee who have kids the same age. Are there other Brits around? Is there a language barrier? Thank God for email! Phone home and sod the expense. Better yet get Skype, free phone calls anywhere in the world via your computer. Google it.

[XAliceInWonderlandX]

cheers to you

ds loves cooking and dd loves eating
glad you feel happier
x

[rantinghousewife]

Came back to this to see how your day went, really pleased it was much better than you thought.
Happy Birthday, enjoy your pizza and wine!