This isn't right is it?

[NutterlyUts]

For roughly a year I have been feeling not like "me". I have good weeks and bad days/weeks. Around Easter last year it was kind of bad and I did have a few days where I struggled out of bed and often what the point in life was.
Then this summer was bad and I struggled to leave the house (in fact I think I managed it about 1/4 of the times I was supposed to).
Am finding it bad again. I struggle to get up in the mornings and often feel what is the point? I rarely get dressed unless I have to and I burst into tears over practically nothing (which is very unlike me as I am not one to show emotion). The crying has happened roughly since September. It also occurs on "good" days if someone asks if i'm coping, which I think I barely am.

I can't think of a reason of why I feel so ugh, and TBH I kind of feel like a fraud since there isn't really a reason WHY I should feel like this.

I am considering phoning in sick tomorrow to placement (am a student nurse) and going to see a GP, but I'm not sure if thats the right course of action?

[NutterlyUts]

Anyone?

[Tortington]

its strange isn't it. i have periods of feeling low and feeling fraudulent. but i dont go t the gp becuase i feel perfectly justified and think that the pills aint gonna make it better.

so with that justification you should go to doctor - you feel low - no explicable reason for it - maybe it is a chemicle balance thing?

[marthamoo]

Sounds like the right course of action to me. See your GP and explain exactly as you've explained it here - emphasise this has been a long term thing, not just post-Christmas blues.

You don't need a 'reason' to feel bad - sometimes you just do, and it's nothing to be ashamed of. I don't know how you feel about anti-depressants but they have helped me enormously in the past - they help you get on with the day-to-day stuff without everything seeming such an enormous, insurmountable effort.

Don't go on like this anyway. There is help there but you have to take the first step and ask for it. Good luck.

[threelittlesnowdrops]

Couldn't read and not post.

I'm no expert on this subject, and can only offer my own experiences but have been feeling similar to you. I would suggest going to see your GP as soon as you can. I have recently started taking ADs and had a referral for CBT. I have been feeling this way for about a year, but haven't quite been myself since the birth of dd nearly 17m ago. I realised I could keep explaining away the things that were upsetting me and setting me off, but ultimately I realised I wasn't dealing well with things. Having asked for help I do feel more hopeful and positive. Hope you will too.

[PeachesMcLean]

Hi nutterly, go to the GP. Again, I'm no expert, but sounds like depression to me. You shouldn't have to carry on like that and your GP should help. You're not a fraud. that's depression for you.

[NutterlyUts]

Thanks everyone. Its mental. Just seeing posts has made me want to cry.

I want out from under this black cloud, but I am still reluctant to see the GP.. I am very scared s/he's just going to tell me to get lost.

I'm 19, at uni - I should be having the time of my life not feeling utterly crap and wondering what the point of life is.

Re ADs - I am open to anything that'll make me feel like ME again.

[Tortington]

GP wont tell you to get lost. dont worry - make an appt tomorrow xx

[NutterlyUts]

I guess I need to be brave.

Will post on here to let you know what the Dr says. Thanks for being so nice to me and not telling me to get lost despite not being a mum

[myturn]

Absolutely see your GP. When you get to the point that you realise there is no reason to feel this way it is time to see the Doc. I know how you feel. I used to make all sorts of excuses for the way I felt - used to actually create reasons for feeling so crap. Eventually realised there was nothing wrong with my life and there was no reason to feel the way I did. That was when I got help and was the best thing I ever did. Don't feel a fraud - it is medical/hormonal or whatever and absolutely not your fault. And it can be helped. See your GP. xx

[chubbleigh]

Have you got support available to you through your college or uni? If you need to talk about how you feel or what you are experiencing is effecting your studies I am sure they will be able to offer you help and support. Going to the docs is the right thing to do. Hope you feel better soon.

[mamama]

I think you should see your doctor... if it makes you feel less alone, there have been a few other threads about this recently:

this one springs to mind but if you search in Feeling depressed there may be other threads that help you.

Please let us know how you get on.

Take care, x

[NutterlyUts]

Went to the Dr and TBH I didn't find it that helpful. I showed her a copy of my post, and promptly burst into tears.

She told me to contact my personal tutor and to find out what the Uni can do for me, and wants to see me next friday for a double appointment for a chat. I know this IS a step in the right direction, it just doesn't feel like one right now =(

[Kelly1978]

It is a step in the right direction though, and since she wants you back means they will do soemthing for you even if it isn't necessarily ADS. Well done for going, and do keep the next appointment. xx

[NutterlyUts]

Am contacting my personal tutor at the moment. This is so hard for me as I don't usually open up about my feelings, and I feel so bad having to talk about them to everyone.

