havent laughed in weeks

[vanesie]

hi feelin very low at the moment nothing makes me happy. have 2 children and a great partner but am feelin like a slave. im 29 years old and had a good enough career. now im a stay at home mother . i feel my life has passed me by and dont want to leave the house any more. i just want to appreciate what i have,but i feel thers more to me than cooking and cleaning. please help family is suffering.

[mytwopenceworth]

Have you seen your gp?

[vanesie]

hi did a couple of weeks back and he said to try talking to someone b4 i try antidepressants. spoke to a counselor and felt good as i had a few issues to deal with. i just feel these dark moods are takin over my life. tried antidepressants 2 years ago and felt sick and couldnt function prperly.

[suezee]

have u spoke to ur dp about the way ur feeling, also y dont u see whats happpening locally thay u can take ur children to and socialize with other ppl who are all there for same reason (sick of looking at the same effin walls day in and out).are any od the dc at school???, y not look at a job part time to keep ur sanity

[vanesie]

would love a parttime job 1 child at school .2 year old starting creche in sept so hopefully something will pop up. did you ever come to a stage in ur life and say wat did i do with it.

[suezee]

lol im only 22, left home and moved in with dp at 16, had dd at 17 and ds at 20..........i ask myself that question at least once a day

[vanesie]

thanks sueezie for answering. i too had my first at 17. i guess every mother asks theese questions. just feelin a bit low.

[suezee]

do not worry about, i often fantasize of what my life would be like without the dp and kids, not to mention all the work that goes along with having them. do u and dp get out on ur own much????

[katylui1]

Vanesie, I think what you're feeling is soo natural. Society today doesn't put much value on raising kids but look back to your granny's generation, it was the most important thing - the reason why men went to work. My advice? Talk to your partner, get it out in the open, talk to your GP, remember your career isn't over, your just taking time out to raise your kids, lots of succesful women do, and most importantly figure out 2 or 3 things that you would enjoy doing with the kids and do it. There are a gazillion women out there feeling the same, you're not alone.

[suezee]

soooo true, my dp comes home and cant be bothered to anything in the house sometimes because he's been to "work all day", because i do naff all obviously, its a walk in the park and it must be easier cos u dont get paid??????

[stressteddy]

Having children is v. tough. Not a mother in the world who hasn't felt like you feel at some point. Just find a rythem and go with it. Do you have help near by? Family, friends?
Stop thinking you R depressed and start thinking this is my life - what can I do with it
Love to you darling. I promise you we all feel like this at some point. I gave up fab career to be sahm and often think "is this it?" when I either go to supermarket, town or the park

I think katylui speaks wisely when she says we are just taking time out to raise kids
Keep smiling babe
XX

[katylui1]

Oh well the cure for that one is to go away for the weekend and leave the bare minimum of instructions cos 'you know he'll cope as their daddy'.
Get home and ask why their aren't clean clothes/plates/cups/bottles/children ready? DP has finally realised that it is a full time job - alternatively, lookinto the cost of childcare and ask him what he thinks they may do with DCs that you don't. (Can you sense that I've been there!) X

[vanesie]

thanks for all the advice. just feelin sorry for myself. ya we do get to go out and ive family near by. goin on hen night soon so thats keepin me sane. i think im gettin restless as 2 year old isnt as reliant on me. thanks to you all

[suezee]

im loving the fact that my soon to be 2 year old is becoming independant, even though i love him dearly he will be nearly 4 when he starts school

[vanesie]

ya it is great to see them grow up. do you like being at home urself

[suezee]

most of the time, my parents worked so i was always with other family members growing up, so i like the fact that i give my kids stability and i can enjoy then while theyre young

[vanesie]

ya i know wat you mean. it is important to be there for them. have an eleven year old too who is nothing but trouble at the moment. its a lot easier to go out to work every day.

[vanesie]

ya i know wat you mean. it is important to be there for them. have an eleven year old too who is nothing but trouble at the moment. its a lot easier to go out to work every day.

[suezee]

tricky age 11 but just think you'll be back at work hopefully bu the time they're 13 and the shit really hits the fan lol:0

[katinat]

Vanesie, You are so young and you have your entire life ahead of you. Never underestimate the very important job that you do with your children and remember that they're grown in the blink of an eye. Cherish this time with them.

Check out this article when you are feeling undervalued:

www.cnn.com/2007/US/05/02/mothers.worth/index.html

[Dottydot]

Hi Vanesie - I know this probably won't make you feel any better, but at least you're not 38 with a 3 year old! 29 is young and you'll only be in your early 30's by the time your little one is in school full time - plenty of time to either get a job or re-train for something. My dp's cousin has just re-trained as a midwife in her 30's (and has just had twins as well! ).

Maybe start a 5 year plan for the next bit of your life - what would you like to do/be and how are you going to get there? What's the first thing you'll do when your 2 year old starts school (even if it's just join a gym/get a part-time job), or is there any way you could get out and do an evening course at the moment?

I know when you're down it's hard to think ahead so if there are any friends or family that you know are good with listening then talk to them - and ideally get a babysitter so you and your dp can get out every now and then.