Such a long story that I'll try to keep short if possile. I don't know where to start so if it's all over the place, apologies in advance.
I'm 29 and utterly fed-up. I've been off work for the last eight weeks due to 'stress related disorder' according to my sick certs. Doctor put me on AD's but I asked to come off them as I felt emotionally restrained on them.
A brief background.....I left school early with no skill or training and basically did nothing for a few years. Too interested in parties and the like to get organised and do something worthwhile. I fell pg 8years ago and it was the best thing that ever happened to me. I didn't have time to regret and whinge over the wasted years, I just got on with it and decided to show my daughter that you don't give up when you make mistakes - you learn from them and move on.
I decided to study as a mature student and with the help of my family and a lot of sacrafices (time with dd etc) I passed my exams and now have a great job(financially). I have been able to get a mortgage and keep on top of the bills with a little disposable income too but I'm not happy. I split with dd's dad when she was 1yo (we remain great friends) and have been with dp for three years. I love him like no other but I think we're on different paths.
He is four years younger than me but that is of no consequence (or maybe it is and I can't see it)We have discussed having another baby but he is adamant(sp?) he does not want one. Still talking about building a house and going back to college.
I don't know what it is but I feel so stuck. I hate my job, not the actual work but the fact that I don't see my dd as much as I'd like too. I work shift and never know what I'm working from one week to the next(whole other story but that's how it is for now and the immediate future)
I feel like I worked my ass off for a career that would ensure I could provide for dd and I, independant of anyone else (trust issues with men!)and it just is not worth it anymore.
I have no friends because I relocated to get this job. I'm sick of dp and his materialistic view of the world.
I want love and life and family and friends not a job that keeps me away from dd so much and a dp driven by the desire to have all the things that money can buy. Yeah, I'd love to win the lotto or be a famous actress or writer but that is fantasy. In this lifetime I just want to be happy and healthy and want the same for my loved ones.
Life is too short for what this world has become for me. I want to run away with dd and live in a cottage and Home Ed and have chickens and a cow or a goat and no tv and lots of books and coffee and memories and laughs and FREEDOM.
That's it, I want peace and peace of mind.
(oh and MN but I'm in denial about my addiction to same....ssshhhhhh!)
Thanks for reading if you've gotten this far
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Mental health
I feel so stuck and crave freedom (long!)
11 replies
AbRoller · 02/07/2007 16:35
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