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Mental health

Feeling very sad.

8 replies

Rachmumoftwo · 06/07/2007 13:39

I just feel so sad at the moment, so I thought Id write it down as I cant really talk about it to anyone. My Dad is coming toward the end of his long battle with cancer. He is in a lot of pain so I know it will be a relief for him. I am trying to carry on as normal but just keep getting overwhelmed by sadness. It just comes over me when I am doing normal things, and I feel like curling into a ball and crying, but I cant. I have to keep going, as my 2 children obviously dont know Grandad will be gone soon. I have prepared them for it in some ways, so I can explain when he is gone, and they will have some understanding, but cant tell them outright, as they are 4 and 5. But I dont seem to have the time and space to cry, and also would feel a little self-indulgent if I attempt to make time. Anyway, I thought it might help if I put my feelings out there as it were.

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ScottishMummy · 06/07/2007 13:49

so so sorry about the terrible experiences you are having - so traumatic be losing your father to cancer - such a hideous nasty disease

i am thinking about you at this awful time - i know what it is like to lose a parent too

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daisyandbabybootoo · 06/07/2007 13:50

Hi Rach...sorry you are having to deal with this, and so sorry for your dad having to deal with the pain. Cancer is truly a horrible horrible disease. It must be hard having to keep upbeat for the kids and you sound like you're being really strong for both them and your dad. Try to keep yourself well though and let out your feelings, as bottling them up will only make you feel worse in the long term.

My mum was diagnosed with lung cancer a year and a half ago so I can empathise to an extent with how you feel. She has been OK so far, but the cancer is getting worse and she has recently started to go downhill. We had her for a visit for a couple of days to see her new graddaughter (she lives 250 miles away) and she said to me that she felt it was the beginning of the end. It's awful to think that she won't be around for much longer. I've got a five year old who knows that nana has poorly lungs but that's all. He's quite a sensitive soul and still regularly talks about his grandad who died 2 years ago.

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singingmum · 06/07/2007 13:53

How awful.It's not self-indulgent to make time to cry and will bring some relief as bottling it up will make it so much worse.If the dc's see you crying they will just hug you and thats a good thing as they learn that when you're sad crying is ok so not indulgent it's a good lesson for dc's.

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daisyandbabybootoo · 06/07/2007 14:05

Rach...i just found this cancer support thread which you may find useful. I think I'll pop in there and say hello myself.

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ScottishMummy · 06/07/2007 14:14

MN support thread for those affected by cancer - hth
www.mumsnet.com/Talk?topicid=138&threadid=298813&stamp=070706140111

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slim22 · 06/07/2007 15:19

been there.
curl up and cry if you can't fight it, just give in and pray or meditate or do whatever it is that makes you feel complete. give yourself some space if you can and rejoyce in the warmth of your chidren when they make you laugh.
the most important thing now is him, being there, smiling, caring, reassuring.
Then give time some time to heal.

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ScottishMummy · 06/07/2007 15:43

wise words - i agree
do whatever works for you

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Rachmumoftwo · 08/07/2007 21:48

Thank you all for your kind words. We went for a visit today, he is staying at home unless that becomes impossible. He had to have his tongue and other parts of his mouth/throat area removed over a year ago, so he has been unable to talk, eat, smell or taste for a long time. It is so hard. The children have gotten used to Grandad being unable to talk now, but in many ways it makes it so much harder, as we can't communicate very easily. My stepmum is taking it all very hard, and she doesn't like to cry in front of him. He could go at any time, we just don't know. That is part of what is so hard, he has lived with cancer for over 10 years, and fought a good fight, but now it is winning. I try to be positive, as we had 10 years we may have missed out on. He has met and become close to his grandchildren, who will remember they had a grandad who loved them. It does me good writing this, as I have no-one to talk to really. I do have a DH, but he works long hours, and we rarely have time alone, so it is hard to get to really talk. No-ones fault, just part of having a young family and needing the money really.