I am totally at a loss about my mother. I just do not know what to do. I find it very hard to be sympathetic and im just losing my patience, i have my own family and my own problems (im on ADs for depression myself)
She is most definately (IMO) severely depressed. But she refuses to even go to the doctors. This has all come about since my father died two years ago (and this is the underlying route of it im sure) But she has found out that her sister (from australia) has taken some photos from her house, probably when she was visiting my dad in hospital as her sister does have access. Or did have. The whole saga has dragged on for nearly two years now, it flares up from time to time. Anyway, this woman is over at the moment and has just inherited her brother in laws house. (she would openly say that she wished he would drop dead so they would get the house - shes 80btw, my mum is 73). Since then my mum has found loads of things in her house that her sister has apparently swapped her decent stuff for shitty replacements. From duvets and peg sets to gold necklaces. Now the thing is, as mad as it sounds, i would not put it past her sister to have taken the photos, and taken SOME things from my mothers house as she is that type of person, and would definately have routed through when my mum wasnt there etc. She clearly wouldnt bother with duvets and peg sets, but its just eating my mother away. She now thinks that she has swapped a gold necklace worht a considerable sum of money. What do i think? I havent got a clue, would she? Yes! HAs she, i'm not sure.
My mother just gets into a screaming rage and i have had her on the phone to me for an hour (in the mean time ive prepared DDs lunch and bottle, cleaned the kitchen! whilst balancing the phone on my neck) screaming at me that i dont support her, she is going to kill her sister but she can't think of a way to get her on her own (like what the hell am i supposed to do about this!), she is just going on and on and on, same thing over and over (no she doesnt have alzhiemers, shes always been like this, always) and i jsut say, i dont know what you want me to do - she has had the police involved which of course they didnt believe her, probably think she is barking mad (she could well be!). As i said, i believe some of it, but its beyond proof. I have cut all contact with this aunt but cannot see what else my mother expects me to do. Because i try and point out to her how it would affect me and my children if she were to do something (believe me, she would) she just screams at me that i dont believe her.
IT is just an impossibel situation, she rings me at 7.30 every morning and im usually just sorting out DD so the phone just rings and rings over and over, then she screams at me why dont i answer, even when im out and my mobile is off there are demented messages, answer your fucking phone etc etc.
I know i dont seem very sympathetic, but i really dont need this, i have severe anxiety and depression and i can just about hold it together but my mother can make me feel like shit in seconds. Part of me just wishes she would go and carry out all of her threats and be done with it, then i dont have to listen to it any more. Its the same thing over and over and i can do NOTHING to help her.
I tried to say to her today, look, this has made you ill, please go to the doctor, she just started saying how i dont help her and dont want to know and now i think she is mad, completely irrational. As i said, she has always been like this, it is because she doesnt now have my father to make his life hell that she is looking for another outlet.
Saying all of this, my mother is the kindest person i know, who adores her grand children and will do anything for us, she would give us her last penny. I just feel so helpless, i cant MAKE her go to the doctors, and if i go and talk to her doctor (who is as useful as a chocolate tea pot!) without her she is going to see that as a betrayal. She only has her sister and sister in law, and her children in her family now, but they basically avoid her like the plague because of all this. I try and include her as much as i can, i have her look after my dd while i work one day a week, this is helpful to me but it is really good for her as she is fantasitc with my dd who adores her nanny. Now i am probably going to have to call into work for the fourth week in a row and tell them i cant work, and its pretty obvious they are going to run outof patience pretty damn soon.
I dont need this, i just want to (as my DP keeps begging me to do) live my life, from day to day, no stress, no drama, no worries. Ive had enough, i can't cope with her shit, but im too weak to stand up to her. I want to help but she wont let me, what can i do?
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Mental health
My mother is driving me mad.....................i think this might be a long one.
10 replies
lucyellensmum · 03/10/2007 15:17
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