that 'imprisoned' feeling ...

[Pobblestoes]

Fairly new to Mumsnet and considering the other serious problems discussed under this topic I feel a bit ashamed posting this, but here goes ... .

My 3.5 yr old started nursery school full time last September and although I do have more time now, I'm feeling depressed at the thought that every weekday at 3.30 pm for the next decade at least, I will have to be at those school gates. Don't know why I should feel so despondent about this but I do! Feel very 'hemmed in' at the moment. I'm not (and never will be) a whizz career woman but I'm not finding being a sahm particularly fulfilling either (although there are some very rewarding aspects to it of course). Just feel at a dead end.

Does anyone else feel like this, because it's really getting me down? Any thoughts anyone?

[hunkermunker]

I totally understand. How do you feel about going to work part time? Let a family member (if they're nearby) or a childminder pick her up two days a week while you're at work, maybe?

[wotzsaname]

agree with hunker, anything repetative would drive the most cheerful person into depression. After school clubs, when they are a little older are great, so are regular pick up shares.

[hunkermunker]

And of course, when she's older, she'll be going to play at friends' houses, maybe going to after school club as Wotzsaname says.

[Pobblestoes]

Thanks! Good to know there are other 'after hours' Mumsnetters about! Yes, I know that I could organise some other options - it's just that I live abroad so no family about, and my husband travels alot, so I'm the main provider of childcare and this is not likely to change. Also, because my work is not very highly paid, I'm not sure I could cover the cost of a childminder. In addition, my dd has been ill with quite a few viruses recently and I don't like handing her over to a stranger in those circs. Which is just a whole list of negatives as to why I can't change things I know!! It takes a lot of dynamism to make these things work - energy that I just don't seem to have right now. I'm very lucky compared to many others, just seem to have no 'get up and go' to change things because I don't know where I'm going to iykwim .... I know it's selfish to feel this way but it's like all my options have narrowed down so much that I feel as though I'm suffocating.

[hunkermunker]

Again, I know that feeling too. I had more options with childcare than you, since we live near both sets of grandparents.

How about trying to work when DD is at school, so that you're doing other things while she's there - then maybe picking her up won't be such a chore - if it fits in with your hours?

Or plan your week so that you drop her at school, then go off and do nice things for yourself at least twice a week? Trip to a gallery, lunch with friends, haircut, walk in a local beauty spot, spot of novel reading? Then perhaps once a week you could aim to do a job you've been putting off? I always feel much better when I've sorted out a drawer and chucked out a load of old knickers, etc

[Pobblestoes]

Any other thoughts anyone? - bumping shamelessly. Does anyone else feel kind of trapped and that their most meaningful part of their lives are over (even though its meaningful in a different way now)? Got to the stage now where I daren't even plan nice things to do for myself anymore because something always happens (with husband's job or someone's ill) that means I have to cancel. Although I love my dd to death, it's demoralising when you feel that you not in control of your own destiny.

[Pobblestoes]

Oops sorry Hunkermunker - looks like I'm ignoring your helpful suggestions - I'm not, I'm really grateful and its good advice that I'll try and follow! I'm just unused to feeling this down about things as normally I'm a very enthusiastic person. Bumping again ....

[flimflam]

I know just what you mean. I have anxiety with some depression and it stems from just this. My LO is 2.5 and I have rarely been away from him his whole life (you can count the time and the hours wouldn't add up to much) and we don't have relatives around to help out. We are going to move to be near to them because I start to panic when I think that I am alone in this (DH is great but works a lot and only ever does about 5% of the household stuff!). I wouldn't let myself consciously think about how hemmed in I felt and of course it is all just bubbling under the surface even if you don't respond to it which leads to the anxiety and depression which I feel guilty for because in relative terms I have an easy life with few worries. Silly isn't it!

[DizzyBint]

i think what helps is having things to look forward to. not particularly big things but just something nice, maybe a bit different, at least once a month or every other month. so every month there's just 4 weeks or so until something good. otherwise things can get hum drum and repetitive. can you talk to your dh about it? can you set some plans in place?

[Pobblestoes]

Thanks FF. It's a cliché I know, but it really does help knowing that you are not the only one that feels like this. I think you have hit the nail on the head! We feel guilty for feeling this way and the guilt compounds it all. And when you look to the future, you don't see it getting any better, but feel as though you shouldn't complain!!

Good idea DB. I've tried to do this in the past but had to cancel because of illnesses etc and so I must confess that I have given up a bit. My DD has been ill so many times recently and I've had to cancel so many arrangements with my girlfriends that I think they are losing their trust in me or they just think I'm mad! However, must try again I know.