Can't get over the fear of another episode!

[Imsuchamess]

I am scizoaffective my last three episodes were severe. I had a year long psychotic depression. A 6 month psychotic mania. And a 3 month psychotic mixed episode.

When I am I'll my psychosis makes me believe I am a angel who is so pure my bodily fluid is poison to peadophilles and rapists and abusive men. So during a episode I seek out abusive men like those named above to sleep with so I can poison them and they will then be subjected to horrible torment.

My last episode has left me dealing with having been raped repeatedly by numerous men, a recovering drug addict and in debt.

I am well now and it seems they have found a medication that works. But I am no fool while the medication will delay a episode I know it will not stop them completely.

I am scared no actually I am petrified of the next episode. I can't love my life because I am scared and watching constantly for signs that I am about to become I'll again.

How do I forget and move on from the things which happened during my episode? How when I have to remember to take my medication four times a day?