Hello
I'm on the 'village' thread, but didn't want to bother anyone on there.
I'm really struggling, had a two month long psychotic episode, where I had home treatment and I'm now at outpatients with a CPN. I'm a lone parent- no family support, limited friends because I keep cancelling on them because I can't face going out. My DD was just away from me for 2 months, she stayed with friends. I feel so guilty and as though I'm such a bad Mum. I can't afford anything, am in lots of debt (on benefits- just graduated but can't work at the moment). I think I have depression now- need to sleep all of the time, absolutely exhausted (and I look it when I look in the mirror), think about death all of the time, and if I died no-one would find me for days except my DD. I wouldn't do anything to myself- but the thoughts are there. I'm in loads of debt and think every knock at the door is the baliffs (silly, I know as it's sort out able and most likely fairly easily), my alcholic ex wants to take me to court for access to DD (i stopped him seeing her because of his drinking). The court date is September 4th.
I look in the mirror and hate what I see, hate what I've done to my DD, hate that I can barely wake up in the mornings, that I've screwed my life up trying so hard to get my degree (I got a first, had psychosis and depression in the last 6 months of it), my house is a tip because I started redecorating before I got unwell, I've got something like grandular fever and my DD is lovely and so well behaved but has played up constantly today and worn me out.
I'm on 100mg setraline and 80mg of propanol (as needed) for anxiety, but my whole body aches (I've had this for ages, just everything aching...especially my arms and legs, I think it's to do with depression). I'm just about keeping going, but I'm not sure how much more I can take. Don't know why I'm posting, just needing company I guess.
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Mental health
Really struggling
36 replies
Katkins1 · 12/08/2014 22:23
OP posts:
greyhoundgymnastics ·
13/08/2014 00:31
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