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Mental health

is this pnd or just normal ?

39 replies

claire7471 · 19/09/2006 10:47

hi,

i'm new here, been reading threads on pnd as getting concerned about feeling very crappy off and on, can't decide if i've got pnd or am just (over)reacting to day to day events.....

on the one hand everything looks perfect. i've got a 5 1/2 month old boy, he's healthy, good natured, smiley, i've got a good bond with him and feel pretty confident i'm doing a good job looking after him. i wanted a child so much and my dreams came true. visitors and family are always saying how relaxed and competent i am, what a happy baby he is. i live with my partner, he's a good dad, i'm going back to work in a month two days a week and we're going to share childcare.not much money consequently but enough, there's so much good in my life and as my partner says 'there's nothing wrong, everythings fine'........ but....

there are times when i feel totally overwhelmed by everything i have to do, small tasks seem to defeat me, i'm constantly enormously irritated by my partner and pick fights that then leave me feeling devastated...just about anything can reduce me to tears, this morning not being able to get the lid off a jamjar, i've got aches and pains in my joints, i feel guilty about not being a good enough mum, being a horrible girlfriend, the house not being clean....i worry about things that might happen to my son when he's older, i worry about what would happen if i die, i've begun to avoid seeing other people just feel really stressed and uncomfortable making small talk, putting up a front, i don't know many people well round here..i'm not looking forward to going back to work at all, i've become preoccupied with the thought that i look really unattractive, to the point where it took me ages to get dressed and take baby for routine gp visit yesterday, getting waves of anger and hopelessness and exhaustion....but then i seem to be able to pull it together again and look back and feel a bit stupid.....i'm still looking after baby ok but it's as if all my energy goes into him and i have no resources left.......after big row and breaking down last night my partner is listening and taking me seriously but i don't know what to do, seem to have lost all sense of perspective, can't tell if what i'm feeling is normal or not....if this rings a bell with anyone please let me know...

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bakedpotato · 19/09/2006 10:56

Hello Claire, welcome.

Well, there may be some people who will say this is all very normal of course this is a stressful time but the fact that you're posting suggests you don't feel quite right. And you should, I think, take that feeling seriously.

I have to say your last paragraph does ring bells with me. Every bit of it. I had PND.

Have you told your GP/HV how you feel?

Have you done the Edinburgh Test?

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poppiesinaline · 19/09/2006 11:13

Hi claire7471 welcome.

I would have a chat to your HV or GP about how you are feeling and get them to do the Edinburgh Test as bakedpotato suggested.

I had depression and my main symptoms were the fatigue and aches and pains in my joints. I would def get yourself checked out.

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claire7471 · 19/09/2006 12:15

HI,

thanks for replying. my hv did the edinburgh test on me soon after birth but i was ok then. still got a copy and had a look at it, quite a few of answers have changed so i guess that says something. it's strange, having trouble getting a grip of how i actually feel as sometimes, like now, feel relatively normal if a bit washed out and achy but then another wave will hit....and there's an underlying jitteriness and lack of energy...to be honest it's like i've kind of lost track of what's normal for me...will prbably go and see someone soon...what happened with you two ? did you take a.d's, did they work ? could you feela difference ?

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bakedpotato · 19/09/2006 12:23

Definitely do test again, please make an appt to see someone soon. It doesn't have to be like this, honest.
Yes, ADs worked for me. But actually I felt less awful as soon as I realised there was something wrong with me, it wasn't just me being crap and a crap mother.
What you say about 'waves of it' is exactly how I felt. You think you're out of it, and then bam, it hits you again. So exhausting. But, as I say, it doesn't have to be like this.
Keep us posted, won't you?
x

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poppiesinaline · 19/09/2006 12:24

yes, I was put on ADs (only needed them for a short time) and I was much better.

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magnolia1 · 19/09/2006 12:42

Agree with everyone, do the test again. I did it at the beginning with my twins and felt fine but 6 months later was overwhelmed and ended up on Ad's. Definately helped me and also had pnd with dd4 and again took ad's for just over a year. She is now 3 and I am expecying number 5 but would not hesitate to get help if I feel the same again

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zippy539 · 19/09/2006 12:42

Hi claire - sorry you're feeling like this. I didn't have pnd so can't compare symptoms but I did have a post-birth trauma disorder sort of thing which left me feeling pretty much the way you describe. Was ds's birth dfficult at all? Just a thought.

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claire7471 · 19/09/2006 14:02

hi, no birth was relatively ok ( tho i did have two consecutive miscarriages in the year prior to this successful pregnancy) and it was all going so well in the first few months, i took to motherhood easily and was feeling very healthy and happy...it's good to hear that people have been able to get help and it hasn't stopped people having more kids....i seem to have some kind of weird idea in my head that if i'm feeling low i don't deserve to have children... in a way i feel guilty because i wanted a baby soooo much and had some problems with my partner and the two miscarriages to get through before this happy ending....and now i'm not coping....even writing that down makes me realise how stupid it is to feel guilty ! i've spent today so far sitting on the sofa drinking tea and feel ok as long as i don't contemplate trying to do anything else...ok i've made a decision, i'll make an appointment at gps now...thanks for the advice......

claire

p.s

what's the situation with anti d's and breastfeeding, i'll be weaning soon anyway but are the two incompatible ?

