Baby 8 days ago, now can't stop crying

[MrsPixieMoo]

I had a DD (my second child) by ELCS 8 days ago. Was a tough pregnancy during which I was on treatment for recurrent miscarriages. I had two miscarriages in six months last year and was quite low but my mood was good during the pregnancy. Since Saturday I can't stop crying. My DH says these are just baby blues, that I'm fine, that the world doesn't stop just because I feel like this, none of which has helped. I love my DD, am breastfeeding and awake a lot with her but I am scared of feeling so low. Just want to reach out and get some support tonight. My DH has gone to an important work thing. Nothing stops for his work and it was important he went but I would have loved a hug or some comforting words before he went. I hate feeling so needy. I can't walk far yet and need him to drive me to places. Today he was meant to drive me to the GP but he went out and forgot and told me off for not reminding him. I had been reminding him since Monday and twice today. He is tired too but I feel so alone and let down and scared of feeling so dark at what should be a very happy time.

[ilovehotsauce]

I have no words of advice but didn't want to read and run. A big unmumsnet hug! And please go see your gp as soon as you can but in the mean time do you want to give your midwife a call in the morning she can come out and have a chat with you. [Flowers]

[ilovehotsauce]

I have no words of advice but didn't want to read and run. A big unmumsnet hug! And please go see your gp as soon as you can but in the mean time do you want to give your midwife a call in the morning she can come out and have a chat with you.

[StampyIsMyBoyfriend]

It could be hormones, tiredness, lack of support... but please please speak to someone. They will be very understanding & even if it does turn out to be baby blues, just talking to someone will probably help a lot.

Keep chatting/moaning/anything you feel like on here, you are not alone! The middle of the night in a silent house, nursing a baby when you're shattered can be a lonely place!

[MrsPixieMoo]

Thank you so much. The problem is that my GP is very far away. My DH is in the military and I was meant to register with a GP as a temporary patient today so the midwife can hand me over to the local health visitor tomorrow. I'm so upset DH forgot.

I feel very lonely. Tomorrow there is a community midwife coming who I haven't met before (had DD at our permanent home's hospital) but I will tell her how I feel.

I feel scared. I keep thinking I won't be a good mother or that something will happen to my baby. I keep checking she is breathing.

[SilverStars]

Hi, having a difficult time to have a child with a c-section meaning a longer recovery time ( to drive etc) is tough. Why not tell the midwife you are struggling with not being able to drive, with dh being busy with work, and I am sure with exhaustion also. I had a c-section, lack of sleep as do many mums but until I experienced it I could not have understood it.

Can you find out how soon you can drive? It can be sooner than the standard time if recover. And get midwives and HV's to visit you until you can walk/drive there as your dh has shown he will not always remember if you need a lift.

I hope you can get some sleep - to me the thing at helped the most in early weeks.

[MrsPixieMoo]

Thank you. I am being visited at home but it's a temporary home until end Oct and I don't have a GP here so I can't get a health visitor until I do have a temporary GP.

I feel really let down by DH. I can't stop crying. Even reading bedtime stories tonight to my DD(3) she noticed and said 'you're nearly crying mummy' which made me feel really sad for not keeping it together. I can't stop thinking about the babies we lost and what they would have been like.

[MontserratCaballe]

Poor you. I am so sorry. Definitely get things in progress to get some RL support. Can you get a taxi to the GP of Dh can't take you?

Driving - ring your insurance co. the 6 week thing is a myth. When you are insured to drive friends solely on your insurance co. mine said with DS that as long as I felt comfortable to do an emergency stop I was fine yo drive. I was back in the car at 2.5 weeks and was fine.

Take care.

[MontserratCaballe]

With your dd its fine yo say mummy is tired because if the new baby. Take it really easy, watch tv together and don't expect too much of yourself.

[SilverStars]

Crying is part of grieving process, so do not worry about crying. It is ok to be sad I think. I have one child -waited 7 yrs for him and have miscarried two since then and cannot fall pregnant again and am old in fertility terms.

If you not managed to get to dr's can you get another appointment ASAP and ask the midwives to keep you on until you do. Do be honest and tell them your husband forgot and you do not feel supported by him now, they may be more helpful if know you away from home, have little support from dh ( perhaps he naively thinks you had children etc etc).

