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I'm not an authority but I've coped with depression quite a few times now and if my plan can help anyone else then it'll turn a negative into a positive.
My depression was the paranoid, delusional, self-loathing type where I found it hard to function on a basic level, but this plan really helped on a day to day basis.
1. Confide in someone.
I told my best friend and she helped, still is helping, enormously. I was afraid that I'd be told I was stupid, or pathetic, when she didn't it gave me confidence to finally tell my dh, who has also been very supportive. It really does help to have someone to call when you need them.
2. Do ONE bit of housework every day.
Living in a mess is depressing in itself and it can seem like a huge task when you list all the housework you have to do. But if you concentrate on one room, so for instance you vaccum the living room, it's done then and tomorrow you can mop the kitchen floor. It's a small sense of achievement but it really does help.
3. Buy some tonic.
You get depressed, you don't eat, your body feels run down, you get depressed, etc etc. You need to break that cycle. If you have no appetite then go to the chemist and get some tonic to take every day so you are getting some vitamins in you at least.
4. Get a diary or notebook.
Tie it to your telephone or somewhere obvious so you don't lose it and write down all your appointments in there.
5. Plan ahead.
Use your diary to plan events for every single day. You can go to the library one day, the supermarket the next and so on. Work a week ahead so that you always have something to do and you are not getting out of bed with that dread feeling of not knowing what to do that day.
6. Make your weekends special.
If you're not working, weekends are just like any other day. Well make them something to look forward to again. Wear a bit of make-up, do something different with your hair, save some special weekend clothes to wear, buy some lovely underwear. If you look good on the outside you'll feel good on the inside.
7. Get some ME time.
Make sure that at least once a week your partner/friend/family member takes your children off your for at least an hour. Use this to watch a DVD you want to watch, or have a long bath, or even just Mumsnet.
8. Read a book.
It's amazing how a book can take you out of one world and transport you to another. Turn off the pc and get stuck into a book. Good books can lift your mood.
9. Get out of the house every day.
Even if it's just to hang the washing out. Get out of your front door and breathe the air. Drive to the next village to use the shops. Go to a different supermarket. Take the kids to the park. GET OUT OF THE HOUSE.
10. Book yourself into the Well Womens Clinic. Most surgeries have one, or just ask for a check up. Knowing you are physically ok stops the hypochrondia that usually comes with depression. Or it can highlight a possible cause such as thyroids, low blood sugar or anameia. It's worth getting yourself checked out.
The key to depression is slowly starting to get your confidence back. Once you have that you can start to deal with the problems that caused the depression in the first place.
Ah yes! I missed that one out, although hoovering is quite energetic.
Exercise is a difficult one though because when you are depressed you have no energy to exercise, you can hardly heave your sorry arse out of bed let alone go for a run! I cut our hedge with some heavy shears the other day, bloody hard work but I got obsessed and felt so much better afterwards!
I'm an anal depressive. I start to order things and clean obsessively. Dh said he knew summat was up when I started re-arranging furniture and dusting - I never normally dust!
well yes, it is difficult to get motivated, hence suggested a brisk walk Or, as you said, energetic hoovering or window washing or digging. You don't have to join a gym...
It's horses for courses, if I am depresssed, I feel the need to walk more than I feel the need to do housework IYSWIM.
Yup, everyone is different when depressed and what works for one won't for others.
You need to work from the outside in. Get your body fit and healthy and your mind will follow. Be careful what you wear, it influences you more than you know. It's been proven that if you wear saggy, dark clothes you will feel more miserable than if you wore smart, colourful ones. So even if you feel like shit, wearing something with a little colour can help shape your mood.
Can I add... have a shower every day and wash your hair as often as you need to to keep it clean. One of my big symptoms is letting my personal hygiene slide. When I am bad I can go for days without washing or sorting my hair out. All tied in with general tiredness I think - when I am down I am too tired even to clean myself. Hauling my sorry arse into a shower helps immensely.
May I add, when I was depressed, I was told to write things down before going to bed that might otherwise worry me overnight. Then I could get a better night's sleep. It also helped me plan for the next day as well, to put my mind at rest that things would be ok the next day IYSWIM.
Even now, some years after being depressed (thank goodness) I still plan my day, the night before.
another tip I have heard to be effective is try and write down one thing which made you feel good about each day - it can be as small and simple as ''got up before midday'' or ''nice blue sky''.
When I suffered from PND, I remember going out & buying myself some new clothes. It felt important for me to try & make myself look good on the outside even though I felt terrible inside.
I still work to that now and can feel lost if I dont have 'something on'. This could be as simple as a trip to the library, taking DC swimming or softplay, supermarket, etc. By adding structure to your week you can then use the 'events' as stepping stones to get through the week.
