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Mental health

Help needed please - panic attacks when leaving 9month old dd

6 replies

TearingMyHairOut · 01/10/2006 10:20

Hi I am looking for some advice for a friend of mine who has recently returned to work from maternity. Everytime she leaves her daughter (with dh or parents) she is convinced something bad is going to happen and has panic attacks. This happens if the work phone is in use as she fears somethings will happen and they can't contact her, and if she sees an ambulance she's convinced it's dd. DD has slept in own room for months but mum now crying when putting to bed and leaving alone at night. She has seen her Gp and he has tested fro depression and pnd but says it's not that - it's more anxiety. However he still offered her anti-depressents and she has been put on a waiting list for counselling (six month waiting list!). She doesn't want to take medication, and wondered if there are any herbal type recommendations? I would also really appreciate advice from anyone who could offer suggestions as to how she can deal with this and help herself or how others can help her.

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emmatom · 01/10/2006 10:32

All I can offer is I suffered similarly with my first baby.

I had terrible seperation anxiety if ever I had to leave him - convinced that unless I was looking after him, he wouldn't be 100% safe.

Totally irrational thoughts went through my head.

All I can assume is that my hormones were playing up and over time things got better. I didn't take pills, just talked things over with my health visitor.

I don't know about your friend, but I was an older mum (32 at the time) who was in the Police, so, as my health visitor suggested, it could have been that I was more aware of the terrible things in life, and that, mixed with my hormones, produced the anxiety.

I can only offer reassurance that in time, it will get easier. If it doesn't, then perhaps your friend needs to revisit her Doc.

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ihateexercise · 02/10/2006 09:49

SO much sympathy for your friend. I had very similar feelings. Is husband pressurising her to work? Or do they need the money that badly? It is not worth anything sacrificing one's health and well being at this crucial time in this way. My advice would be stay at home till she feels comfortable, move to a smaller flat, borrow the money, anything. This is a very fragile time, go back to work when she is ready, it will happen it will just take time- maybe another year- but to enjoy the first part of one's child's life is more important than almost anything. Try the Tavistock, you can get therapy for free as they are doing a lot of research on new families. Anxiety is serious stuff, if she had a broken leg or cancer she would not force herself to work, she must give herself a break. It will get better, she must not think- if I don't go back now I never will- this is simply not true, she will start to gain in confidence and as she sees her child gain in independence her feelings will change. All the best, big hugs to your friend- I really know how she's feeling- i would be in floods just going to the hairdresser.

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TearingMyHairOut · 02/10/2006 20:37

Husband is not pressurising her to work, in fact told her to give it up, but she feels that would be running away from the problem and ultimately make it worse

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ihateexercise · 02/10/2006 20:47

That is simply not true. Parenting is an ever changing organic thing and do not let her put herself under unneccesary pressure. It is not running away, it is looking after herself and her family. Things will change, she mustn't do the stiff upper lip nonsense, she is obviously a sensitive person and this is something to treasure not drum out of her. She will change as time goes on- just remind her- she must love her life in order to be a good mum/ wife/ human/ she can never have this time again- she'll be working for decades in the future, who cares about one less year in the hum drum of work. Anxiety and panic are very treatable, I can find some details if it would help- I have quite a lot of contacts in this field, where is she based, what can she afford? All the best and again things change with time and care.

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TearingMyHairOut · 02/10/2006 20:56

we are based in cornwall, any extra info would be greatly appreciated

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RufusLittle · 03/10/2006 15:04

It might be worth asking your friend if she has any kind of private health care through her job or her DH's job. I have been suffering from anxiety and panic attacks and my manager suggested counselling. I spoke to my GP and he was able to give me some details of a counsellor in my area, although it isn't through the NHS. It is £35 for a 50 minute session and the health care scheme i have through work are going to reimburse me. i hope she feels better soon and i agree with ihateexercise, no point in going back to work if it is making her feel like this.

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