Guilty? yes. Depressed? Most definitely

[Mags143]

Sometimes the guilt i have makes me nauseous. Why? sometimes i think my life was great before. Why did i crave a baby for all those years? Job. car. Loving supportive husband. not lots of cash. but we got by. And then what the doctors described as a miracle. I was pregnant after 11 years of trying and they said it would never happen. I was delighted. My family were delighted. Pregnancy went great. i kept well. Quick, pain killer free labour. A beautiful healthy baby girl. So what the hell is my problem?? I havent a clue. But guilt is my (sometimes only) daily visitor. Maybe its feeling isolated. Not many places to go via public transport (the car was the first victim of budget cut) Also, nobody ever says to me, "you're doing a good job" or "you're a good mum" Because i dont know if i am. I've never done this before.

[stoppinattwo]

Aww mags you put such an awful feeling across so well, my heart goes out to you.

I am sorry that you feel like this.

you are not just doing a good job, you are doing a wonderful job . The beauty of this place is most of us understand where your at at the moment. That doesnt make it any easier or any more "normal feeling". This guilt you talk about is a funny feeling, like we feel bad because we are not eternaly grateful for our bundle of joy that we have longed for.

Keep talking, that is the key, there are plenty of us here only too willing to listen

SA2XX

[blanki]

Hey mags, ever noticed how people are so quick to slate someone/thing? Yet as a society we are so slow to congratulate others and acknowledge their achievements? I think motherhood is a very hard job. We crave it, do it, knock ourselves for it and dip into the guilt of the damage we may be causing our lil ones. When most of the time we are just fab and our kids feel unconditional love for us, as we do them. I havent done this before either and now I am at the stage where I can take pain and tears away from my toddler with a magic kiss- how special is that? I am TOTALLY skint, cant drive because I'm visually impaired, but my life has been much worse. DS thinks travelling by bertie bus and thomas and going to a station are the most exciting thing ever! Though I am keen to share his joy, its bloody cold! Look at your child, how they watch you , mimick you, respond to your voice and be proud. I am confident that you are doing an amazing job and although it is nice to have compliments from others, feeling ok in your own skin, money cant buy that.My advice look for the little free joys in life and keeptalking, esp here, You are SURE of alot of support. Take care

[lucyellensmum]

Mags, that is a great post, you describe so well what so many mums go through,whether the baby is longed for or an "accident". I think you need to talk to your GP about the "guilt" as it could be PND, however i totally relate to the isolation. I hated it when people suggested M&T to me and have posted many a post on here as to how much i hate it. But now im starting to make friends (ater two year5s) and i look forward to going, DD loves it too. The others are just like me, they feel isolated and bored senseless too.

You are not alone in feeling this way - speak to your HV (some are better than others) and ask her for a list of local groups, you will be surprised how many there are, you may have to go to quite a few before you find one you like but its worth it in the end, if not a bit dull to start with. You should make sure you get out at least once a day, even if you put DD in her pram and walk around the block - it does make you feel better.

This is a great support too, i think mumsnet has potentially saved my life with all the support i have received on here.

[lucyellensmum]

I totally get the lack of encouragement thing too, it is the hardest (but most rewarding imo) job in the world being a mum. You should tell your husband that you need to hear that you are doing great, i bet he is awe of you

[ScottishMummy]

Mags143 you are a good mum you do a good job
you are way too critical of yourself
have a wee glass o wine - treat yourself

[Mags143]

Thanks for all replies! Could have cried after reading all encouraging words. Felt better instantly after posting my rant, and may just take scottishmummy's advice,( but as i am also scottish) have already tried that. (pardon the stereo type)Thanks again for kind words etc, dont feel quite so alone now i've found mumsnet. P.S Lucyellensmum. Have also tried M&T and found them mostly to be smug, self-righteous gits, so i go so wee girl has playmates. But cant stand the nicey nicey-ness.

[ScottishMummy]

stoatin' a greta wee result then - ya brammer i also will take my own advice and have a wee bevvy

[widgypog]

Just wanted to say I empathise as we had a 'surprise' 4 years agosfter deciding we didnt want children, and i went through all of the feelings you have. I grieved for my old life and felt I wanst really supposed to be doing all this baby stuff.

Anyway I persevered with toddler groups and was alomst sick before the first day but I managed to meet some really good frinds and still have them now. It really was the best thing I have ever done ...so do try to embrace it and dont fight against the feelings you have as you shouldnt feel guilty and you are def not the only one who feels like this!!

[Hamishsmummy]

Hen, enjoy that glass of vino. We're with you right through this x

[fruitymum]

Mags you are doing a fab job - don't let anyone tell you otherwise!
M&T can be strange ... but there can be some really nice folk there just not everyweek - so stick in. It will get easier.
A wee or 2 wee glasses of wine are a great recomendation.
Am also up North - where are you?

[Mags143]

Sorry, logged out for a bit!! Xmas shopping and stuff. I'm in Lanarkshire, if you know where that is. If not, bout 12 miles south east of Glasgow. Have been much better since had wee rant the other week, went back to M&T on Tuesday and made a bit of an effort, and never stopped talking the whole time. Also spoke to DH, he knew something was up, but thought I had PMT!! Men eh?
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