need to get a grip

[jobekal]

i have lovely children and used to feel so lucky that i have them but now i can't cope and can't enjy them

for ages i have been upset about the birth and shocked at how much it bothered me and every time i start to feel better about it it starts bothering me, i know its stupid to be upset about a birth but i am. i am so pathetic

also i moved house recently and it was a big mistake, i wanted to get away from the damp conditions to improve our health but i left my friends behind, i ahve no family to support me, i dont like this new place, am aviding health visitor as she made me feel inadequate but so she should because i am.

i have felt low on and off for 4 months now but the last week i hit rock bottom, no enjoyment of children at all, don' want to go out, don't want to stay in, can't cope with anything, panic over everything and nothing

[Lazarou]

Hi, I'm sorry you are going through this. Is there any chance you can move back to where your family live?

[jobekal]

thanks for your reply, i didnt make it clear i dont ahve family anywhere really, but where i lived before i ahd lots of support from friends

would love to move back but i have had so much criticism as i have moved house a few times, mainly cos landlord sold so wasnt my fault most times but sure start etc said it wasnt good for children to keep moving

i think theyd be better if i did move but so afraid of being moaned at for moving them again

[Lazarou]

Well, if you are unhappy without your friends then I would suggest you move back. It's easy for other people to tell you what is best for you, but it sounds like you know what you want. Ignore any criticism, we all get that as parents. Remember also that your happiness is very important. You have to look after yourself as well as the kids. Clearly the people advising you are wrong this time. How soon could you move back?

[jobekal]

well i have a friend who is a social worker who reckons the council will help and will talk to them for me but i don't realy know

[lucyellensmum]

jobekal, i think you have PND, the thing that makes me think this is your upset over the birth. IT does sound like you are having a tough time of it lately. I felt the same way about my HV, she made me WORSE, made me feel totally inadequate and over sympathetic when what i wanted was a practical solution. Do you have an understanding GP, is there an approachable female doc at your clinic? I think you should talk to her. I was so completely traumatised by my birth experience and suffered in silence for two years before going to my GP, as i said, my HV basically told me i was clinically depressed and did NOTHING to help me, squat diddly shit, never went back to her. Told GP this and she sort of said, yes, she can be a bit like that can't she (patronising and simpering i think were the words i used!)>

Get yourself to the doctors, you are not pathetic, you are unwell, its not your fault, you do have to get a grip, but you dont have to do this alone.

I am now on ADs and i feel human again, so much better, no panic, no dispondancy, i have bad days, dont we all - you deserve to be enjoying your children and your children deserve to be enjoying you , don't miss out on this special time, ask for help, its there for you

[lucyellensmum]

talk to your SW friend and say that someone has suggested PND to you - she may well have some experience in this area and can advise you on how to get help. Once this is under control you will be more in control and be able to positively influence yours and your childrens future.

[Lazarou]

I know that my bil's mother moved from the south west to london to be near her brother and then her brother died withina matter of weeks and she was able to move back to the same area where she lived before, so yes, ask your friend to speak to the council or ring up the council offices yourself and find out who you need to speak to about it.
If you go to your local county council web page you should find some info on housing and you could always email them.