Have I got pre-natal depression or am I just tired?

[anonymoustoday]

Don't know if I've got a problem or this is just normal....

Am currently 7 months pg with my 2nd. Due to constantly having to get up in the night to go to the loo (already! God, what's it going to be like by the last month?) - I mean 6 or 7 times at the moment - I am completely exhausted and consequently am an utterly useless lump. I have screwed up completely at work (missed a really important meeting last Monday and am in big trouble, but have been hopeless over the last couple of months anyway - forgetting to do loads of stuff, getting dates muddled up etc.
Feel like everyone hates me (actually I have good evidence for this judging by some pretty unpleasant emails I have been sent lately!) and can't stop crying.
I really don't know how much longer I can go on like this. I had depression about 15 years ago when I was a student and it's all starting to feel very familiar, (though I've been fine since then); when I'm on my own at home I go and cry in the wardrobe in the dark and I was fantasising today about running away, only I couldn't do anything to hurt dh and dd....
It's just been so hard this pregnancy as everyone expects you to just carry on as normal and I just can't.

[wheelsonthebus]

tbh, it sounds quite normal, but why don't you have a look at the www.depression-in-pregnancy.org website and see what you think. Sometimes you can get some counselling from a midwife, tho I think it's only Bedfordshire which has really got its act together on this.

[bossykate]

right. go down to the doctor and explain the situation and get yourself signed off for a rest. do it today or first thing tomorrow. whether it's depression or not a rest will make you feel better and your gp will know how to treat the depression.

also pls remember that the range of symptoms in a normal pg is very wide, e.g. some people don't experience much sickness some have it very badly - equally some women will experience more fatigue than others. i think the "carry on as normal" brigade must have experienced the easier end of the scale.

i didn't sleep for the last 4 months of my last pg and i longed for dd to be born so i get more sleep at night. so i understand exactly what you're going through.

get a cert from your dr and have a few days off to rest!

good luck and hth

[anonymoustoday]

Thanks Wheelsonthebus and Bossykate.
It's so hard to see things clearly at the moment - it hadn't crossed my mind to get signed off work just for a rest.

[queenceleste]

Dear anonymoustoday,
All the best to you for a really tough time, I agreewith bossykate, you need to do whatever you can to get some rest. Sleep deprivation has so many detrimental affects.
Hope things get better soon for you and that the time passes as quickly as possible.
qc

[divastrop]

i have been diagnosed with AND (5th pg,16 weeks gone) and some of the things sound similar to how i was feeling a few weeks ago,such as feeling everyone hates you,feeling hopeless and wanting to run away.i think u should see ur gp as well.
it could be just the lack of sleep causing it,but u need a rest either way.

[Flamesparrow]

I agree with the others. Get signed off, get some rest. My 2nd pregnancy was sooo much more exhausting than the first, and that was without working.

Keep up whatever childcare you normally have so that you CAN rest and you aren't looking after another one.

Hopefully you can get 2 weeks off (that seems to be the average for pregnancy related stress rest)... if you're not feeling any brighter after 7 -1 14 days then see someone again.

Oh, tell your DH EXACTLY how you are feeling too... it helps so much.

[wheelsonthebus]

ps everyone clearly doesn't hate you ...look at all these messages of support

[Flamesparrow]

Oh yes - I very much doubt that anyone hates you, let alone everyone

[anonymoustoday]

Just cried on the phone at my dh when he rang up to say he's forgotten the shopping list and got me to read it out to him, so hopefully he will have got an inkling.

Thanks wheelsonthebus - it's only people at work I was worrying about hating me - I know my friends & family & dd don't . (Actually to be fair I think it's only about half the people at work who are pissed off - ie the ones who haven't been pregnant themselves....)

I'm seeing the midwife on Monday but I suppose I need to see a GP to get signed off, or can the midwife get a GP to write the note?

[Flamesparrow]

GP would be better.

Telling your DH everything really will help - I kept crying on DH over little things, and he assumed I was just tired and emotional... then we had one night where it all came tumbling out in gasping for breath, choking on tears hysterical conversation - he suddenly understood how big it had gotten - men are simple creatures... they don't understand hints or subtlety most of the time... they need it spelling out in words of one syllable

[laundrylover]

Hi Anon,

I had a bout of depression in my second pregnancy too. My GP was great and said that I should think about the depression as normal and a part of life so for instance if you need to cry just do it and then feel better - does that make sense?? I wasn't working but she stressed the importance of rest (difficult with a toddler eh?) and support from family. I had a follow up appointment and was feeling much better so we didn't discuss ADs but she did say that they were an option if I wanted them.
BTW I have been much better post natally but i tell you, when that sleep deprivation kicks in now and again I feel myself sliding back down. The most important thing is to recognise how you feel and talk about it like you are now.

[bossykate]

hello there. hope you have made appt to see your gp today!

[anonymoustoday]

Hi Bossykate. Thanks for being bossy, it's great
Yes I have made an appointment to see GP on Wednesday - I've just seen the midwife for a routine check and she was lovely and sympathetic and said that getting up 6 times in the night is not normal at this stage and sent my sample off in case it's an infection (TMI, sorry!) though she said it could equally just be the baby being active and being in an awkward position. She also suggested getting signed off work for a bit.
DH has been really sympathetic (though I hate worrying him - OTOH at least if I'm grumpy he knows it's not him). We're also considering my starting maternity leave early to take the pressure off - may be an option.
Thanks everyone for your support - it is so helpful.

[helling]

Hi there
If and when you decide to go back to work after your rest - sounds like your work hasn't been too sympathetic to your situation, either! Last thing you need if you're already feeling vulnerable. If you are getting nasty emails this is bullying, it is unacceptable and your manager should put a stop to it. You could also ask for a lighter load at work, you should have had a risk assessment identifying risks - which include excessive stress and impact on emotional wellbeing. It is nothing to be ashamed of to ask for a lighter load, it is actually your right as a pregnant woman to have your pregnancy taken into account. Sorry to sound so militant, feeling a bit feminist today! Take care and rest.

[bossykate]

good luck at the dr today

[Flamebat]

Good luck

[anonymousagaintoday]

Hi everyone.
Doctor was lovely - she insisted on signing me off for a month which is long enough to meet the personnel dept's rules about bringing mat leave forward (ie they want a month's notice of changes to the dates of leave).
I am psyching myself up to telling my head of department now.
Helling, I agree they're not being very sympathetic at work - it's actually the Head of department and deputy HoD who are the biggest problems (well, they are men). Partly it's my fault because when they've asked previously how the pregnancy was going I've said 'oh, fine' (because in a sense it is going fine, and also because I don't feel like discussing my urinary habits with them; the last time they asked was over a month ago, though, when I was only waking up 2 or 3 times); on the other hand surely it ougth to be obvious that there just MIGHT be a reason why I'm not working to my usual level.... Oh well.
I no longer think I am depressed - am still crying a lot but now I can see things more clearly it seems more likely that it's just the consequences of sleep deprivation and if I can accept that and deal with it I don't need to worry so much about sinking into the bottomless pit.
Thank you so much everyone for listening & for the advice - it simply didn't occur to me before that I could get signed off work just for a rest.

[bossykate]

hooray!

now actually rest!

[bossykate]

btw, it is a case of your employers reaping what they sowed - my firm and especially my boss were great to me when i was suffering - as a result things didn't build up to the extent i needed to get signed off... if you are feeling up to it you might find a diplomatic way of mentioning this!

[Flamebat]

Yay!!!! Now do as the others said - and REST!!

(and tell us who you are because I want to keep an eye on you )