Whilst midwives usually discharge at 10 days they can keep you on longer. Mine saw me three times, discharged me at day 10 and HV saw me at day 16, despite the hospital having concerns ( I was quite ill). And if you need to you can call 111 and get an emergency out of hours appointment in the meantime for you or dc.

[MrsPixieMoo]

I could get a taxi. DH was home. He has paternity leave. He forgot yesterday and so I reminded him this morning and he said he'd take me this afternoon. At 1pm he went to buy milk. Was out for 3 hours and left his mobile at home. He said he was caught jn the rain and went to the cafe. When he got back it was too late as DD had to be collected from nursery. He told me it was my fault for not reminding him even though we'd talked about it three times this morning. I am sore from CS but think I could probably drive soon. I just feel so very awful and it scares me. I feel so alone.

[SilverStars]

Must be hard being away from your usual home. Hope tomorrow you can get practical things sorted. How nice for your dh to get three hours alone! Can see why it would frustrate you. Can you focus on how to get him to be with you and be supportive. Perhaps take the baby between sleeps tomorrow so you can sleep?

[MrsPixieMoo]

He always has time alone. Starts each day at the gym, goes for long walks, 'forgets' things. I'm so annoyed with him today.

He also does a lot of parenting of DD and most of the cooking so I can't complain. I just need some emotional support and feel dismissed by him.

[MrsPixieMoo]

DH is home. Told him how I feel. He just said I am listening and has started snoring. I'm so so lonely. I still can't stop crying.

[MrsPixieMoo]

Please is there anyone to talk to? I called the pnd helpline but they close at 8pm. I feel so needy but I'm scared of how low I feel and I've never felt like this before. I'm really frightened. Please tell me it will be ok. All sorts of dark thoughts. Have thought of leaving DH, who I love and who rationally I know is probably exhausted and doesn't know what to say or do and thinks this is just a bit of hormones. I keep thinking of driving off somewhere but I need to stay and feed the baby. I don't know where I would go. I feel so scared.

[LittleBearPad]

Oh you poor lovely. Talk to the community midwife tomorrow.

This could be baby blues, it could be more but the best thing is to tell someone. You will be a good mother, I'm sure you are already to your dd1 and your new daughter too.

If you want to/need to wake your husband up and talk to him. If you don't want to wake him talk to us.

Hasn't in there. It will get better. Big hug. Xx

[LittleBearPad]

Hasn't. Well that's just silly. I meant "hang".

[MrsPixieMoo]

I don't want to wake him. I really struggled to articulate how I feel and he said try to sleep and turned the lights off.

I told him I can't sleep and I was in tears. I've come downstairs and can hear him snoring. I feel so unloved and that he's not caring which I know isn't true. I'm scared. I want to be a good mum and I'm worried about letting my DDs down.

[LittleBearPad]

You won't let them down. You clearly love them a great deal.

Have you eaten properly this evening.

[MrsPixieMoo]

No I was feeding DD from 7.30pm to 10pm. She feeds often and for long stretches. DH got a takeaway on the way back from his work meeting. I don't feel I could eat. I just feel empty and desperately sad. I'm scared.

[LittleBearPad]

Listen, you don't need to be scared. This is all fixable, it really is. Tomorrow you're going to see a nurse who will listen to you and who can help you. It will be ok.

Can you speak to your mum, a sister or a friend about how you're feeling.

At the risk of sounding like my mum can you make yourself a cup of tea (add sugar!).

[Marcipex]

Please try to eat and drink something. It's really important as you're feeding your baby. It might help your mood a little too.

I remember just sitting weeping on day 5, there wasn't any reason I could articulate and it did wear off.

[wewillmendit]

Hello. If you feel that you don't want to wake your dh, you could contact the Samaritans, 08457 909090

They will talk you through tonight, if you feel able to ring them then do.

And keep posting on here, there is always someone around.

[MrsPixieMoo]

I don't have any sisters and my mum is quite hard work, I'd end up worrying about having stressed her. I will talk to the nurse tomorrow. My baby is crying again so I'm going back up. Thanks for being there tonight x

[wewillmendit]

I hope baby settles. Try and sleep.

[rootypig]

I'm here MrsP. If you want to talk to someone on the phone, you could ring Samaritans. They are happy to talk to people who are feeling distress and would be calmed by feeling they are there with someone.

Agree with pp, that you must eat. Low blood sugar and dehydration can have such an effect, and you are BF and must be tired too.