Can't be bothered anymore

[Snakepit]

A few months ago I was on top of the world, I'm usually a very optomistc person and I was so looking foward to my future, getting a job, getting a new house, holiday etc and now I just feel like crap 99% of the time, I'm horrible and snappy, lose my temper so quickly...a few minutes ago for instance I completely lost my rag with my 6 year old because he was reading his book too slowly, I was so angry I gave myself headache and now he's upset but I've been like this pretty much all weekend too, shouting at the kids every 5 minutes, putting them to bed as early as possible and letting my 8 year old spend hours on the PC just so that he was out of my way.

I can't be bothered to do anything, I feel like I have a total lack of energy, I'm easily irritated by people, my friend goes on and on and on about her sister in law and it drives me nuts, I'm so close to snapping with her but she's a good friend and I don't want to but I feel like saying to her "just leave me alone" "please find someone else to whinge to" etc.

I joined up to this stupid training thing with the job centre to help me back into work and its been a complete waste of my time, I sit there in an office for 4 hours a day doing nothing. I can't leave because I have taken the incentive money into my budget and without it I'd be too short of money.

I just feel like I can't be bothered anymore, I went out today with my hair a complete mess, I usually won't go out without it being straightened but today I honestly couldn't be bothered, the house is a tip, I have no decent clothes, no money to buy any and I feel lonely, I have a "partner" but for the ammount of times I see him (twice a month) I may as well be totally single.

I just can't be bothered anymore, not even with the kids.

[Beauregard]

Hi,
Have you felt this low before?
Sounds like you are depressed,could you see your GP or talk to a friend or someone?

[lilolilmanchester]

Agree with Pelvic. I know people are often reluctant to go the GP when they are feeling down, but it's no different than, say, having a chest infection. Also, you say your friend is a "good friend". Sounds like she just off-loads her problems onto you - can't she listen to you for a change? Sometimes having a good chat, a few tears, and a hug with a friend, can make a difference.

[ohsmellyjelly]

Could you be pregnant SP?

[Snakepit]

I can't be pregnant thankfully.

My friend just likes to talk, whenever I mention my own problems I just get one word answers in a sort of "oh never mind.." kind of tone, plus I'm a very private person to tend not to open up too often.

I just feel so 'pointless', I have an imagage of the kind of life I want and it's nothing too much, just a decent house in a decent area, decent schools for the kids and a partner who would love and respect me, weekends away, someone to talk to...I want to work but I'm finding it impossible to get a job which means I can't get the house that I want, I feel like I'm looking at the life I want through a window which is locked...I can see it but I can't get to it.

I don't have anyone to talk to.

[lilolilmanchester]

we're here for you and can help a bit, but it sounds to me like some professional help would be the best thing, honestly.

[lilolilmanchester]

sorry, have to go off line a while to sort out teenage DS & homework. But I know there'll be lots of others with plenty of advice, back later

[Snakepit]

I'm scared of seeing the doctor though, I'm scared that if he puts me on AD's they will mess me up more than I already am. I don't want councelling either as I know the people that work in MH team.

I'm thinking if trying to get a job as an auxillery (sp?) nurse and working my way up through the ranks, I've recently started a health and social care course with the OU.

I dream of having a professional job of my own so that I am independant of any potential partner that comes along, I think I can achieve it but then I look at 'the baggage' and wonder why I'm bothering. Even if I do get a good job I'll still be fat, I'll still have 2 out of control kids, I'll still be "the single parent from the council estate", I'll still be the woman that no decent man would look at twice.

[DutchOma]

But you could also begin to talk to yourself and say:- "What of these things can I achieve?" It looks to me as if you have a lot of things against you, but you have also already started to crawl out of the pit, with an OU course and a training course at the jobcentre. Ok, it's not quite what you want, but you could try and make something of that? Try to set a really small goal like: I'll put clean sheets on the bed tomorrow or whatever.
Try to smile at someone, even on a council estate there are people who would love to see a cheery face - you don't have to mean it!
Say if I'm talking total rubbish, I don't mind...

[lilolilmanchester]

Hi again. Was thinking about you while I was off-line, and was thinking of saying something similar to Dutch Oma. You've got so much bringing you down at the moment, thatyou can't see the wood for the trees. I was thinking, that if you can bear it, to try to find just one positive thing each day to smile/be pleased about and/or one thing you could achieve each day, no matter how small. Empty the bins? Play a game of cards with the kids? Straighten your hair? Browse the charity shops for clothes bargains (I buy a lot of my clothes in charity shops and am on a good salary, just hate wasting good money on high street prices.
My main advice continues to be get some outside help, but you're not wanting to do that. So, start small. One tiny thing each day. Let us know how things are going.

[medbeach]

To pelvicfloornomore: thanks for your name, I've had a hard day and it made me smile!

[lilolilmanchester]

Hi Snakepit, how are things?

[Laurzzz]

I've just googled a similar thing & I found this you wrote 8 years ago, wonder how you went. Your post seems like how I feel now. I was always positive but I am over everything now. My 3 are 9 & 8 yo twins & the 1st time I've felt like this. I've got through the baby & toddler years but now I'm tired and feel I can't do it anymore, I just want to cry & hide somewhere - but I can't as I always have to be somewhere or doing something for someone else. Is this selfish? Probably but with work, kids & a husband I'm tired of trying to be perfect, especially when it is not working because my children are rude and don't care when I've tried so hard to do everything right. Some slight peace knowing it's not just me. Just needed to get it out Confidentially I think as I might be ok again tomorrow, maybe just bad last few weeks.

[Mariama90]

Depression is a recurring thing in lots of peeps just because you had it before doesn’t mean it can’t return. I would suggest that you have underlying issues that need to be aired and understood so you can build your life on a stronger footing....medication can help level the mood to enable you to be ‘bothered’ to take some action ie talk to a counsellor and to be honest I don’t think they are addictive unless you take them for years and begin to depend on them, they are an aid to you working on yourself which I’m sure seems impossible at the moment. Do go talk with your GP and good luck