Worried about a relapse

[FreckledLeopard]

Background: I have a long-term history of depression. I was on antidepressants for the most part of over a decade. I came off them entirely a year ago and have been fine since. Until this week.

I just feel 'odd'. It's not something I can put my finger on. I think it might be related to the subtleties of the changing season (it's beginning to feel autumnal here). I feel irritable, vacant, slightly spaced out and have a strange sense of foreboding. I can't really describe it more than that. I am fearful, but I don't know what of.

I'm sleeping ok, eating ok. Not tearful or anything. I don't feel low. But I don't feel right either.

I have no desire at all to go back on antidepressants or to go to the GP. I cannot allow myself to get into any kind of downhill spiral and going to the GP would, I think, be the start of a horrible journey.

Has anyone felt like this and then snapped back to normal again? I'm thinking it's just a temporary blip for a few days and that I should be ok again.

[FreckledLeopard]

bump

[FreckledLeopard]

Anyone?

[temporaryusername]

I really don't know, I imagine it could pass but I think you should be watchful. The fact that you say going to the GP would be the start of a horrible journey....does that mean you do think this could be the beginning of a bad episode? I read something by a doctor saying that in his opinion, people prone to anxiety can have times when the brain chemistry involved is 'active' and they need medication, it might be similar for depression. He spoke of one patient who needed meds for a short time each year, but it took the doctors a couple of years to see the seasonal pattern for her.

I hope you do feel better, but I wouldn't decide against the meds if you need them.

[FreckledLeopard]

I just don't want anything more to do with any kind of mental health service. Ever. I don't want to have to take medication for the rest of my life. I've been really good this year. Everything's been on an even keel. I've dealt with various stressful events.

I want to shake this feeling of foreboding. I think that if I go to the GP or consider going back onto antidepressants then that's the start of a potentially slippery slope. I just want to feel normal.

Maybe I'll wake up tomorrow and this weird feeling will be gone?

[JadeJ123]

I had depression when I was younger started taking anti depressants came off them was fine for a while then slipped back down. Recently I just feel numb though, not happy or sad just numb. Same boat as you with not wanting to go to the doctors.
Hope you feel better soon

[temporaryusername]

It's very encouraging you've done well off the meds this year - that probably means that even if you do have to take them again, it won't be always. As I said, some people just need them occasionally. I completely understand not wanting to go back on them unless you have to though, as you do normally stay on for a while. I wonder if you could go to the GP and tell him/her what you've been feeling but make it clear you're not ready to go back on the drugs at this point - my GP is good about saying that no-one can make you take anything. I think it would be ok just to go and put them in the picture so you're getting some monitoring.

Meanwhile yes, I really hope it will suddenly go. It might do. Perhaps something has prompted it subconsciously - bad memories for this time of year, or a recent incident?