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magnolia1 · 19/09/2006 14:04

Not at all, there are some good Ad's that are compatible with Breasfeeding

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zippy539 · 19/09/2006 14:07

claire - really glad you've made an appointment . Let us know how you get on. Don't know about ad's and bf but someone will. So chuffed you've decided that enough is enough.

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Emskilou · 19/09/2006 14:16

Hi claire,

First would like to say well done for posting its a small step in the right direction. I was diagnosed with pnd when my dd was 8 months old, I was also pg with ds at the time so ads weren't strongly advised. I was referred to cbt (cognitive behavioural therapy), which helped enormously. Dd is 22.5 months now and ds is 7.5 months and I have just been prescribed ads, I am also bf my ds and they are fine for bf, they are called paroxetine btw.I am no way near like I was last year but I can recognise the symptoms and wanted to get hep before it got worse. Not sure if this helps you at all but I wanted you to know you are not alone and you are going in the right direction x

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claire7471 · 20/09/2006 09:59

Hi,

dragged me and baby into town and made an appointment for next monday with gp. feeling ok and pleased with myself for being proactive and trying to nip this in the bud. however when partner got home late told him what i'd done and he was very weird, ' you can't take medication if b.f' ( i told him i'd looked into it and obviously i wasn't going to do anything to harm baby) 'well you can't be that bad if you can go into town' and later, 'well is he safe at hiome with you...' at which point i lost it ( of course he is, i'm being responsible and trying to help myslef, i've explained i'm feeling bad, where's the concern and help and listening and reassurance) he ended on 'you're right there's defintiely somethibng wrong with you i can't be doing with this'.....fking what is going on there ? this is making me feel ten times worse....sorry for ranting just needed to tell someone ,

c

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Glassofwine · 20/09/2006 10:17

Hi Claire

Just wanted to say I think your doing brilliantly. I'm fairly sure that I had pnd after DD2 who is now 4 1/2 and I haven't really shaken it off. I've just in the last weeks come to terms with the fact that I have some mild/moderate depression. You are absolutely doing the right thing by nipping it in the bud. Just wanted to add that I was prescribed ad's but was put off when I saw the possible side effects and actually it made me feel better. However a couple of weeks later I realise that all is not ok, so have discussed St Johns Wort with my gp, who rates it highly. Apparently there have been clinicle trials and it is suitable for mild to moderate depression - it might be worth discussing as an option. You do, however need a fairly progressive gp as it is herbal.

Don't worry too much about DP - he's just worried about you and possibly overreacting. Try again to explain it to him calmly and don't let him watch Corronation Street as their storyline is ott.

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zippy539 · 20/09/2006 10:31

First off - well done for making the appointment and you are right to feel so chuffed that you are being proactive.

Re your partner - {angry} and . Please try not to let it get to you. In his defence, I remember dh was very weird when I told him I was going to see doc re the trauma thing (which at the time I thought was pnd). He didn't understand pnd, and was completely threatened by the whole thing. He also didn't have the advantage of having been on mumsnet ie he had no idea how common the condition is and the treatment options - in other words he was terrified that I had permanently lost my marbles and felt threatened and scared. He was really wary around me for ages (which was the last thing I needed at the time) but came around completely when I started to feel better (and was therefore a much nicer person to be around) . Course if I hadn't bit the bullet and gone for help (which he didn't want me to do particularly) then none of that would have happened. Duh. Now he's more informed he's go a totally different (and much more supportive) take on the whole thing.

Stick to your guns. Someone will be along with some better advice re dealing with dp but I just wanted to let you know that this type of reaction isn't entirely unusual. In the mean time feel proud of yourself for being so proactive.

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bakedpotato · 20/09/2006 13:52

Well done for making the appointment.

Re your partner, the difficulty with depression is it's almost impossible to understand unless you've had it yourself. It makes no sense to an outsider.

My DH was initially (like Zippy's) baffled/freaked out by the whole thing. Once I got diagnosed and put pamphlets in his hand and said, 'Look, please just make it easier for me,' he found it easier to cope with. He was (as I was) terrified that I'd get 'stuck' in the illness, but he had to make a real effort to be supportive. In the end, he definitely got it.

Can he come with you on Monday? I found that when DH came to one of my earlier GP appts, he really engaged with what was going on. Also then he could ask questions.

And show him this thread, and other PND ones.

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bungaloo · 20/09/2006 22:07

well done for making the appt - i felt exactly the same as you a month or so ago. i had completely lost my perspective on things and it led to huge, and i mean HUGE rows between me and dh. I've been on ADs for 7 wks now and i think some of my sense of perspective is coming back an d things are generally calmer between me and dh.. I felt a failure and almost ungrateful for needing help as on the surface out life appears so good - ie nice house, plenty of money beautiful baby, etc

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claire7471 · 21/09/2006 15:58

HI,

cheers for all replies, dh has come round a bit and your perspectives have helped me not feel quite so p8888ed off with him. feel ok again today but tired and aching all over ( maybe i just have something that makes you ache) am resisting the temptation to cancel the app as feeling a bit foolish today, it's sunny, baby being good, dh at home and we're not fighting or irritated.....i suppose it does come and go does it ?

