i don't really know what to say or what i'm hoping to hear. i think i just need to really ramble.
a few years ago i had a baby. bad birth. violent. abusive. i wound up with ptsd and pnd. drugs. talking therapy. emdr. it helped. we moved from the area last year but circumstances brought us back. i was doing so well before we left.
in the past two weeks I've seen a few people i associate with the birth. small towns, eh? each encounter leaves me breathless. usually trying to hide somewhere without vomiting. sigh.
i'd like another baby. i need another birth. the whole thing was taken from me. everything. all i ever wanted was to be a mother and i spent the first year trying not to commit suicide.
i can't let them touch me again. the next baby will be a free birth. no care, no hospital. i will do it all. i don't need them.
my anti depressant review is in 6 weeks with my gp. i need to switch to a pregnancy friendly one esp if i am going it alone. the one i'm on can cause problems at the birth. just thinking about having to meet with him has made me weepy. (and he's great- i do like him).
i'm so sick of this. i don't know what to do anymore. i've swung all day from feeling normal to feeling desperate and panicky. hanging out the washing had me sobbing. its all too much.
someone please tell me what to do. i don't really want any more medical intervention with anything. part of me wants to come off my anti-'ds so i don't have to deal with the establishment at all. i really hate them.
whats left anyway? isn't emdr fairly last resort for trauma?
i just want to curl up somewhere dark and quiet and just, i don't even know what.
i can't do this
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Mental health
i feel so lost
4 replies
3cupsoftea · 22/08/2014 22:40
OP posts:
Iwasinamandbunit ·
23/08/2014 12:01
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