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Mental health

not coping

9 replies

Babyramone · 23/06/2007 11:44

I am in tears writing this. I feel as if every thing is too much.
I have a lovely DS 3.5 and 9 month DD and although work at weekends am more or less stay at home mum.
I feel though Iam constantly battling with DH. When I go to work at the weekend (alt sundays)I always lake sure leave the house in some reasonable state.
I then come back to food all over the carpet, every toy out etc and a filthy kitchen.
My evening is then spent clearing up. If ask DH he doesn't says I moan, we argue then I do it as cam't stand the mess.
I,m not exceptionally houseproud just don't want mice.
DH has taken over the spare room and it is digusting - like a dirty teenage boys room.
We've lives in this house 4 years and still have the old carpets etc.
He thinks nothing off spending his money on several nights out etc but goes balistic if i go overdrawn or use CC.
I have 150 wages from job, CB, 80 Tax credits and he gives me £100 housekeeeping but i can't manage on it.
Worried as have to go for gall bladder removal and will get no help.
My own mum has Dementia and though not bad finds it difficult.
My MIL is too busy making sure every eldery person in 20 miles ok so she can't help.
I know this shpuld go inrelationships too but I feel so on edge.
just want support and not have to battle all the time.

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Riss70 · 23/06/2007 11:51

It sounds as though it is terrible Baby but I am not really understanding too much

sounds a little like Dh might be very selfish and that you have very little support available to you

I think you should make an appointment ASAP with a counsellor or your doctor (maybe PND or ordinary depression) and get some ongoing professional assistance

try to focus on your little ones as at bad times that has been the thing to get me through - even thoguh theya re challenging and can be very trying think about the sweet things and the cute things that they do and have a wonderful curled up hug with them cause the affection and love is unconditional and pure

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pinkteddy · 23/06/2007 11:52

Sorry that you are feeling so low. Can you perhaps get a babysitter, go out and have a proper conversation with DH about how you feel? Try to be calm and not let it turn into an argument. Easier said then done I know.

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pinkteddy · 23/06/2007 13:09

bumping for you

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Babyramone · 25/06/2007 13:57

Hi reading my op back and it makes no sense.
I think I just feel as if everything on top off me what with baby, preschooler, ill mum, unhelpful husband, gall bladder problems and I now have bronchitis (had on sat so don't think that helped my frame of mind)
You're so right DH is selfish. He's a great dad but has changed nothing in his life since we had the kids.
I feel over whelmed.
Have tried talking to dh but he's a thron bugger.

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Babyramone · 25/06/2007 14:01

That should be Thrawn b....

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Walnutshell · 28/06/2007 08:16

Oh dear, I can see why you are struggling to cope. Why doesn't dh listen if you talk to him? Sorry I can't say more, ds battling with my hands as I type.
Good luck.

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Babyramone · 02/07/2007 10:35

Hi walnutshell, sorry for delay. When I try to talk to dh and tell him how I feel etc the conversation always leads to critism of me.
I had a small debt on my CC £800 and he went balistic. He found out by opening my mail. He now regulary demands to see my CC statement and as have nothing on haven't had one for while he says Iam showing unwilling and ruining the family.
Basically if I SAY I'm unhappy with something I get blasted with past mistakes. I can tell you he knows how to hold a grudge.
He has a band which play reg gigs (3 this weekend)and goes to gigs alot (tbh I don't mind as like my space and I know his music is everything to him)but I feel he still has his single or before kids at least life style.

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bubblepop · 02/07/2007 14:04

hiya,everythin can be a real struggle if you've got bronchitis,you are basically gasping for breath just moving about, please go to your docs soon. from your post, i think there may be some unresolved issues between you two ,it seems as if you resent each other for something? if you thought he was fab dad/husband,yes it would irritate the hell out of you cos he trashes the place whilst you are away, but i don't think you would be dwelling on it as much,everyones partner does things the other does't like. you need to find time to talk to him soon and somehow get him to listen to you...its petty that he is punishing you for this bit of cc debt,tell him that you know he has your best interests at heart but he could find a way of telling you without making you feel so small..