Counsellor from camhs wants to refer me for long term counselling/pyschotherapy

[harman]

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[harman]

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[Anna8888]

Hi Harman

[Anna8888]

I'm really sorry but I don't know what CAMHS is.

[Anna8888]

Personally, I think psychotherapy / counselling can be great. I understand that you are worried about your children, but I don't think that refusing psychotherapy would in any way make you a better mother - by undergoing counselling, however, you will become a better mother

[Marina]

Oh Harman
I'd go for it if I were you

1. it means access to psychotherapy on the NHS which is a huge saving on having to go private
   
2. Surely availing yourself of the help CAMHS has offered will look good to the authorities, and get you the support you need for you and your children to continue to stay together
   
   Your ex-p said you were mad because he was a fecking arse . That is absolutely not the same thing as a supportive diagnosis from professionals. God what a pig that man was

[talktothebees]

I don't know you're situation but if yo';re worried your ability to take care of your children will be questioned, I would say that given that you are depressed and known to be so, the fact that you are accepting treatment could only work in your favour.

Your exp sounds like a charmer by the way. Fancy letting him slip through your fingers

[talktothebees]

your situation

[Niecie]

Depends on the therapist. I don't know much about it but from what I have heard the usefulness of psychotherapy depends a lot on the rapport you have with the therapist. This is particularly true of psychotherapy as the therapy goes on for so long, it isn't a quick fix.

Have you tried counselling before? How did that go? Why has it been suggested to you now?

You aren't mad, Harman, your Exp has done horrible things to your confidence and self-respect and you need to get them back. Maybe the counselling is the way to go but don't feel you have to do it if you really don't want to.

[harman]

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[Anna8888]

Harman - I agree, I would jump at the chance of some free psychotherapy with a horrible past history like yours that is making it difficult for you to move forward.

It doesn't mean anything in terms of getting social services involved that the counsellor thinks you, not DS, needs help. My partner and his ex-wife (when they were still together, a long time ago) took their eldest son to a child psychiatrist because he was having trouble sleeping. The child psychiatrist said the boy was fine, but that the mother ought to think about getting some counselling . It didn't mean anything in terms of gettin the children removed from the mother.

[Anna8888]

Harman - I got referred for NHS counselling by my midwife when I was pregnant. It was incredibly helpful.

[black31cat]

I've also just been referred for psychotherapy by my doctor. Honestly, it isn't a reflection on how you look after your children. I had one assessment session, and I described what was going on in my life: (been a carer for mum with mental health difficulties all my life, had high risk pregnancy and baby in SCBU for a while along with major health problems myslef and awaiting major surgery).
She basically said that there was nothing "wrong" with me and that anyone would feel depressed in my situation, and the psychotherapy was more to give me some space to make sense of things.
Someone once said to me that psychotherapy is what you turn to when everyone else around you is going mad! I think its true in my case and also sounds like its true in yours with your ex.

[MorocconOil]

Harman, social services will not remove children from their families unless they have very serious on-going concerns. They are not even involved with you or your children. TBH they would view a parent having counselling/psychotherapy very positively.

Accept the help you are being offered, and don't worry

[harman]

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[TotalChaos]

Yes, go for it. For exactly the same reasons as Marina said earlier in the thread.

[kayjayel]

harman - Just really wanted to reassure you that if they thought there was a prob with your parenting they wouldn't be referring you to therapy, but to social services. Therapists know (should know) that therapy should happen only with a certain amount of stability or resilience - if they thought you weren't coping and there was likely to be big upheaval (i.e. social services) they would be less likely to refer you for therapy. I'd try to take it as a compliment that they've recognised you have the strength inside to cope with an awful lot and that you have the insight, intelligence and bravery to confront your past through therapy.

I know there are scary stories like FL, but it doesn't sound like they are worried about you in that way. Like others said, ask them to outline their confidentiality policy too - when would they have to break it legally. Then you can be clear about what you do and don't say - gives you a bit of control back. I.e. they may only have to break confidentiality if you tell them that you are going to self-harm, or that your kids are in a risky situation.

So sorry you've had tons of crap to deal with and I hope you find someone to help shoulder a bit of it. Oh, and if you don't like your therapist, ask for another - cite 'therapeutic alliance' as the critical factor in therapy success and they should take you seriously!

[harman]

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[Anna8888]

Harman - yes, normally it will mostly be talking though sometimes you get exercises to work on at home.

I found that when counselling was really working for me I got a buzz from it and felt better and stronger after every session. Whereas I had been to psychotherapy in the past with other therapists and left feeling weepy and less able to cope. But I don't want to draw as a conclusion from that that therapy that doesn't give you an immediate lift isn't doing its job as I don't have enough knowledge for that.

However, my (old, wise) therapist said that if after 10 sessions you aren't feeling much stronger, you should change therapist.

[ImBarryScott]

hi harman - sorry to hear things have been so crap.

I am a SW with a CMHT (adult equivalent of CAMHS). We work with loads of parents, who parent really well despite any difficulties they are experiencing. There is no automatic referral onto children and families SW, and we work entirely separately.

To be honest, if there were any concerns whatsoever about your parenting, CAMHS would have been obliged to refer you onto children and families services in the first place.

The sort of service you'll get offered depends very much on what you and your allocated work think will be successful. This could be CBT, psychodynamic work, or something else entirely. If you have any views about what you think might be helpful (feel free to ask if you want more info) make sure they get heard!

[harman]

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[Anna8888]

Harman - you are not mad. From everything you have written, your life (present and past) has been pretty difficult. Crikey, four children to bring up on your own without much money is a challenge to absolutely anyone and you really shouldn't berate yourself for feeling overwhelmed and tearful.

I quite agree that therapists that say nothing are useless. You need someone who is going to be a rock for you to lean on psychologically so that you can work out how to get more support in your life to move forward.

[Niecie]

Harman you are definitely not mad. You are caring for your children and doing your very best for them and they are fine. It is a huge effort and you are struggling but that does not make you mad. I bet you are doing much better than I would in your situation.

That must have been awful to sit there with a therapist who did say anything. As I said earlier as psychotherapy is a long process you need to be sure that you have a therapist you get along with. If you don't feel comfortable with the first therapist you have try and change. As Anna says you do need to give it a few sessions as you probably won't feel comfortable with anybody for the first few.

You say that your DS has possibly got dyspraxia. Has he been referred to an occupational therapist? They deal with dyspraxia. My son has it and he is fine, a happy intelligent little boy (he is 7). The OT provides a course of therapy to improve his motor skills to do at home and at school. Nothing onerous really - balancing, practicing catching, help with handwriting and fine motor skills. Have you seen the Dyspraxia Foundation website? It is very helpful. A link here if you haven't seen it before

[vacua]

this is just a potential source of extra support, try to view it as something positive you are being offered and get as much out of it as you can - have been offered similar (15 yo daughter in an ED unit) and thought: 'gah, more appointments to remember' but it's actually really helpful so far