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bakedpotato · 21/09/2006 16:07

Well, the blackness came and went for me.
That really confused me. I'd think I might be OK after all and then bam, it decended again, and the crushed hopes were so hard to bear on top of everything else.
Also, I remember that I'd often be very low first thing and at lunchtime, and then I'd gradually pick up and by the evening (when DH got home) I'd be feeling better, almost normal. All part of the mindmelt, for me.
Glad things are better today, anyway. Hope they stay good. Keep the appointment.

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orangina · 21/09/2006 16:21

Hi Claire....
I'm reading your thread with.... interest? horror? as you seem to feel exactly as I do at the moment, and I'm pregnant with #2. Definitely hits me in waves etc, when things are fine, I can't remember what all the fuss was about, but then when I drop in the black hole, it's almost exactly as you have (so brilliantly) described it... I've booked to see my GP next week, and I think I might print off your description and take it with me, as I seem only to be able to sum it up in sentences containing the words "crap" and "shit".... clearly sentence structure isn't improving as the pregnancy progresses! Did you feel fine during your pregnancy, or do you think you had some inkling that you might feel like this during your pregnancy? Am worried that I will feel even worse after the baby is born (in February), and it's all I can do to try to imagine getting through the next 4-5 months without having to worry what lies beyond....
Sorry, this isn't meant to be a hi-jack, just was struck by how your description of how you are feeling so closely matched how I'm feeling right now....

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codwiggle · 21/09/2006 16:21

are you pg orangina?
congrats.

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orangina · 21/09/2006 16:25

Thank you! Yes I am, 20 weeks, and not really enjoying it much ...

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KristinaM · 21/09/2006 16:33

I had some of the things you describe - irritable, exhausted, tearful, depressed, painful joints, muscle aches - after my second child. Turns out I had post partum thyroiditis. Can be diagnosed with a simple blood test. Your GP will prpobably take blood anyway to test for anaemia.

I couldn't get my hands to work properly - couldnt do up the poppers on sleepsuits or open jars

Just a thought......

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KristinaM · 21/09/2006 16:34

I was also thinking of either murdering or leaving my DH

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claire7471 · 23/09/2006 14:26

HI,

orangina i'm glad to be of help ! think i might have to print it out to tell my gp aswell as whenever i think about what am i going to say i start welling up, it must be hard being pregnant aswell but i'm sure gp will be able to help us both.... i was ok during pregnancy and for the first 5 months which i thought was going to be tougher than it was in reality...

it's defin itely coming and going though, have had an ok couple of days but today cried when i ran out of bread and am getting ridiculously stressed that baby won't try taking a cup tho it doesn't really matter as aren't back at work for another 5 weeks and even then only for 2 days a week. made me realise there is something wrong, tends to develop over the day and be worse when i'm alone tho partner will either make me feel better or send me off the deep end....over last weekend seriously thought i was going to leave him tho again that's a total overreaction as actually we're fine and he's doing his best for me (still lazy and messy but usually that don't bother me much !!)

so veering between thinking 'ther's nothing wrong i'm being melodramatic and silly' then wanting to go to bed and never get out. mum coming this evening to baby sit and supposed to be going down the roasd for a meal, usually this would be something i'd enjoy but to be honest i'd rather not see anytone and jsut go back to bed...glad it's nearly monday, apart form anytrhing else depression is very boring !

last thing i reasd it cabn come on due to hormonal changes when start having periods again, jsut about to have second period since birth...any experience with this ?

cheers claire

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Olihan · 23/09/2006 14:44

So many of the posts on here really struck a chord with me. I had all these feelings and symptoms when my dd (#2) was about 4 months old. I'd avoided pnd first time round, despite a history of depression, and my edinburgh test was fine in the early days with dd, then I just seemed to slide downhill, but not all the time, mornings and lunchtimes were awful but I picked up as the day went on. Some days I'd feel 'normal' again then be totally wrecked the following day. I finally phoned my hv and cried down the phone to her, she came the following day and redid the edinburgh which showed I was defnitely depressed, made me an appointment with the GP who ordered blood tests first of all, to rule out anything else. I had a phone call 2 days later to say I had to go back in and it turned out my thyroid wasn't functioning properly. My levels were really low but the symptoms were exactly the same as pnd. I'm so grateful that my gp was on the ball and did the blood tests first. I started on thyroxine straightaway and was pretty much back to normal within a week. I'll probably be on thyroxine for the rest of my life but it has no effect on bf and have no side effects once your dosage is correct, so it's a small price to pay.

Anyway, the whole point of that is to ask you to make sure you ask your gp to do a thyroid test. It's surprising how many women I've met since I was diagnosed who also developed it after giving birth. If my gp hadn't been on the ball I could easily have been given ad's (which I don't have a prob with, I took them in the past) but my thyroid problem could have had a lot more of an effect on my body if it wasn't identified and treated.

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