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Mental health

Why can't I stop worrying about dd........

10 replies

StupidlyWorrying · 08/01/2007 21:58

I've changed my name as don't want to be recognised in RL and for people to know how i feel like i am barely coping some days.

Can't say too much about what's going on with me as i'll give myself away but am under extreme stress and pressure.

Have been for some time now and it is all pretty much as a result of other people's actions.

I just feel like I am constantly battling problem after problem - real daily problems not just daily issues that are magnified altho running out of milk can be enough to drive me to tears!

Anway, I am completely obsessed that my LO is going to stop breathing in the night. It's always been an issue but it's getting worse. LO has suffered some breathing issues which hasn't helped!

I check several times in the evening. I listen at the bedroom door, I go in and put my hand on the chest if I can't hear anything.

The anxiety is doing my head in. When I go to bed I have to steel myself to use the bathroom before checking at the door.

Once I go to bed I do sleep, it's not so bad I check in the night altho I would if I woke up.

I'm a lone parent and it's a struggle.

Someone tell me I am being stupid but I am petrified truly petrified. I know it's ridiculous but I can't stop crying during the evenings..........

thanks for getting this far!

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Beauregard · 08/01/2007 22:13

Sorry to hear your having a rough time of it!
Are you depressed?
You certainly sound like you are .
You are not stupid!
As parents anything happening to our children is our biggest fear and if your lo has had breathing issues before then obviously you are more inclined to worry .
Do you feel compelled to check on her constantly though?
Just remember that anxiety will make any compulsion/worry worse.
Can you see your GP?

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StupidlyWorrying · 08/01/2007 22:21

thanks pelvic, i don't know if i'm depressed tbh.

people keep telling me they don't know how i cope and i just feel like i don't know any other way.

maybe i'm just such a control freak i can't even lose it probably. some days i'd love to lose it but i honestly don't know how without putting my LO thru something bad.

i've got great support but i just need something good to happen.

i've seen a counsellor but i ended up feeling very judged and to blame for my situation.

i just feel like if something good happened and some of the crap stopped i'd be fine.

most of the time i am okay, but i can't shake the fear.

i can leave it a couple of hours but then the compulsion to go up is huge. i can wait for the next ad break but then i sprint up there!

i listen at the monitor loads too but LO breathes so quietly some nights!

i normally know what to do in most situations but by this time of night my head is thumping and i just want to relax...

feel like i'd be negligent if i didn't check and worry tho.

if i wasn't me i'd slap me!

thanks for responding tho.

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Beauregard · 08/01/2007 22:28

You sound like a stronger person than i am,it takes a lot to cope with children on your own.
Not sure what else to suggest really ,im not very good at this typing and thinking lark!
I do think that you need some help from your gp if the anxiety is that bad,would you take medication if it was offered?
I do know what it is like to feel compelled to check something though and it is not nice.

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StupidlyWorrying · 08/01/2007 22:43

because i feel like i am dealing with the fall out from other people's actions i don't feel like medication/ads would help me.

but i can feel the anxiety and desperation growing tho.

watching ER isn't helping LOL!

today is a bad day tho, i am pre-menstrual and someone i relied on let me down heavily.

thanks for listening. going to try and crash now. got an important meeting tomorrow so must stop crying!

i just want to pick the baby up and have a cuddle - but that's just me wanting some comfort.

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Beauregard · 08/01/2007 23:06

Your gp may not prescribe ad's maybe something else but if you feel it's not right for you then thats ok. I got fed up going down the medication route so i sort of know what you mean.
If you need to chat then im usually around of a n evening if dd2 allows me
Im off to bed now too if dd will settle for long enough.[hopeful emoticon]
Hope things seem a bit brighter in the morning!
xxxx

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wildwomanofborneo · 08/01/2007 23:13

I understand your anxiety - I also used to check my dd constantly - and she has no breathing problems.

I don't think you're depressed personally - I think this has turned into a habit that you're frightened of breaking for fear that this would inevitably result in your worst fear being realised. Sounds more like a form of obsessive compulsive behaviour to me.

Maybe it's a case of trying to limit your checking to so many times per night and gradually lessening until you just check maybe half an hour or so after their bedtime then when you go up and if you should happen to get up in the night, of course look in on them.

This gradual weaning process worked for me with minimal worry really.

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jampots · 08/01/2007 23:35

im the same as well - I always go and check on my children before I go to bed - literally - I will do it when i turn this laptop off, then i will go to bed. if i need the loo in the night i also go in to check on them. it can be very wearing and as wildwomanofborneo has said i think its borne out of fear of breaking the routine (although i am the worst routine keeper in the world otherwise).

I have to say when i read about little maude I was filled with absolute horror at the thought of ggg finding her and how she must have felt/be feeling. That after all is all our worst fears come true

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MrsJohnCusack · 08/01/2007 23:51

the checking does sound like OCD. OCD can be obsessive thoughts as well as (or without) checking behaviour - this is what my DH suffers from, he was plagued by obsessive thoughts causing him unbearable anxeity, as was I when I had PND.
You can have OCD with or without depression, and the horrible pressure of having OCD can also lead to depression.
I think lots of us go through that worry with small children, but when it continues and starts to overpower you, then it is a problem.
DH is now much, much better, thanks to a GP who intervened, changed his ADs and got him referred to the mental health team which lead to a course of CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) which helped SO much. He had to wait blardy ages for it, but it was worth it. Can you talk to your GP do you think? ADs may help but it was ADs in conjunction with the CBT that sorted out my DH, to the great benefit of ALL of us. The CBT helps you understand your behaviour and learn ways of challenging it, dealing with it, and changing it.

sorry am waffling but I know how awful it is to be plagued by thoughts, it's coming back for me a bit now I'm nearing the end of pregnancy and reminding me what a state I was in when I had PND.

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ILoveDolly · 08/01/2007 23:57

i generally have to check on dd several times before i can sleep, lurking by the cot. i often have dreams and day dreams about terrible visions of accidents that might befall us and then worry about them despite myself. i find that you/one must address any personal depression because that spills over into creating irrational anxieties. i think its a sort of displacement and is really easy to do especially when you are on your own with the baby (my dh works away most of the time so we are often on our own). this probably will sound a bit trite but have you tried some meditation or relaxation sessions in the evenings. i find a nice bath helps, with chocolate, to put me in a more positive frame of mind and stop me thinking of terrible fates that could befall us. i have also started a diary because it is much easier to be rational about your fears and worries when you see them written down.

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StupidlyWorrying · 12/01/2007 21:01

Hi All

Thanks so much for your replies, sorry I haven't responded sooner.

I saw my counsellor the other day and I brought this up. He explained it as seperation anxiety because of the other issues that are stressing me out.

The last two nights I have tried really hard not to be so obsessive. One night tho I couldn't hear anything and I went in and still couldn't hear anything.

When I put my hand on the chest there was a sudden huge intake of breath - afaik this happens thru the night and could be quite normal but it freaked me out!

Thanks again for all your responses, I really appreciate it.

I don't particularly like this counsellor and think I should be more pro-active and try to find another. But it's GP referral and I don't know if I'm allowed to say this.

Again, thanks for taking the time to give me some perspective and personal experience.

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