should I see the doctor?

[mumofdini]

This is the first time ive posted. Only started to look on here because I think i have PND.
I have 2 beautiful dds aged 3 and 20wks. Until I was pregnant with no2 never shouted at or got grumpy with dd1. Then a few times when I was really tired I lost the rag a bit.
Now it happens all the time for the tiniest thing. Think this is maybe normal what with stresses and strains of 2 kids but is it normal to hate yourself so much that much of the time you think they'd all be better off without you around? Including dp? Have been doing stupid things like punching walls and hurting myself especially when I catch sight of my miserable frowninf face in the mirror. I feel like I'm being so sefish and making everyone unhappy. Have a sick feeling and lump in my throat a lot of the time. I've got a doc appointment but i'm terrified that he will say its just me ie i am a s* mum and just have to live with it, or alternatively say ADs. Iam bf and dont want to risk them. Has anyone done CBT?I just cant see how it could work though wish it could make everything ok.

[icklmum]

hi mumofdini,
i just wanted to say you're not being selfish. I have pnd and i know how terrifying it is to take that first step but i have to say you should be so proud of yourself for coming on here to say how you feel, it shows that you know somthing is wrong and you do want help.
If you are too scared to talk to your gp about it then do you have a health visitor that you see about your daughters? I first spoke to mine and they can be amazing help, and although i am on ad's (if you do go down that route they are perfectly safe) she provided me with councilling and a wonderful scheme called homestart.
I hope this helps a little bit if i can help anymore please ask x

[mumofdini]

Thankyou for your reply, icklmum.I dont know the health visitors at my practise because they er all temps at the moment.They didnt do the pnd questionairre with me thhis time cos theyre all over the place at the moment. I know it's silly but I'm worried about seeing my GP because he always went on about how smiley and happy I was through my pregnancies (especially the first one) and now I feel like i've somehow let everyone down. On the other hand I think maybe because he knows me that he will see the difference in me.
Thanks so much for your reply it's really nice to know there's someone out there that understands.
I hope you are doing ok too.

[hotchocscot]

Hi mumofdini, you should really take that step and tell your doctor honestly how you are feeling, I hope he is a sympathetic and helpful one, you should get some positive help as it does sound like PND to me. I felt like a crap mum cos i failed to BF (due to illness but still felt like a useless cow), struggled on till ds was 7 months old hating myself, finally saw doctor and bless! she was fab. Got AD's, that was 6 months ago and I can honestly say they have really helped, as has the counselling I had, to help me think in a positive way and see things in perspective. PND is a horrible, insidious, sapping, joykilling nightmare, IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT, ITS A DISEASE LIKE ANY OTHER, so go get the help you deserve to feel better. Big huge cuddles you have done well to get this far xxxx