please talk to me i think i have PND again and i can't talk to anyone in RL, feel like i would like to curl up and die most days :(

[glum]

i had PND after my first baby 3 years ago, was on anti-depressants for 2 years until i got pregnant with dd when i stopped immediately. i'm still not completely convinved i'm over it - and i think i may have had PTSD as well (really horrendous birth that i still struggle to think/talk about now). i was never offered councelling, but was on sertraline for 2 years. my dd is now 9 months and i am so miserable, the slightest thing makes me go off the rails, screaming and crying and i am feeling really guilty about everything, most of all i would just like to curl up and hide under my duvet and i often think it would be just better if i was dead. i can't talk to anyone about this, dh and i are arguing alot probably because of how miserable i am. i just can't go on like this any more, but i'm not convinced the drugs will sort it out cos they didn't last time. has anyone else felt like this? what did you do? and sorry this is so long and rambly.

[amytheearwaxbanisher]

could you ask your gp for a different antideppresant than last time?did he not offer them when you said you were pregnant?i never had it but my mum did with me and doc put her straight on them after my little sister six years younger just in case.could you try consiling?

[glum]

i think sertraline are the only ones you can take while breastfeeding, i might be wrong about that tho. do you have to pay for councelling?

[glum]

hi notjustmom
are you on SSRIs? do they work for you?

((hugs))

[amytheearwaxbanisher]

i really dont know but you could find out from your gp or even have a look on the web hopfully someone will come on who could be more helpful oh or you could call you local healthcentre and ask they may even have support groups

[HeyThereBert]

hi glum
i have a bit of that feeling. well, that is to say, sometimes my denial functions better than others!

im feeling v guilty and disillusioned about the sort of parent i seem to be; shouty and snappy and wishing i was dead a lot...

im afraid, i dont have much in the way of advice, coz if i had the answers id be better! but the things im considering are;
-psychotherapy - a long term approach which may help to fix the root causes.
-CBT type treatment - to teach ways to cope with/handle here and now, supposedly quicker. more practical.
-along with looking at supplements etc which may help.
-mostly i stick my head in the sand about it, or tell myself off for being a drama queen.that denial is a double edged sword imo

good luck with your journey. just wanted you to know you are far from alone.

[glum]

hi heytherebert
that's just how i feel, every day i wake up thinking today i will be happy, i will not shout/snap at the kids, i will get all the jobs done, but i never seem to be able to accomplish it. and i hate feeling so guilty about everything, i don't want to shout at my kids and i don't want to wish i was dead a lot of the time, but i do. i can't talk to dh about his either, he is already really hacked off with me being miserable all the time

[MyEye]

There are other ADs you can take while b/feeding... I didn't get on with sertraline at all, and had bad sideeffects, but dothiepin (aka dosulepin) helped me very much, and I was b/feeding too. It's an old-style AD.
Please, please go back to your doc... they see this everyday, and the help is there, but you've got to ask for it. Your DH must suspect you have it again... wouldn't he be supportive if you were honest with him?

[HeyThereBert]

yep. my dp is really wonderfully supportive, but youre right, theres only so much unloading you can do on them. i dont want the focus of our realtionship to be how miserable or not i am.

i think you sound v much like me, and that both our problem may well rest on the unrealistically high expectations we have of ourselves. which lead us to 'fail' quickly, pain of disapointment triggers depression and then we are short and snappy as a result, which makes us feel worse/more guilty until we are just managing to keep our heads above water and make it to the end of the day.
collapse, late, into bed, get not enough sleep, wake up right back at the beginning, hoping it will be all better today and start right back on the cycle.

god, it looks rubbish in black and white, doesnt it??

[supportive smile]

[mummyhill]

Hi there.

Take one day at a time. Set yourself small goals. Remember just getting up and getting dressed in the morning is something to celebrate. It will get better. It takes time but it does eventually get better. You can get through this. Talk to the GP and tell them how you feel. If they offer meds and you feel happy to take them then go for it but also ask if they can refer you for counseling as it really does help to have someone impartial to off load to..

Many gps will offer meds before counseling so that it is easier for you to cope with.

Try to eat healthily, get out for a walk or do a bit of excersise as often as possible as this will release endorphins which make you feel better. We have to do a lot of excersie to reach a high enough endorphine level which is why ads are prescribed as it is not allways possible to get the amount of excersise that would be needed.

Are you getting enough sleep? I find that sleep is a major factor for me.

Bit rambly I know but I hope there is something here that helps.

Most importantly of all though keep talking there is uaually someone here that will answer you any time of day or night.