Feeling pretty awful

[Rocklover]

Hi all,

I have recently split with my DH and (fairly amicably) and thought I was doing really well until this week. DD and I are living with my parents at the moment and unfortunately my DH is staying here whilst his new flat (new build) is being completed, which is obviously making things more stressful.

There are so many things bringing me down I don't know how to start! What I think brought it on this week was a terrible driving lesson on Tuesday. At 32 I have convinced myself that until I can drive then I am not an adult and I was so crap in the lesson that I began to despair that I will ever be a "proper" driving grown up (sounds bloody stupid now).

On top of that I am trying to find (an elusive) teaching assistant post in a primary school which will help my application for uni (teaching), which I am finding very stressful as I don't have a huge amount of money in the mean time. My parents are quite stressed at the moment as my sister is clinically depressed and has been staying here for part of this week so that we could "look out" for her as she was having panic attacks after a bout of food poisoning. Because of this I don't think my Mum has enough left in her to cope talking to me so tends to ignore me or snap at me, which is understandable.

Also to make things even more difficult is the fact I don't really have friends I can chat to anymore because I have moved so often in the past 5 yrs and also don't get out as much as I would like. This is making me even more depressed as I used to be really outgoing and sociable, now I just feel useless and pretty pathetic really.

I don't think there is anything anyone can do to help really, just needed to get this off my chest and let it go.

[paperchaser]

Hi Rocklover - I could have wrote much of that post myself. I'm still living with P after being seperated for 2 months and it is so stressful. I can't drive either and I hate it, but am too scared to start up the lessons again as I was dreadful at my last attempt 5 years ago - it was dangerous and I sensed the instructor was getting P'd off with me .

I've quite a lot of good friends that I chat to online but only 1 or 2 in real life and my sister has drink and drug problems so my mum's time is mostly taken up with her and I don't want to burden her anymore with my problems.

Good luck with the job hunting. It's great that you've got ambition. Sorry to hear that you're feeling so down. Any idea how long it will take for H's flat to be finished? and where will you be living long term?

[mell2]

It's not really surprising you feel how you do,as it must be really stressful first living with your parents, secondly dh being there and thirdly your sisters' problems. How long do you thing dh will be staying?

Hope things don't take too long to change. Just wanted to say that i think you and paperchase have done really well even having driving lessons I'm 46 and never had a lesson (Know exactly what you mean about not feeling like an adult - i'm just too nervous) So well done to you both!

[Rocklover]

Thanks girls, it's nice to know that I am not totally mad with the driving issue lol! DH's flat has been put back until October now, so it's dragging on.

I feel a little better tonight, but still feel I am underneath a layer of treacle and can't quite find my happy, bouncy side, just feeling slow and tired constantly.

Well hopefully it will pass, I hope you all feel happier than I do tonight.

[paperchaser]

How are you feeling today Rocklover?

Keep up with the driving lessons. My DS has autism and I can apply through the family fund to get them paid for me, but as much as I dream about it, I'm shtting myself. If you keep at it then I'll do something about it too. I'm so pssed off with waiting for buses and relying on mates to pick me up.

This feeling will pass. You'll be feeling much better once he's in his flat and out of your mum's house. If you're like me you'll feel like you're in a kind of limbo where you can't get on with anything new cos you can't move on. I often look at my relationship with P and think that we've both been through so much hurt in the past few months but haven't really got anywhere cos he's still living here. I just cannot wait until the day when he packs his bags and moves out.

Thinking of you

[Rocklover]

Hi PC,

Thanks for your kind message, I am feeling a bit better today (although still dreading this weeks driving lesson on Thurs). TBH DH has been very helpful and really nice to me this weekend, which funnily enough makes me even more mad as I had to put up with so much shit before when he couldn't be nice!

Trouble is it a1ways starts me wondering whether I am making the wrong decision as I know he still loves me! However, he did say on Sat that if we were to try again now, he couldn't guarantee that he wouldn't go back to the way he was before. Why is it all so hard?