Overwhelmed by everything

[m1m1rie]

I am often reluctant to use the word 'depressed and it seems to get overused - sometimes we all feel a bit down, but that is a long way from depression. However, the way I'm feeling at the moment goes something like this - tired, despondent, total and utter lack of motivation (manage to get out of bed and off to work, but have very little inclination to do anything else). What's worse, is that I have found myself more and more frequently wishing I had never got married or had kids (I have 2). I love them to bits, but I keep thinking about how different (for that, read better) my life could have been if I had chosen a different path. I feel I am just here to make everybody else's life easier, and I have no purpose of my own. I am a passenger on DH's life as he pursues a high profile career (I have lived in 9 different houses and re-located to different parts of the country 4 times in 13 years). I feel I have no real roots, no quality of family life (DH works at least 10 hours weekdays and works every weekend, too) and no goals. On top of this I am totally overwhelmed by all that is expected of me as a home-maker, employee, wife and mother. My brain is like a drawer stuffed so full of things that it won't close and I am forgetting to do loads of things when I am usually a very organised person. But the bottom line is - I don't want to go to a doctor, I don't want to be put on antidepressants, but I know I do need help, counselling or some such. Can anyone suggest any alternative? I feel like I'm drowning.

[fussymummy]

I don't know that there is an alternative to antidepressants. Apart from getting rid of the husband and kids!!!!!! ONLY JOKING!!

I know so well how you feel.

I've tried all sorts of AD's, they do help, but i still feel like shit.

Moving so much won't help you, as you'll never settle and make good friends.

Must be awful for you and family.

I too, feel like i'm here for everyone else.

Saw my psychiatrist today and i've been told to leave the toys on the floor for a few hours and get out and do something for me.

Easy to say, but not always easy to do!!!

[iris66]

m1m1rie - I'm so sorry you feel like this and can empathise as I found myself in a similar positin 3 years ago. I found that counselling helped loads (but recognise that may not be for everyone) particularly as I too had moved loads and had few close friends living near enough to be able to help. It's not a quick fix but it certainly helped me to put things into perspective & start to value myself(and therefore make an effort to do things for myself) more. I hope things improve for you soon ((hug))

[m1m1rie]

I know. When all around you is chaos (as my house is at the moment) how do you ignore it? If I went off to do something 'for me' I would spend the whole time mentally ticking off all the things I should be doing... not much fun at all. What is the difference between a psychiatrist and therapist? I would like to talk to someone because I think an impartial view could help me, but, as I said, I would rather not have to go via a doctor - I don't really want permanent records of it.

[iris66]

m1m1rie -a friend of mine recommended the counsellor I saw. I suppose relate or some other charity would have details of qualified people in your area (yellow pages even? - though I'd check their credentials with their governing body first, can't be too careful). With regard to forgetting about the mess, what's the worst that would happen if none of it was done for a day? (and is that worst thing really so bad?) I used to compulsively clean & have to have everything perfect. Now I figure that if someone comes round to see me and a)the place is a tip, and b) they mind, thay actually aren't worth bothering with. HTH

[iris66]

by the way - who is telling you that you "should" be doing other things?....food for thought?

[swedishmum]

I can really sympathise with you. I often feel exatly the same - I gave up my job when we had three small children and dh has always spent lots of time abroad. I'd just started to get a bit of a life when along came surprise baby no. 4. It's the fact that my head has no space to think that really gets to me. There seem to be children around most of the day and night (can't send older ones to bed too early!). It's about being a service industry with no rewards. Everyone seems to have more quality of life than me, then I feel bad complaining because loads of people have much much harder lives than me. No help to you at all, but you're certainly not alone. Feel extra bad today as I yelled at ds just before school. What surprises me is the amount of time thankless tasks take on a relentless daily basis.