[whywhy]

NutterlyUts I had my first experience of depression when I was a 19 year old student and like you I thought there was no particular reason for it. Sometimes we just feel like we are struggling and it is ok to feel like that.

Make sure you go back to the gp. They will offer you help whether it be ads, counselling or both. When I felt so bad that I didn't leave the house and even getting dressed seemed a monumental task I would try to concentrate on my physical health. It helps you feel like you are doing something positive to help yourself and the healthier you are the easier it will be to deal with the depression. I only did small things like cutting alcohol and caffiene right down, eating fresh fruit and veg and I even got a yoga book and would do yoga in my bedroom.

Talk to your tutor, it will be in total confidence and I am sure they will understand. You have taken the first steps to getting support. Well done.

[myturn]

Not talking about how you feel only makes things worse. Opening up about it is definitely the first step to getting better. Well done for taking that first step - it's by far the hardest one.

[NutterlyUts]

Have finally told my parents (I don't live with them or even remotely near them) and they have suggested going back to Jersey and leaving England, which I have to say is very appealing, because rightly or wrongly, I blame England and Uni for my problems since I have had issues from day one with nasty mentors, extreme homesickness and being shoved from pillar to post with accomodation.

The only thing I am reluctant over is my course as I have completed almost 1/2 of my course and it seems a waste to leave now, but conversely I don't feel I can stay.

I am looking into the Open University and the courses available locally before I commit myself to anything concrete.

My tutor hasn't replied yet and I think it'll be monday before she reads the email.

I have to say I feel very calm right now, especially at the thought of going back home. I have cried for almost the entire morning and each time I got an email from my mum it set me off again, but I do feel a lot better now

[Tortington]

take a year out? get it together - and have the choice of going back - or moving uni

[NutterlyUts]

With my funding being from Jersey I loose it all together if I don't continue the course straight on continously, and I don't qualify for the NHS funding either. So any decision I make has to be 150% certain as there is no going back (well I'm sure I could restart year 2 but it would be funding myself for all finances including internation tuition fees)

That said, the more I think about it the more I am sure that leaving is the right thing to do, but I am trying to find out who I need to speak to at the uni before I make a concrete decision.

Its weird. All morning I was a mess with crying and generally feeling crap, but as soon as this was given as an option, It all fell into place and I feel calm finally

[Tortington]

yay! glad there seems a resolution. listen - its never ever too late to learn - you can be a rocket scientist at 65 if you want ( money allowing) so dont sweat it!

[CheeryGarcia]

Hi NutterlyUts. Are you prepared to tell us which Uni you're at? I've worked in a few and know my way around. The Uni should have a student advice service and, more than likely, a counselling service, which is usually free. These days personal tutors tend to be there for academic advice and support rather than personal/pastoral support with specialist (and properly trained) support for students who are struggling with non-academic issues. Even if you decide to leave I'd talk to a trained student adviser first about your options. If you let me know which Uni I can help you find the right person for you to talk to, if you like.

Do you lose your Jersey funding just for this year or for the remaining period of study if you decide to resume your degree later? Seems bloody harsh if it's for the rest of your course!

[queenofpuddings]

Hi utterlynuts, i was feeling exactly the same as you when I was 19 and at uni. I couldn't understand what was wrong with me as I had no reason to feel depressed.
My Dad noticed a change in me and suggested I go to the GP as he thought I had clinical depression as he himself suffers from depression.
It was such a relief to find out what was wrong with me, I did have clinical depression and was prescribed AD's. I have since discovered its really common and noone likes talking about it.
You might not have, but if you do, its really manageable. Thera is an organisation called AWARE who have more info.
Hope this helps, your post brought back memories of me at 19. xxx

[queenofpuddings]

oops, posted your name wrong, soory didn't mean to think you were utterlynuts either.

[NutterlyUts]

Hi CheeryGarcia.

Yes I lose my Jersey funding full stop. It is harsh but then If I was to continue and graduate, I wouldn't pay a penny of it back.

Am at Bournemouth Uni (not for much longer!!)

[CheeryGarcia]

Hi there. BU has a FREE Counselling Service for their students and you can refer yourself. Your Student Union has an Advice Centre and they will talk you through the options and what you need to do if you're leaving. HTH.