Could this be depression?

[whatsbehindthesofa]

i am really struggling to understand if I have depression or not. I have read up on the symptoms and i must say i am not consumed by great sadness at random moments of the day. It is more like, i walk around feeling empty and, by default, sad all the time. I function well at work, I am chatty and do my job as everyone expects. I can make decisions. But when I come home, I feel lost and like a different person completely.

I don't drink, smoke, or eat unhealthily. My friends call me a 'health nut' because i really take care of my diet and I am really into exercise. In fact, I manage not to feel so lost when i am running. I don't just go for a jog, I will run for 3.5 hours straight and I'm always counting my miles. Anything less then 10 doesn't seem enough.

On my days off work I do plenty of activity, I go on long hikes and socialise with my friends. I like to go to the extreme to feel things, extreme activities like skydiving.

I feel like I shouldn't have anything to be sad about. But I feel like this every day. I actually have started to dread every day because I know I can't shake it off. It's been going on for months.

i'm just confused to what I'm feeling as it doesn't seem to fall into the typical behaviour of a depressed person. Or maybe it does and I'm missing something.

Thank you.

[Snog]

Why not try counseling to try to find out what is behind these feelings?
It could be stiff from the past that is affecting you now. Are you in a relationship at the moment?

[Snog]

stuff not stiff

[whatsbehindthesofa]

I am not in a relationship at the moment, I split up from dp of 3 years back in October. It was my choice, there was no abuse/cheating, I just knew I was not "in" love and so I found the relationship a bit suffocating.

I have been casually seeing someone in the past month, when we are together I feel fine, no feelings of being empty. In fact, it's the opposite. When we are not together my feelings of emptiness are stronger than ever. This feels like such a disproportionate reaction but I cannot reign it in.

Thank you for replying :)

[Snog]

maybe stuff from your childhood is why you feel like this. What do you think about trying some counselling?

[LastingLight]

Read up on dysthymia. There doesn't have to be a specific reason why you feel the way you do.