Just thought of something else I do to help at night, as nights are often the worst time, when you start to dwell on things and can't seem to shut out those negative thoughts that flood in with the darkness.
Last thing at night read a book, it's great for clearing your mind of daily junk. If you do wake up panicking at night, you can put on the light and read some more to take your mind off things.
The radio is also good. I used to fall asleep to the radio, just listening to the DJ helped remind me that I was not the only one in the whole wide world who was awake. Falling asleep to music is quite therapeutic.
good list, glad it's worked for you. i@d add "seek help" asap if you're severely depressed rather than down - get therapy, take ADs, st john's wort, whatever but many people need a chemical lift too.
Great advice, even for people who are just feeling a bit crap.
I will be sure to wear makeup next weekend and even brush my teeth (if I remember! lol) Seriously though, really good advice, especially the 'one bit of housework a day'. I vacuumed my living room today and polished all the surfaces in there. Funny how a clean house makes me appreciate how lucky I am to have a nice home for ds to grow up in.
I miss reading too. I may start reading a book tonight, it's true how it can help your mood massively. Thanks so much x
Can I add, if you feel like you're not achieving much, (I find this if feeling particularly crap) get a little notebook and write down a few things you want to do.. we all have loads of things we need/want to do, but keep the list small, that way this reminds us we are achieving things and what is left over can be put on the for the next day to do/want left.. even if it's small things that seem insignificant it can be helpful and include some me time or time that gets one out of the house..
for example today's list for me went: (a)Meet X and her children in the afternoon, (b)Hoover, (c)Clean downstairs toilet, (d)Put on a wash and hang the clothes up afters, (e)Do DS1s key words, (f)Phone Drs to make appt for DS2s jabs,
so far have achieved a,c,d and f.. b can wait until tomorrow before some friends come over, e may happen later today, but I have also spent some quality time with DS1 today. I also plan to watch some Heroes on DVD later
Like I say don't go overboard on things to do, but I found it really useful when I fall into my I am not achieving much mode.. when in fact though some of it be very simple, it needed to be done etc!
This is great! When you are depressed doing anything feels like painfully hard work or painfully boring so it is really good that you are saying about doing the smallest things which seem more manageable and then when you've done one small thing you feel more able to do another small thing and get your confidence back like you say. I will keep reading this thread to help from slipping back down
Other things that help me are listening to some loud music while doing a chore I don't feel like doing and focussing on the music.
Dyeing my hair so I feel more attractive.
MUMSNET!!!!!!!!!!
Having a nice cup of coffee/glass of wine/Red Bull (maybe an overreliance on caffeine isn't so good though) while doing a chore I don't want to do.
Typing my random thoughts furiously into the laptop, trying to make sense of them and talking myself into feeling more positive, then deleting it all.
i find trying to be nice to dp - ask how his work is etc then at the end of the day you don think 'what a self abosrbed shit i have been - again' you think - well i tried!
reading ds school book everyday is a good one
just helps me feel 'on top' of things
if i dont do it every day - or two then i start to feel like a shit mother etc
One thing that I added to my list of dailt tasks to do was eating and drinking, keeping a check on this can help too. You don't hae to write down what yu eat just a tick for breakfast, lunch and tea and one for each drink will help.
avoiding illness identity (eg too much time with other depressed people, attributing everything to depression) and having a stake in the outside world - job, paid or otherwise, community involvement, hobby that throws you into contact with other people
I've tried so many things for so many years which haven't made much difference but this has:
Every time you complete any little task eg empty and reload the dishwasher or spend a bit of quality time with the children, either doing an activity or having a conversation where you are totally focussed on them, write it down on a list and immediately cross it out (because you have just done it). It's like a backwards to do list because you only write it when you have done it! As you watch the list get longer throughout the day you are focussing on what you HAVE achieved rather than what you ought to do but haven't yet. You can see that you are not completely useless because you have managed to do these things. It feels good and makes you feel like doing more so that you can have the satisfaction of seeing a long list. I put a star next to the children's activities because these are more important than housework.
When your DH gets home and says "What have you done today?" but you don't want to drone on eg. "I took DD to school, then emptied the dishwasher then filled the dishwasher then put a load of washing on then ...", because he won't really be listening because it sounds boring and he won't take in how much work you have done and how you have contributed equally in your partnership, just show him the list and say I've done all this! My DH appreciates what I've done much more now and feels less resentful that he works so hard in a stressful job while I'm at home doing 'what I want'.
It probably sounds really 'lame' when you read it but please just try it and see! It has made such a difference to me and I'm amazed because it felt like nothing would work!
